Frigidity And Sex


As usual, this topic sounds a taboo to so many ears and shouldn’t even be mentioned in public. You know you are dying inside of you and you know you have gone into certain things you shouldn’t go into because you are not getting the real thing from the right source.

Women are in our different churches looking for solution to their problems. Well, what you are about reading is one of and could actually be the solution you are looking for. Every woman is a fan of the penis; you may not be a strong fan or you are a strong fan of the wrong club; you are definitely a fan. But I know in your heart of hearts you want to become a die-hard fan of the right club.

I am going to talk about those things that hinder you from enjoying good sex and having the kind of relationship you want with your man. Believe it or not, sex has a place and a role to play in your home. You may be there thinking your man is too spiritual to do certain things, but the truth is that his spirituality has nothing to do with his sexuality.

Okay, let me take you round those things that are there as stumbling blocks to your enjoying good sexual relationship with your spouse.

Frigidity is broadly used to refer to low libido (sex drive) in women. This is a word used to describe a situation in which a woman does not respond to her partner’s sexual advances. There are cases where women avoid sexual intimacy, and sometimes they get into it but don’t get to the level of orgasm at the end of the day.

One thing I have realised is that a greater percentage of frigidity cases are psychological. I once had a lady who told me she grew up with a lot of negative words about sex and that is still affecting her in her marriage. This very lady shivers when her husband is coming close to her and when at the end of the day the man gains access, there is no sexual pleasure just because of lack of lubrication due to fear. Sex, which is supposed to be a pleasurable experience, is now a nightmare for this very lady.

Frigidity could also come as a result of some unresolved issues in your marriage. There are women who are experts in keeping malice and are ready to go for weeks and months without talking to their man. I would advise you to drop this habit as it is only going to help destroy your relationship.

A woman who was brought by her husband to me for counselling told me she was raped by her uncle when she was 11 and she could not open her mouth to tell anyone. According to her, I was the first person to hear this and I thank God she is getting over it gradually. She saw a big dick going into her at that tender age and that left her with this very problem that almost led to the loss of her marriage.

I know there are women who are in relationships they never bargained for. Some were pushed into marriages with men who they have no feelings for. I understand how you feel; I understand the helpless situation you are in. But I don’t believe in people deceiving themselves. If you are in there, you have no reason, no matter how good it sounds, to cheat; please be faithful. Find a way to make it work and tune your heart to love him. This is a very difficult one, but if you have settled for it as your fate, you must make it work.

You could be in that relationship with a husband who is a wife barterer. You have been battered severely by him that to you, he doesn’t exist. I was in that situation, but with the help of God, I overcame it. I got to that point where I settled it in my mind that I was living just for my children. I found myself in that situation where I was battered and at the same time held on the bed for sex with blood rushing down my nose. But I keep wondering how God did it; there was no single bitterness in me and I kept forgetting as they happened. Maybe I would have been dead if I took it all to heart; I didn’t. But like I always say, I will never advise anyone to stay in a physically abusive relationship.

There are men who don’t care about the feelings of the woman. To this group of men, the woman is just there as another piece of furniture and they have every right to do with her whatever they like. Maybe you have found yourself in this kind of relationship where nothing you say is taken and your feelings are irrelevant.

I think you should stand and speak out because you can’t afford to live the rest of your life in pain. It is sad that a good number of women die in this world without experiencing true orgasm and sexual fulfilment. Sex is good and it is time you stopped reading and watching it in movies, get your husband and enjoy it with him.

If he is one of those dirty men who don’t believe in a night bath, please get him to start taking his night bath. If he is one of those who don’t brush before bed and that is your problem with him, find a way to talk him into it.

You could be having this problem because you are not too proud of your body. Let me tell you something that may shock you; a man, once aroused, does not care about your body. This is not an excuse for you not to work on your body if you should. If you are the fat type, please do something about it. If your breast is flat because of childbirth, don’t bother about it because that is nature and any man that encourages you to go for surgery for his selfish reasons is not in love with you.

I know there are women who can no longer enjoy sex with their husbands because they have been severely hurt by him. When there are issues like this, talking about them would help. If you think you cannot talk to him about it, if you think you are helpless and can’t find a way out of the problem, please see a counsellor who will lead you right.

I must say this; in your effort to get good counsel, please be careful how you run to religious leaders because I believe there are problems and issues in your marriage that only a trained counsellor can handle. That a man is called to preach the gospel doesn’t mean he is an expert in all areas. Our pastors should learn to direct people to the right sources because God has given us our heads for our own good. Don’t try to spiritualise everything.

If you are one of those women who believe that certain sex positions are unsanctified, I just pity you because that your sanctified man is catching his fun elsewhere. You better grow out from that foolish mentality and do whatever will add colour to your sex life. I can only stand against anal sex just because of the health implications and also for the fact that it is against nature. Do something now and save your man from wasting his money on those hunters out there.


