By Modupe Eka

Today we shall look at our personality and our emotions; we will consider intimate relationships, emotions such as fear and anger. What you are emotionally is who you really are! We are so much of an emotional creature that our emotions influence and determine our performance in every area of our life for good or for bad.

The power of emotion over the three most important areas of our life is unprecedented —our mind, our spirit, and body. No matter how intelligent a person is, when he gets  emotionally upset, he cannot think in an orderly fashion. Emotion can break our concentration and stifle our creativity. Many people’s minds are totally dominated by their emotions.

We have all experienced periods of letting our emotions impair our judgment; when think with our heart instead of our head we make emotional decisions that we regret later. Many times, emotionally made decisions are bad decisions, yet the most important decisions of our life such as our intimate relations are often emotionally made.

The same is true of our will, which can be likened to our mind. No matter how strong-willed a person is, if a conflict between your will and your emotions last long enough, your emotions will win. Our emotions are particularly powerful between the ages of fourteen and twenty-four, that’s why the devil uses society, education, drugs, friends and amusements on our young people during these years. He knows how vulnerable they are to making bad life-time decisions, because at this period they are emotionally combustible.

Physically, which is likened to our body, the story is the same, Doctors tell us that 65-80% of illnesses are emotionally induced the Bible tells us “a cheerful heart is good medicine but a crushed spirit dries up the bones”….Good emotions have a healthful effect on us while bad emotions destroys us.

Whatever is our personality type, we all experience emotion. All these different emotions stem from two basic roots: anger and fear.  Fear and anger feed on all mankind, working relentlessly towards our destruction or limiting our potential. We all know that our personality is healthy to the degree of our belief in who we are. Who we are is directly connected to our self esteem; our esteem is largely determined by how bold or fearful we are in expressing our real self. Fear is the major and the root cause of low self esteem.

Negative emotions are feelings and responses that have been learned like habits, and they can therefore be unlearned. We develop negative emotions as a result of two experience that happened to us early in life, first is when as a child, we are subjected to negative criticism from parents, we accept their evaluation as true, and it becomes  part of your self concept.

Consequently, when you grow up, no matter your personality trait, you often feel ‘I’m not good enough’ feelings of inadequacy and incompetence are the common results of destructive criticism.

The second factor that predisposes us to negative emotions is lack of love, love withheld or withdrawn. For healthy growth, a child needs an unbroken flow of unconditional love during his or her formative years.

The sad truth is that many parents do not love their children enough. The foundation of all emotions negative or positive can be traced to childhood environmental atmosphere of the home. Destructive criticism and lack of love in combination create the negative emotion of fear, anger and guilt in adult life.

The emotions that that we display in our intimate relationship also have their roots in the conditions and atmosphere of the homes we grew up in. Next time, we will look into how to eliminate negative emotions. Till then, do a personality check-up by taking Wiseup personality test. See you at the Top.

•Modupe Eka is a consultant, trainer of the D.I.S.C model of human behaviour, a graduate of  English language, with teaching background, she is a Public speaker and by practice a counsellor and an expert in relationships and communication she runs seminars and workshop for cooperate and private institutions on topics as sexual health, parent/child  relationship and cooperate/ effective team building. She has organized and runs various youth empowerment programs.

Together with her team they have done extensive work with many Redeemed Christian Church of God parishes within the Lagos environs.

For contact and enquires  info@wiseupfoundation.net. Dupe_eka@yahoo.com   08023426953