Foxes Of Love

Love is a life-giving and character-building experience everyone desires to enjoy as we journey through the surface of mother earth, but to some people, the more they desire to love and be loved, the farther the reality.

For me, love is like a product put together by a thoughtful manufacturer deemed to improve the lives of its users. Got it? Love really should make the world a better place.

In most cases, the same product is branded by different companies with diverse concepts, focus and targets; the more attractive your packaging, the more your chances of patronage.

Every relationship is unique—its demands, challenges and strengths. The earlier you identify and package yours to suit “you,” the better for the future.

There are unending list of things that can strain a love relationship but if they are properly handled, any crisis relationship can expect light at the end of the tunnel.

Foxes are a group of animals that closely relate with the family of dogs. They are not as big as the elephant, a little bigger than cat, but have the strength to destroy a fruitful farm plot; usually very wild and unfriendly to all. Similarly, they are issues which may “not” seem big but very destructive to relationships.

Someone said to me, “Jack and his wife decided to do more than just have the inside of their house painted. In several of the rooms, there were long cracks in the walls that simply “had to go.” They brought in a painter who bid the job, got the contract and immediately went to work. He carefully patched every crack and then painted them until the whole house looked like new. It stayed that way for a few months, then the cracks came back.

“Totally disappointed and frustrated, they decided to bring in another painter who they felt could do the job better. After showing him round the building and what he was hired to do—blend the cracks and paint, Jack asked him what it would cost to fix his ‘crack in the wall” problem.

“The painter waited for quite some time, contemplating whether Jack would be able to bear the truth he had to tell. He finally smiled and pointed downwards the building. ‘I can’t give you any cost’ and when asked why, he said, ‘because you don’t have a crack in the wall problem. You have a foundation problem.’ The foundation is not firm enough to bear the building. The house’s shifting foundation caused new cracks to appear after old ones were covered. The house will always crack if the foundation is shaking.’”

Your relationship is as good as its foundation. If there are problems, try and handle them right from base; there is no point covering up things.

What a bad foundation does to a building is what foxes do to a farm and what some character traits do to a relationship.

Beware of:

Nagging: Not many people can tell or accept the fact that they nag. It’s a subtle weakness arising from a desire to drive home one’s points and an attempt to resound, emphasise, stern focus or present the seriousness/necessity of a matter. You simply keep complaining to somebody about their behaviour or keep asking them to do something your way. Do men also fit into this definition? YES. Everyone does it but it’s not healthy for the growth of love.

Cher is a young pretty woman who has just been introduced to the challenges of motherhood. Having a son of two years to care for in an environment where the services of housemaid is not welcome in the home, has been one of her greatest adjustment to make. Her husband comes back from the office everyday complaining of toys scattered in the living room, clothes overturned from the laundry basket and finally “lectures” her on how to keep the house. This makes her feel so incompetent and unfit to be called a wife.

After much quarrels, her husband decided to change his approach; saying, “Cher, you are a beautiful woman and I’ll like to see this beauty reflect in the way you keep the house, even outsiders will respect you for it.” And she automatically changed for the better. A word, they say, is enough for the wise.

Declare your intensions in warm loving words that will not necessarily blame the other or make him/her feel stupid.

Bad company: Evil communications corrupt good manners. When I was a child, my mother never forgot to remind me to “show me your friend and I will tell you who you are.”

For Clement, driving into a pub for a drink with a friend after the day’s hard work did not seem wrong at first. In fact, it was quite refreshing and enjoyable. As he progressed, his brief stop over of ten minutes gradually rolled into 20, 30, one hour, two and even very late nights.

It wasn’t very long before his friend introduced him to the services of ‘night girls’ to the detriment of his blissful marriage. He got so engrossed in his new-found lifestyle that work, home and other important things were given second place.

His employer noticed his nonchalant attitude and decided to relieve him of his job. Once he lost his job, keeping up with his illicit lifestyle became increasingly difficult and thus became an idle mind which, they say, is the devil’s workshop. Another friend suddenly appeared and persuaded him to explore the option of robbery in order to earn a living. He joined the gang and his life got wasted.

If your friends are not going your direction, you’ll end up in theirs. Always ask questions, it will help you to understand who your friends are.

N/B: A man’s mouth is the doorway to his heart, his heart, the store house of the future, his future, the dream of destiny, destiny the soul of success.

Lack of understanding: No two persons are and can ever be the same. The more you try to compare your spouse with others, the more disgusted you’ll be in the relationship.

In the course of my marriage, I have learnt to celebrate differences instead of criticise and be offended.

Thomas and I are two very different personalities but we live happily together. How? Complement. We simply complement each other, we don’t compete.

He is very passionate about football and music while I prefer documentaries, novels movies and talk shows. There’s this natural flow of smiles of acceptance, understanding and love which comes from him each time I sit beside him to watch a football match (even when I am not enjoying it, I still stay). And once it’s half time or end of match, he’ll scan the television stations and place it where I can watch my kind of stuff.

When there is understanding in a relationship, no one loses, instead, there’s sacrifice and this brings joy to all. A little sacrifice will spice up your relationship; it mustn’t always be your own way.

Pride: Pride goes before a fall. 96 per cent of the marital problems experienced came as a result of pride. Are you familiar with comments like who does he think he is?

Is her background better than mine? What are your academic qualifications? How is your bank account? I picked you from the gutters and cleaned the mess up. If not for me, where would you be today? I made you; I can also destroy you, etc.

These are all destructive sayings that kill a relationship faster than what a gunshot would do.

I once spoke with a man who felt his wife did not give him as much respect as his secretary in the office. First of all, I made him to understand that he was only a ‘manager’ in the office and not at home. His secretary may not love and respect him, but she fears him just to keep her job.

Your spouse is part of you—one body. Have you ever seen the right hand being afraid of the left? No, they rob together for warmth.

Pride hinders people from simple apology: I’m sorry, accepting their fault and brings unnecessary argument which generates friction in the relationship.

Pride comes when one party wants to show superiority, don’t put your spouse under pressure, be easy to love and remember, two cannot walk together except they agree.

Send the foxes away and let the farm thrive.