By Aidy Thomas
Marriage, I must tell you from experience, is one venture that’s worth preparing for- and very well at that.
Your preparation is a function of who you really are, that is: personality/temperament, religion, location, family background, status/class, etc.
For the purpose of precision, I will like to mention at this point that there is a huge difference between the marriage ceremony and the marriage union. Unfortunately, we find people and even ourselves preparing more for the ceremony than the act of marriage. Has it occurred to you the ceremony lasts for a day or at most two? (Depending on which part of the world you are) While the union is expected to be a-life- long- journey. Does it make sense that you borrow money from different sources just to have a good ceremony but go hungry afterward? Remember, anyone can put a ceremony together but not all can maintain a home.
Welcome to the world of Prince and Patricia and read what she (Patricia) has to say about her experience.
“Prince and I met in a friend’s house while trying to unwind for the weekend). After my friend introduced us, gist went the right direction as I watched Prince, an engaging talker unfold. He was too smooth and intelligent for anyone who needed company to resist so I simply relaxed and enjoyed the moment. I tried to be a ‘lady’ – only responded when asked, totally overcame every temptation to be forward.
In fairness to him, Prince never proposed to me while chatting but he took reasonable time presenting himself as a big boy who had a good source of business. Within a short time, he made me feel sorry for myself; leaving my house so early in the morning to count dirty notes for my boss in the name of banking.
He painted a picture that working for oneself was a sign of true wealth and wisdom but when I considered how much money I went home at the end of every month, I beamed and said to myself “this kind of slavery is still better than others”. As we exchanged complementary cards and said goodbye, I never knew this was the beginning of intimacy with a total ‘stranger’. Day after day, Prince would call and express how much he loved the woman he saw in me. Women, they say love to hear good things so I fell head over heels for Prince. Within a short time, everyone came to know I was in love as Prince made it a point of duty to be present at lunch hour (although he was the one footing the bills)
Since I had a good pay from the bank and his business was said to be grooving well, friends encouraged I gave him a chance to be the father of my children. The moment I said ‘yes’ to Prince Preparations took off and I was surprised at what plans he had for marriage. A few weeks to the wedding, he told me to give-up my job as he cannot stand his sweet heart going through any form of stress, not even the one from work place. I didn’t find it a wise decision to consider but my friends talked into accepting Prince’s proposal. They made me feel I was a ‘suffer-head’ who never wanted to sit back and enjoy being ‘madam’. Finally, I gave in and presented my resignation.
After the wedding, it was okay for me to see Prince at home since we were on honey moon but I got really concerned as he remained at home long after we got married. I tried to find out how his business was doing but I couldn’t get the picture of the true situation.
As I got more apprehensive by the day, he devised a way of keeping me off worry; leaving home early in the morning, pretending to be going for one business meeting or the other but the way he’ll come back looking scruffy and harassed will tell any right thinking woman he was not in any reasonable meeting. Upon all the meetings, nothing came out for food and was soon becoming frustrating as I had left my job and could not even look for another with all the tiredness of early pregnancy.
One morning, I decided to follow him at a distance to see the kind of meeting he attends and most importantly his business associates. As he was getting ready to leave, I was also preparing to go out, he asked where I was going and I said I needed to talk to my experienced friend about my early pregnancy so she could advice how to cope with it.
That was enough explanation for him, so he left without any bout of doubt. I followed him as planned and discovered to my shame that this guy had no form of meeting any where but to go and hang around in a cyber café till close of work. Do you see people like that when you go to the café? Ah, he was one of them.
Since then, I knew I had lost it in marriage. Shame would not allow me to tell my friends the deep shit I found myself and the people who could help would not believe my stories considering the kind of wedding we displayed. Now I have had the baby, no good source of income (although he has started looking for menial jobs to do) and all the money I saved went into the wedding preparation. I really regret getting myself entangled with Prince”
I am not against a flamboyant wedding (I had a good one) but what I mean is your ability to prepare for the marriage itself.
For you to have a good marriage, you need a whole lot of stuff:
•Maturity: Age could be a factor but maturity of the mind is of paramount importance. With maturity, you can handle a whole lot of challenges and settle problems with ease.
•Patience: I remember when I was getting married, one of the things I was told was ‘go to the market, there is a material called PATIENCE, buy it, sew and wear if you must succeed in marriage’ I tell you it was good advice; everyone needs it no matter who you are dealing with.
•Financial stability: You might not like it that I mentioned money but that is the truth. It doesn’t mean having the whole world but at least have a source of income that can sustain you. With this, try and be contented; money can never be enough.
•Good health: It might surprise you to hear that good health will make your marriage work well but that is true- if you know you have some kind of terrible diseases, why hide and use it to drain somebody’s pocket? Please make sure your spouse is healthy before committing yourself; do medical test to have an idea of what is awaiting you. I’m not trying to tamper with your FAITH but it’s good to do your best, if sickness develops along the line, be a good support spouse and be there for each other. Also, if you don’t mind coping with your partner’s ailment, you can marry anyone despite the condition but I tell you, it takes love to cope for too long.
•Love: Are you surprised to hear that people marry without really having love for their spouse? Yes they do but it doesn’t last, once they get what they wanted, things fall apart.
There are several other things you need to know, do or learn before marriage; find them, do them and ENJOY!!!