Loving and being loved could be nice experience if given a chance of fairness. Nobody wants a ‘police dog’ coming after his or her foot prints, why? Love should be full and free. The different folks I’ve seen in relationships sometimes make me wonder if being in love is mandatory. Love relationships/marriage is considered a thing for the mature minds and this, in a way, demonstrates the exercise of choice based on taste and preference.

Now if a person had willingly decided to get along with the other, shouldn’t there be some level of trust and respect? Most people get so disturbed when they have to explain every phone call they make or clarify who was the person greeted with broad smiles on the way home. Does it mean that the whole world has to come to attention simply because they are married? Oh no! That’s mean.

Ruth and Mark have been together in marriage for over six years but are still wondering if it is actually going to work. Six years is a long time for crying out loud, what stops them from settling their doubt and enjoying the marriage as supposed? Well, read a little about them.

“I love my wife, Ruth, from the first time I set my eyes on her and always wanted to be close to her. Yes, you could say it is because of the circumstances surrounding our relationship, but any how, you want to see it, I love her. I happened to work with Ruth at a time; she met me in the organisation after I had put in more than three years of service. As a young man, the coming of a new lady was like a fresh opportunity to catch and Ruth was a good one in deed. Luckily for me, she was assigned to work directly under me and as usual, I needed to run a short induction for her, which was great fun.

“I was careful not to bombard her with dates, I just showed her cool love; helped her get through the challenging stage of a new job, leading her gently into the work culture and ultimately telling her the dos and don’ts at work. When I was fully convinced Ruth had confidence in me, I proposed a dinner after work and she could not say no and that was the beginning of an intimacy.

“As we sat over a meal, it was clear that Ruth was deep in thought and somewhat feeling uneasy. I did my best to penetrate her mood but she blocked me hard. Finally, I thought she was just playing hard to get or maybe shy as she never asked a question about who I was or what I liked. Well, I took the ball to her court, asking every relevant question that could help me know her. She answered with precaution, saying only the basic things, but I sure wanted something more than that. I wanted a woman who would give a run down of her past life, lovers, fears, joy, success, failure, aspirations, likes and dislikes. This, you know, makes you analyse and place a person easily.

“Since I could not get the kind of flow I anticipated, the evening had to end but we still said it was a good outing as long as we were smiling and beaming at each other. Subsequent dates were more successful and she gradually opened up to me on personal issues and values. After a few months together in the same establishment, Ruth got another offer which she considered juicier and decided to grab it.

“I couldn’t say or do otherwise since she seemed happy with it, but before she finally left, I proposed marriage to her and moved a step further to actually fix the time and date. She accepted my proposal and the relationship took a more serious shape from there and as always the case, her departure created a vacuum at work and I needed to put in extra time and energy to be able to meet targets. This extra time at work was therefore the beginning of our problems in the relationship.

“Ruth felt I was seeing another lady at work or maybe the new staff that came to replace her had also become my catch. I did everything to convince her there was no replacement for her position yet, but she just wouldn’t believe me. The next thing she started doing was giving me surprise visits at work and being a former staff, she could get away with the timing and other restrictions.

“During one of her appearances, there was a female colleague who came around to sort some computer programmes. Ruth walked in and concluded she caught me red handed. All my explanations made no sense as she remained enraged, calling me cheat and stuff I can’t even voice. Things got worse when she arranged with Pat, an office cleaner to be monitoring me. I got really concerned when my wife could tell me days I didn’t go for lunch, trying to find out who brought me something to eat. I was wondering when she began to see visions, but I soon discovered she had internal network.

“Well, it was in one of those instances when she got information I had a female visitor who had come the previous day and spent almost all day with me, that she hurried out of work to trap me. On her way, she ran into an oncoming vehicle, which resulted into a very serious accident and now that she has got a bad leg, should I abandon her and marry another woman? I’m really at a crossed road.”

Aidy’s response:
It is a pity it went that way, but we should all learn that love is/should be a gift. We don’t need to fight for it. You can nourish or help it grow but I don’t think violence can deepen it.

Laying ambush for your loved one only says you are not sure of love and the people you ask to check on your spouse will for ever despise you and the relationship.

Sometimes, you may have questions about your spouse’s attitude, handle it in a mature way and reassure him/her of your love. You know what? Most relationships have problems because the other partner is feeling neglected or unloved.

Focus on love and suspend suspicion.