  1. Tina

    I used to be offensive when it comes to having sex with my hubby. Any time he comes around, my heart will beat, in fact I shouted severally; but thanks to God that all that is gone.

    Amara dear, I thank God for your life and for your good work. I strongely believe this article will build many homes that were collapsing.

    Thanks once again.

  2. Isaac Dung

    Amara you have expressed the minds of millions in a few words. Every point you made is true and beyond any doubt. There is a lesson for every one both married and single to learn from so as to avoid a failure of a marriage that is supposed to become a dream come true.

  3. morale

    Amaraaaaaaaaaaaa, I love ur confession about your marital life, you are gaining ur marital race because uv got the pain before. life is not that smooth all the time, NO PAIN NO GAIN, that’s what life is all about. it is right time the missionary system of love making be eradicated in marriages please marital couples take position there are various position to take men, sex is good for sure that is why God said that, it is not good for man to be alone.
    Amara chop knuckle.

  4. Thaiwoh

    Anoda Gr8 write up &i realy luv dis i must confess. Amara, kindly inbox me ur id on fb. Kudos!

  5. Piper

    Another piece of an extensive survey, This is much appreciated…. Good job Amara!

  6. me

    i need a woman,

  7. Folusho

    Amara, I agree entirely with you and I give all the glory to God that I have a wonderful marriage with all the works in place. I bless God for your frankness and truthfulness in talking about your past with the joy of the present and hope for a more glorious tomorrow. Your joy shall last in Jesus name. I am, by the grace of God, a Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and I agree with you on the need to get professional counselling and not some mediocre counsel enmeshed in doubtful spirituality. In all cases, however, every Counsellor must, of necessity, know that the true counsel is that received from an insightful professional counsellor with “real humanity” entwined in the truth of God’s Word because true revelation and salvation are found in the Jesus Christ, the Living WORD of God.
    Amara, please keep up the good work. May the LORD continue to fill you with His goodness.

  8. Terrific

    lovely and articulate article. I stand in awe of it…

  9. Chukwudifu Izu

    nice piece amara. i would like to ask some personal questions about your piece on men and masturbation, and some other articles you have written. Please send me your e mail address. Thank you

  10. ezekiel

    babe keep it up

  11. marry gwg

    Nice one Amara.

  12. Chibyke

    Good Article but 4 matured /married people, tnx

  13. Welma

    Almost like you have a dual personality…well I guess that’s what makes your articles worth reading! This one’s got me doffing my hat girl!
    An enlightening article for the matured-thanks on this one.

  14. vivian anum

    am nt surprised, u hv always bn a source of inspiration to many women. I missed u so much, hw r d kids? Keep d gud work going, i love ur braveness

  15. Jesat

    Ur right, tell them.

  16. Akin

    Amana,you are very correct. Many of them don’t know how to play love before sex.

  17. uche humphrey

    A good write up no doubt but you left out the role of the man in helping these kind of women enjoy orgasm. Tackle this area in your next write-up.

  18. bola

    use to see sex as dirty in the early days of my marriage until i had a big ‘O’. My hubby loves sex, so i decided to stop cheating myself and start enjoying ‘it’, who cares what he attaches to it, he’s my husband & we’re to satisfy each other. Women must know that if you’re doing holy holy, no man is holy when in the mood. Thanks Amara

    1. vic

      whats the meaning of Big O?

  19. gedion

    bravo amara, pls remix it for men

  20. yusuff isiaka

    thanks alot am facing such big problem in my home can you help me solve my problem

  21. aladetan idowu

    I think this is a very gud words from a straight lady,u have said it all,I won’t every married woman to know that food is not the only road to a man heart,also gud sex life with ur partner brings the two couple more closer.

  22. Seun Oladunni

    Tanx Amara 4 dis beautiful set. It’s jst a step further in building homes. I hope most women ‘l put it to work!

  23. Apata Philips

    Lady Amara!!! I’m a bit late it’s due to service at our area. This write-up has just spoken about a very sensitive and simple fact that makes home sweet for men. But 90% of wives are shy away to talk about SEX to their husbands,it may be due to religion reason or trying to avoid being called name which is wrong. When sex is missing in a marriage,the marriage must start getting little irritation either from the man or the woman. When there is good sex between the two parties,they continue seeing themselves as ”one and only”that is true love. Majority of our women are pretenders,the even know better than what you are talking about but psychologically they always want to claim to be descent in their advances whenever it comes sex with their husbands,whereas men fall deeply in love with who is able to surprise them with various interestine displays such as serious play before sex with some sweet words to boost the high moral of the man. Lady Amara!!! This is another good one for women but please let’s taste what may improve men to give orgasm to women because SEX is a serious matter in a marriage.

  24. ebuski

    dis is a master piece lady amara.u r such a genius in dis aspect of lyf i think.kip it up.

  25. Iyke kenneth

    Explicit,bold & courageous. You hit it where people fear to thread it

  26. sunkanmmi

    This is a lesson even for unmarried ones keepit up…sooo wonderful

  27. Vincent Chukwu

    Please let us hear the reaction of your female fans. Ciao

  28. dee

    Nice piece and lets hope it will get the readership that its worth. This writer is a woman after my own heart.

