Charity Begins At Home (2)

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What happened during the last discuss was just a scratch of this topic; today delivers a closer look at what we actually consider to be ‘charity begins at home’.

The world is filled with people who are only warm, courteous, loving and considerate only when they are outside with people who are not members of their family but display a totally different personality once they are home; should this be the case?

Accusing fingers are not being pointed at any particular sex, both male and female, have been found wanting. Some men can be so nice outside you’ll almost mistake them for angels. If you see how some women respond to their male bosses, there is no way they would not contemplate divorce thinking their wives are not good enough and do not respect them accordingly but the question is: “Do those women do same with their own husbands at home? Do they show the same level of respect or commitment?

Stuart and Vera had a wonderful working relationship as Manager and office Secretary. Stuart felt Vera was the most wonderful woman on earth who would never say no to his demands and orders. He totally forgot that he was her ‘boss’ and she did all that to keep her job- as a matter of fact; she had no reasons to argue or challenge his actions. After enjoying that ego-fed relationship for about five years, Stuart decided to make her his wife- to love and to keep till… It wasn’t long after they got home from their honeymoon that Vera started questioning why things were done and kept the way she met them, where Stuart goes on weekends when he’s not at work, why every Saturday dinner should be with in-laws, etc.

Her husband’s first reaction was that of great shock and confusion; he thought someone poisoned her mind to be rebellious but when he summed up courage to ask, she told him point clear that her role as a wife was nothing compared to an office secretary. Her husband accused her of deceiving and tricking him into marriage but she maintained her point that she was only doing her job and now needed to step into another role as wife.

Female secretaries and personal assisstants, PAs, who shower their bosses with unnecessary affection should learn to ask themselves if their husbands have ever seen that soft loving side of them.

Some men are so quick to offer compliment about the looks of other women outside but will never remember to tell their wives how cute they look. You can imagine the frustration of Ethel when she spent time at the gym, lost about 10kg but her husband pretended not to see any difference; how do you think she would feel? If you can notice little things like hair styles, change in body weight, new clothes and shoes on others: what then stops you from telling your spouse how gorgeous they look? I once heard an ignorant man say that he will never tell his wife how cute she looks so that her head does not swell. Whether you say it or not, anyone who looks good knows it; refusing to voice it only makes the fellow feel you have a problem.

Financially, there are some guys who are ever ready to buy lunch, gifts, offer cash and all sort of financial support to people outside but turn deaf ears to domestic demands for things as simple as daily food allowance, children’s clothes and general home bills. Then you ask: why would anybody want to please people who have little influence or contribution in their life? If they are that generous, why haven’t they shown it at home? I once said to a colleague of mine who was beginning to be swept by the attention given her by the unit manager, “If you see a man who is so nice to other women, find out who his wife is and how he treats her; if she’s happy with him then know he’s a good man but if she’s emotionally crushed, keep him far from you”.

The truth might be that he is having a bad relationship back home and tries to catch up with other babes anytime he’s away from home or he delights in messing up people who are insecure. Peter was given to opening the car for Grace, a colleague, to step in. Her friend watched them for a long time and needed to bring them back to reality when she pulled by one day and asked with an infectious smile “Mr P, do you always do this for your wife at home? “I tell you, you must be a super husband of a happy queen”. That was the last time she ever saw that drama of walking Grace to the car after work. I’m not sure if it was his conscience or shame that made him stop and the poor girl also realised if he doesn’t do it for his legal wife; what is the guaranty she’ll enjoy it for long?

When a married woman decides to make you her confidant; ask about her husband and get to know if they are still together. It’s been proven that some married women could be more vulnerable than singles. This happens mostly in cultures where women are not allowed to choose their mates; tradition imposes spouses on them.

More than anything you can ever imagine or long for in life is the need to be treated with love, care and acceptance by the one you love and have decided to spend the entire life with. When you don’t get the expected attention or given due recognition, the relationship automatically becomes a thorn in the flesh. Is this an attempt to say that there is a perfect relationship? No! But little acts of love right from the bedroom to the roof top is what anybody cannot overlook.

If you are to use the word ‘beautiful’, start it at home with the one you share intimacy with. If integrity is what you celebrate in other men, look closely and you’ll find it right within your household.

There is really no need acting nice and cool outside when you are a monster at home, if your family does not say it, whatever others say count as lies. The real you is the ‘you’ at home- what you do, how you treat others and the relationship you have with them.

Some grammarians use the word ‘charity interchangeably with ‘love’; so we would not be wrong to say that ‘LOVE BEGINS AT HOME’. Where does yours begin? Do your best to show your love at home.

1 comment

  1. otitokoro (truth-is-bitter)

    this is really beautiful! i have learnt some tangible truths and will be guided by them…bless you.

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