Marriage Expedition

It is a natural thing for me to refer to marriage as a journey and as I do this, a lot of images are erected in my mind—from the day of sparkling white flowing gown and dark coloured suit with youthful grin, to a sluggish grey hair when you’ll solely or partially depend on each other for simple mundane tasks.

Oh yes, it is a long journey indeed, spending the whole of your life with just one person as a friend, confidant, helper, critic, etc.

A long time ago, there’s a kind of brain teaser given during a birthday party and it had to do with measurement of distance. We were asked to calculate the shortest route to a particular country and we all fell neck-deep into geographical calculations, crossing boundaries and landscapes and at the end of the day, the coordinator still claimed no one got it right. The price for the winner went up and we explored yet other measures but to our greatest shame, the answers were never considered.

When it was clear we had all surrendered, he offered to provide the answer and everywhere became dead silent in anticipation of the great formula, but behold, the tricky tester had nothing mathematical so to say, nor any understanding of geography. All he said was “the shortest distance to that country is good company.”

Needless to say that a lot of people, if not all, were disappointed, at the same time, they found it difficult to contend with the answer.

Have you travelled with someone you love before? It’s like the journey should last for ever so you could talk and spend time with each other. I remember being on the same flight with my old school mate. It was easy for me to recognise her with her ever loud voice and throaty laugh, but seeing she was engrossed in conversation with a guy, I decided not to interrupt. From the time we passed the boarding gate to when the plane landed, they had no quiet second, it was all talk, whisper and laughter. When we finally landed, we greeted and had a quick recap of the good old days. I purposely did not want to ask who the young man with her was and true to her nature, she couldn’t contend the excitement as she wrapped her arms round him and enthused “meet my guy, we’re going for formal family introduction this weekend.”

Got the joke, she was enjoying the journey because she had good company, but meanwhile, I was busy checking and calculating landing time so I could meet up with my appointment.

Having said that, it should be clear to us that if marriage must be enjoyed, it has to be with someone we love spending time with. This fellow you’ll sleep and wake up to see every morning must really be worth the trouble, if not, I’m afraid, life may be a bit difficult to comprehend.

Does this make me sound like ‘go get yourself a perfect match and enjoy your life?’ No, that is not what I intend to convey, really, what’s on my mind is ‘do everything within your powers to enjoy the person you’re married to,’ this is the only way to get yourself to the end of this long trip.

The next possible question may be, what are the things one could do to enjoy marriage? Bearing in mind we’re all different and have varying emotional needs, there’re still some basic/general principles to guide our actions, but these are not in any way exhaustive.

Be persistent: I’m sure this is not in any way close to what you expected me to start with, but it’s painful to note that most marriages would have been better today only if someone persisted in doing good. Putting effort to make a relationship work is very demanding and time consuming; this, in a way, explains why people give up after several attempts. They make comments like “I’ve tried to make it work but things wouldn’t just turn out right,” or “he/she is too difficult to love or live with.” The excuses just keep rolling but like every other aspect of life, mastery is not got in one day and people’s learning/adjustment period differ, so why not give a little more time?

Have you heard of the story of African honey badger? If you haven’t, this animal, as its name suggests, delights in eating honey and you and I know that getting honey sometimes could be a form of ‘suicide mission,’ but since this is what it feeds on, there must be a way to get it out.

Once the badger locates a bee hive, it takes its time to clear the path and get ready for business. Clearing the path would help it escape each time the bees pounced on it. The first entry is never an easy job as all the energetic bees descend to a sting, withdrawing with so much pains and very little honey, the badger finds a place to settle and get itself ready for another attack, this time, the sting has reduced and it makes other attempts until all the bees give way for it to possess the whole hive. What a victory!

You see, at the first attempt, the honey badger would have said “I’ve had enough nonsense from this adventure” and return home hungry or better still, locate another hive for a fresh try and would also not going to get it easy any way, but how many people know that the more you persist, the less the sting?

Now back to our point, it’s not going to be easy for you to penetrate the life of an adult even though he/she is your spouse and make so much influence in a jiffy. It takes time to share and adopt values and getting the best of others has never been an easy task. Like the honey badger, once you have identified what you want, the responsibility to get and keep it all to yourself rests solely on you. Learn to clear the path, withdraw to prepare when stung and keep on trying until you get the best. We are not here on earth forever, so the little time given is worth the best, isn’t it? So, do something and get the best out of your relationship today.