  29. macshy

    My wife is in the class of those whose attention for d kids supersede the husband feelings. Most time i want her by my side when am on bed cos of d kids she isnt there When i have the urge she rejects me or say things that put me off. It has got to where i dont have erection when we are together but when she is not there i would be very hard. Much as i dont like it i do it outside but i feel bad after doing it.

  30. Elizabeth

    I luv this article…

  31. Oye debo

    Nice one and very educative. How i wish we can have this piece in flyers a lot of home has been destroy bcause of this, if only it can be distributed. Anyway thanks

  32. mike

    I’m your cool fan both on facebook and this daily PM news . I want to know if female circumcision plays any role in frigidity. waiting for you at

  33. Toyin ojo

    This is very funny but in the sense very true,although i am not married,its surely a master piece and a must read for every woman. Thank u sooo much Amara,God bless u.

  34. Femfem

    I will advise you refined your words a little bit because some of your audience might be underage. You get what I mean? Overall, frank talk and good job.

  35. sunee dee

    This is fantastic but let us have the men side too becos this directed a bit to ladies


    Amara, this is awesome – a must read for all marriages cos alot of marriages are suffering and people cant even mention it to their counsellors when it comes to sex – cos it’s a taboo and very shameful to mention that. This is one piece I will keep as a guide for some weak and unhappy homes. Amara has proven that good sex is the bedrock of a good marriage.

  37. jay

    Quite interesting ,As a christian advocate, you may agree with me that good sex at home does not rebuke men’s greedy appetite for sex,it does not pave men”s way toward spiritual well being nor santify them.It takes the power of the holy spirit for a man to overcome it. If you like give a man monkey style of your choice ,if leaf covers him with another woman, he is going to hammer and clean mouth.It’s only a circoncised heart that can stand against the devil.Make no mistake,good sex can not domesticate a man’s sexual urges.
    Moreover anywoman who is not enjoying sex in marriage choosed not to.Like you rightly said, some women are bufalos that carries grudges for years. so it is their choice,Some women in maltrimonial homes will still be hoping and praying to go back to their boy enemies.How can such women enjoy their marriage?Some will only remember to list their problems to you when on bed,how can such woman get wet?Those one who may be quiete for sweetness sake will still make you feel you are injuring them…..
    Marriage is not by force,look carefuly before you leap and avoid being entice into it. and if you are in it don’t complain because you are not perfect and don’t expect perfections from others.Adress your problems peacefuly and prayerfuly and you will prevail.

  38. chief uchendu jnr okpala

    yes , you are for the truth , those who have ear let them hear , the ear that hears is not as big as satelite dish , may God bless u and ur gud work.

    1. chiko

      cool & audacious, may want to embellish the vulgar part to gain a wider audience

    2. dee

      Igbo don come…where does satellite come into this now?… Nna mehn!!!!

  39. Mr. Zabayo

    Every woman is a fan of the penis likewise the men. Thanks fir this nice write up amara. Keep up the good work

  40. Adeyomola Adebayo

    :Your Boldness is commendable

  41. Owa

    Indeed, every woman is a fan of the phallus, whether covertly or directly! In fact this is the only legitimate God ordained way to procreate! It is one major reason that same sex marriage should be condemned all the way! … The phallus, not just provides procreation but also entertainment between the legitimately together couple! This is why attraction between couples must not just be strong but must be real and with time, by grace, grows so that the union is sustained! Once it is faked, or one sided, with time, it wanes. The man’s role in this, is to continually find ways of making his phallus desirable; and the woman, will herself to be always desirous of her phallus! This way, the home is maintained to the glory of God!

  42. Kolly

    Are u sure all women are fanatical abt mr Penis?

  43. Joshua

    Gr8 piece by all standards, I which most women even the most educated get this stuff into their mindset and work with it.

  44. Eze

    Amara, I think you don’t have the moral justification to counsel people about marriage or relationship. Your marriage crashed after 4kids. It’s amazing that you left after 4kids. Does it mean that all this yrs you were pretending with your ex hubby. The last interview you granted, you said you are in a relationship? Definitely, you are having sex with him because body no be wood? I believe, you should have used your wisdom to make your marriage work. I didn’t mean to spite you

  45. Thomogine

    madam what u are doing so , will really help the coming up ones . Keep it up ok . The lord is ur strength i pray.

  46. Eze

    Amara, I think you don’t have the moral justification to counsel people about marriage or relationship. Your marriage crashed after 4kids. It’s amazing that you left after 4kids. Does it mean that all this yrs you were pretending with your ex hubby. The last interview you granted, you said you are in a relationship? Definitely, you are having sex with him because body no be wood? I believe, you should have used your wisdom to make your marriage work.

  47. ak

    Great article! i laughed at the part where every woman is a fan of penis

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