18th May, 2018
As anticipation for this weekend’s royal wedding between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle reaches astonishing new heights, Brits may want to take a step back and ponder whether, perhaps, it has all gone too far. Or as one royal condom company suggests, lie back and think of England.
The list of merchandise on offer is mind-boggling: life-size cardboard cutouts, paper dolls, socks, mugs, earrings, cupcake toppers and, er, Harry and Meghan swimsuits.
British jewelers are using the slogan “Sparkle Like Markle” to sell diamonds, while supermarket chain Sainsbury’s is selling copies of Meghan’s engagement ring for £5 ($7). Love it or hate it, customers can now pick up personalized jars of Marmite, which were recently spotted for sale.
Hungry? Shops are selling “majestic sausages” made from sweet ginger (a reference to the prince’s hair color) and American mustard. Fancy an alcoholic beverage? “Harry & Meghan’s Windsor Knot” is being carefully created at a brewery just outside the castle walls. It’s fair to say that there is something for everyone: There are even paw-sonalized royal wedding neckerchiefs for dogs.
And then there are the commemorative condoms.
Yes, to mark the historic event, Crown Jewels Heritage Condoms has come up with a unique product that has taken the world (and the bedroom) by storm.
Described as “fit for a Prince,” the condoms are delivered in what one can describe only as truly patriotic packaging. Once the lid (which features a portrait of Harry and Meghan) is lifted, the souvenir case plays the tune of “God Save the Queen” and “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Because nothing says transatlantic wedding quite like two national anthems and regal prophylactics.
“We wanted to mark the occasion in an unusual way,” said Crown Jewels founder Hugh Pomfret. He describes his creation as “novelty meeting luxury.”
The commemorative condoms, which encourage customers to “lie back and think of England,” have been a huge hit, not just in Britain but also overseas. From Australia to Ohio, Crown Jewels has been inundated with orders. “People like them because they’re different. They’re distinctive and romantic,” Pomfret said.
“In 10 years’ time, when people look back, they’ll pass over the souvenir mugs and the tea towels. It’s the condoms that they’ll remember. They’ll provide pleasure for years to come,” he told The Washington Post.
All over Britain, pubs and bars are hanging up Union Jacks and bunting. They also have extended their hours to allow for more drinking time. Punters can cheer the happy couple until 1 a.m.
As well as selling “Princess” rucksacks and party hats, retailers are also offering “Marry Me Harry” T-shirts for those with a soft spot for the ginger-haired prince.
Washington Post