14th September, 2011
Mrs. Abosede Tijani, who deals in aquaculture, has been married for over 30 years.
What could make a marriage to be unsuccessful ?
Lack of trust and love is the major culprit. If couples don’t trust themselves, their marriage won’t last . For a marriage to succeed there should be undertstanding between couples.
Although as an African woman, I have come to believe that all African men are polygamous in nature. There is no doubt about that. I have been married for over 30 years, I have seen marriages collapse as a result of lack of trust and love. Marriage is all about endurance. One should not be too suspicious of one’s partner.
Why do you think people suspect their partners?
It is only a partner who feels insecure that will suspect or watch his or her partner. At first men show you love to the extent that you feel on top of the world but at the end, they share your love with another woman. Once you realise this, work hard to be able to stand on your feet financially. African men are the same. My advice to any woman who is suspicious of her husband is to calm down and get herself busy. That is, to find something to take her mind away from what she suspects her partner of as long as he takes care of his children. A man that loves and respects his wife wouldn’t want his wife to detect or discover his affair with another woman but there are some insensitive men who don’t care if their wives see them cheating. Some men may even get angry if the woman tries to talk about her suspicion. I have seen a man whose wife discovered was cheating on her and confronted him. Do you know the man’s response? He told the woman “so you have been prying on me? Since that is what you have been doing, I want a divorce right away.” There are times you discover your man’s infidelity and keep it to yourself to save your marriage. Every woman should show patience. I don’t advise any woman to have a joint account so she doesn’t live to regret it. My only advice is that a woman who discovers that her husband is cheating on her should be very active in prayers and pray for the man to have a change of heart. The woman should move close to elderly women who have experience and can tell her how to deal with the situation. Explain your experience to elderly persons, don’t keep it to yourself. Such elders sometimes share their experience which could help address your case.
How do you know if your man is cheating on you?
As I said earlier, a man who respects his wife would not show it in his attitude so that he does not hurt her. You don’t have to pry but a woman who is very sensitive would know that something is wrong with his man. Moreover, the woman may get to know from the rumour mill.
But is it safe to rely on rumour?
I am not saying that a woman should rely on rumours but every rumour has an element of truth. Once you hear rumour, take time and let him know that you are aware of his attrocities. If he loves you he will definitely deny it and pet you not to believe in the rumour that could break the home. If a woman has more than two kids there is no where for her to go and that is why I advise women not to have too many kids they wouldn’t be able to take care of in case of any break up. Every woman should be the pillar of her home. She should endeavour to train her kids in the way of the Lord. Don’t let rumours about your husband’s escapades bother you. Some African men think another woman would bear them children especially if the legal wife has only female children or no child at all. Women should be wise so that things do not end badly for them.
Men see women as slaves and that is why they treat their wives anyhow. That is why mothers should strive hard to give their kids quality education so that her effort will not be in vain. Education is light, if a woman has education before she marries her husband will respect her, knowing that she would not be a liability to him. Although the truth still remains that men are selfish by nature. Hardly would you see a man that wants his wife to be more successful than him. That is why I don’t also encourage couples to have a joint account and bussiness.
Another sign is when your husband starts complaining about you, check it out, he could be seeing another woman whom he feels is better than you. women should try and keep somethings secret because no man is ready to reveal the truth about his bank account to his wife. If a man tells his wife everything about him, there could be something he is getting for his personal benefit. Moreover, you can only know a man’s true charater when he his rich, if he is an average person you won’t realy tell what he can do.
Is there any crime in checking your partner’s phone calls?
I don’t see any crime in checking your man’s phone but if he does not want it, then there is no need for curiosity. If the man wants to go to hell let him go but just give yourself peace.
What advice do you have for women who suspect their husbands of being unfaithful to them?
Let them find a source of income. A woman should not be a liability to her husband although some men take their women’s source of income for granted by leaving the woman to carry their own responsibility in the home.
What effect could suspicion have on marriage?
Prying could be a very good reason for a man to want to divorce his wife.
Is there anyway a woman can prevent her man from being unfaithful?
The truth is that it takes the grace of God for a man to be 100 percent faithful to his wife but if a man is greedy, there is nothing you can do about it. My advice to any woman who suspects her partner of cheating on her is to always pray and always keep herself busy so that she won’t get heart attack. A woman should not be surprised that when the husband dies, another woman could appear from nowhere with children that she has had for the late husband.