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A young girl from my women and young girls mentoring club (Adiva), sent me a long e-mail lamenting about people around her community and some of her friends.

She did not understand why no one ever noticed or talked about her when she did something good for others or to others but whenever there was gossip and it concerned her the whole school turned upside down.

She hated the fact that she was always in the school gossip magazine for all the unthinkable things but when her grades come out tops she was never mentioned.

In the mail she was angry that her friends who had known her for ages never stood by her nor defended her whenever she had issues. She went on and on and at first I laughed when I finished the long mail.

So in my response I said: ” My dear with everything you must have read and heard about me, I am still wondering why you believe I can help you when I go through practically the same thing almost everyday”. She responded and said she was one of those who would actually read and hear these things and believe them. She also apologised because she said it was very easy for her to contribute to the gist about me even though she did not know me personally and had never met me before.

I asked her why she changed her mind about me and why she wanted me to talk to her about it.  She then gave the most interesting but very funny response. She said: “Well I kinda figured that if all these things they said about me are lies and people believed them  and  my friends did nothing to help the situation then it is possible that the same things could be happening to you.”

So I said:  “Are you saying that if it had not happened to you then you will continue to judge and condemn me without knowing the truth thereby taking God’s job of judging from him?

After we had cleared all that I could not help it. I had to tell her that I was glad it happened to her too but if I had gone through the criticism and still going through but still standing then she can overcome it too no matter how bad.

I encouraged her and reminded her about an article I wrote earlier (Type A).

The truth is, good news and positive things are not sweet enough for the average mind.

People who have positive lives will not have the time to sit and enjoy another’s   downfall. Busy and successful people do not have the time or energy for nonsense and idle talk. They spend the time and energy in looking for ways, techniques, methods, and more skills to improve their lives,  businesses, education, children and even communities.

Isn’t it funny how we always sit and wonder how things were created? In Ibo, we say Ndi Ocha bu agbara. It’s like saying the white man is a wizard or supernatural being.

We all know the white men are human beings like us or at least we claim to know. We also claim we are the same in the eyes of God, we have brains just like they do and the only difference is the colour of their skin.

How come they are able to produce and manufacture things that can make me talk to someone who is millions of miles away? How can I fly to another country when I don’t have wings? How am I able to look for the meaning of anything and look for who I am from a device and someone in Tibet can see the same thing at the same time?

How am I able to have a conversation with ten people scattered all over the world at the same time?  How am I able to put a pill in my mouth to heal a boil? How am I able to monitor what is happening in front of my house while I am at work? How am I able to know when a baby is crying in the crib even when in the kitchen?

Let us stop and ask ourselves these questions from time to time?

If we, especially the Nigerian s who would rather sit in front of a computer to talk crap or the one who would spend their money just to buy and read something that condemns others can stop for a second and spend that precious time and money on something that will improve their lives, then the country will surely be a better place.

We spend so much on importation because we are not producing the quality of products we desire. We spend so much on vacations outside the country because we cannot maintain the beautiful place devoid of massive natural disasters that God has given us. We spend so much on medical care outside the country (for those who can afford it)  because the hospitals are not equipped.

When we think about all this the first thing we want to do is blame it all on government. Well news flash! No matter how many rallies, associations, intelligent groups are formed, all you will get is the same thing we have experienced  for far too long “talk talk and more talk”.

There are millions of people in Nigeria and even more than the national census can account for, and I believe that Nigerians are extremely intelligent, productive and creative. If we have more people looking for ways to make things better, to educate themselves more with things they are interested in and  provide lasting solutions to their communities,  I know that things will improve.

The best heart surgeon in America today is a Nigerian, some of the best actors in Hollywood are Africans, some  of the best footballers in the world are Nigerians, the list is endless so there is no doubt in my mind that if we set out to stand out and succeed there is no stopping us.

Look at the likes of Tuface, MI, ASA, BEZ, DBANJ, PSQUARE and the other amazing artists touring the world and acquiring more fans all over plus making more money weekly than even some bank MDs.

Sometimes don’t you wonder what they spend their time doing? I am sure if you see PSQUARE rehearsing, training, recording, touring, going for meetings, working on costumes, and writing songs you will probably pass out. Now please tell me if these people will have the time to sit and start judging or condemning others.

They are talked about by other people but these same people see them and want to take pictures or get autographs. These same people want to shake their hands and buy their albums. These same people make them rich everyday . So who is the foolish one? The one who is talking and enriching others or the one who is being talked about and making money.

