Levels Of Intimate Communication

Most of the problems experienced in relationships can be traced to poor communication. Can we boldly identify with this claim that at one point or the other, we have been victims of deficient communication? If every idea needs to be shared through communication–verbal and non verbal–couples should know that learning the art of proper communication is a plus to the growth of the relationship.

As we often times say, communication is the life line of any good relationship and when the question of intimacy is raised alongside communication, it becomes a vital point of interest. Everyone in a relationship expects to be treated as an intimate partner. In most cases, we find that couples experience a decline in communication trend as the relationship gets older. The love current that charged at the beginning of the relationship begins to cool off and in very pathetic situations, couples are no longer sure they are still relating with the love of their lives as everything seems so vague and life itself a mirage.

Now, we will consider the different levels of intimate communication, their challenges and how to improve on them.
•Courtship: This is a phase of relationship where fantasy rules the mind, especially for young teenage lovers who are just gaining initiation to the club of dating. As far as they are concerned, this new found love is the only/most interesting thing happening to their lives.
There are two things to aim at in life; first, to get what you want and after that to enjoy it. So, at this level of relationship, couples feel they have just found something new and as such, enthusiasm sails the boat. They want and actually enjoy this new found gift of nature. This stage is basically characterised by lots of fascination, curiosity and attraction in every sense of the word.
Couples enjoy each other’s company in long walks, talks and expressions, just as sensitivity come naturally and the warm glow of love abounds.
Unfortunately, as close as they may appear, people still cleverly hide things from each other, especially things pertaining to their past lives. They are only fast to share the good side of life and sweep the rest under carpets. In most cases, what they tried to conceal in courtship turns against them later in the marriage when they least expected.
Therefore, communication at this level can be improved by asking questions that will enable you know and understand the other person better. Get to know what your spouse expects of you and how best to cope with his/her flaws.

•Honeymoon: Now, the ‘D-day’ had come and passed and time to experiment all fantasies about marriage is finally here. The woman tries her best to be the wife her mother told her as part of marriage counseling, while the husband is willing to duplicate his father’s style of leadership. Couples find great pleasure communicating at this level of their relationship, while love is easily verbalised and expressed with a whole lot of willingness to prove commitment.
Since the couples are new in the walk, they seem to be more tolerant at this stage and pretend all is well even when they just concluded a fight. They don’t want others to think they were not meant for each other.
The way to have a better communication link is to make a lifelong commitment by finding common grounds of interest; things that you both enjoy doing together in form of recreation or adventure.

•Building: To me, this is the real beginning of marital strength; the time to survive a hectic accumulation of expansion and starting and raising a family. Both lovers are at their peak of career/business, investing as much as they can to make the future a brighter one for the entire family.
But the danger of this stage of relationship is reduced communication. Everyone is tired and most times, overworked at the close of the day, the pressing need is rest and sleep for the next day’s survival.
Here, communication is tough but can be improved by carving out time to be alone together. Life should be seen as a mutual course waiting to be achieved through unity.

•Empty room: If you had not taken pains to build a formidable communication link from outset, now that the children have grown and left the house, you both will find yourselves as strangers.
Improve communication by inventing new ways of closeness and intimacy that is peculiar to old age.

NB: Your spouse is not a mind reader, so communicate your desires in simple but clear terms.