The most successful people in the world today were once considered radicals, prodigals, crazy, selfish, different, non conformists, controversial.  I read a lot about successful people because I want to be successful too (God willing) and it occurred to me that if these people had not stepped out of the box the society wanted them to be they will not be where they are today.

With everything the world said about Tuface and all the drama,   he is still one of the greatest artists from Africa in this generation. People still did all the could to support him during his wedding. Some of the same people on the Internet who said all sorts were the ones who started praying for him and his family. Isn’t that amazing? One minute, someone is the most irresponsible, the next he is the best and greatest.

What about Dele Momodu who is one   of  the most respected and most industrious publishers in Africa, he was also talked about but did that stop the success of Ovation? No way. In fact the magazine grew and became untouchable.

I can go on and on but I guess I am just trying to encourage people to let go of the hating, backbiting, idle talk and evil plots.

Redirect your energy to yourself and your family or even your community. That way you will be successful and be remembered for something positive.

One thing we should always remember is that no matter what we say and do to others God’s plan will come to pass. A good example is the life of Jesus Christ.  I encourage you to read from the book of Matthew again. He went through all he did to give us hope that even when the world comes against you, God has got you covered.

Who God has blessed no man can curse.

My inspirational song of the week is If  Nobody Talk About You by MI and TUFACE.

“One who has stopped learning is one who is dead”


  1. Ainy

    @ Jacqueline Akinrele I think you are totally right! Stella I used to ignore all those ugly things they used 2 say about U until recently when I read this on d Facebook!
    “FACT!!! (Stella Damascus CAN’T preach MORALS To My Kids)”, when I read it I keep on wondering why he wrote that until when a guy comment on the post ” HOW CAN SOMEBODY WHO SNATCHES HER CO-ACTRESS HUSBAND PREACH MORALITY, SCUMS ON THE EARTH”. Another comment ” DANIEL ADEMINOKAN WAS LEGALLY MARRIED TO DORIS SEMION BUT STELLA DAMASCUS SNATCHES HIM FROM HER AFTER HER SEVERAL ATTEMPT TO GET SUITOR” . When I read that I was seriously shocked. The fact is that there is no smoke without fire! If all these allegations are true then what do you expect from the public? You want people to be praising you for putting asunder into what God has legally joined together. Put yourself in that lady’s shoes how would you feel! My advice is that you should re- trace your step and make amends, if it was one of your ugly past and you believed that you are now a changed person, before God can forgive you, you must try to reconcile with those whom you have put sorrow in their heart and homes, it will be very difficult for them to forgive but I believe they will end up forgiving you even if they cannot forget! Treat others the way you expected to be treated!

  2. Jacqueline Akinrele

    Stella, with all due respect, I’d like to point out that no one has jugded your determination and hard work geared toward being successful nor that of TuFace, D’banj and other celebrities. It is the ugly, immoral lifestyle that you are trying so hard to mask that people talk about. And pls dont compare yourself to Christ because he was blameless. Every acussation leveled against him by the scribes and pharisees was unfounded. On the other hand Im glad u did as it would be hypocrtical that you would object to being judged by the standards Christ set. Did you not marry a man who divorced his wife without a scriptural basis? Pls read Mathew 5:32. What does that make you? If you were a true christian you would be asking God’s mercy instead of comparing yourself to his perfect Son Jesus Christ.

  3. Olu Omo Reuben

    Great write-up!!!

  4. Obadire Sunday

    This is a thought provoking piece,how I wish others will learn from this and stop
    castigating others unjustly,some people’s stock in trade is nothing but character assasination.

    At any rate,LET THEM SAY.

  5. akeyi

    gud work

  6. Derrick

    It is common with man to celebrate another’s fall, but such energy is always diverted when success is the case.

    Life is so short to overwhelm yourself brooding on what pple say/think abt u; just be guided by basic honest principles of life; draw some lessons of life; draw strengths from past victories and successes and more importantly be strong to face challenges of today and tomorrow!

  7. Emmanuel nwadei

    True talk” i dn’t no why people descriminate alot about one’s personality! No one on earth can predict anybody’s destiny.

  8. charles Goziem

    Whao, I have read some very negative things about you and I had made up my mind about your person but after reading this piece and actually finding myself in most of your examples I have decided to turn a new leaf. God Bless you dear.


    thats a nice live story my sister. Even me am thinking dat all the nigerian actors and actreses are bad and are walowing in shameless lifestyle, but i was shock by hearing you with this heart healling and wonderful message. GOD BLESS YOU MY DEAR.

  10. funmi sanni

    Is true my sister,people like condemning,is their job

  11. chris abang

    very inspirational my dear.

  12. ladipo

    ride on my sister.

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