28th May, 2010
Every woman prays for a husband who can be able to take care of the family. Every child prays for a father who can stand out among fathers. Men dream and struggle so much towards becoming top CEOs and leaving their footprints in the sands of time.
Men want to be relevant in every sector of life. We have them in the banking sector, politics, churches and mosques, oil and gas sector and other businesses. Nigerian men, I can say, are the most hard-working in the world. I praise the strength of our men.
But I have come to realise that a good number of Nigerian men are naïve when it comes to striking a balance between work and pleasure. They overdo things and pay so much attention to their businesses and career to the detriment of every other person and thing around them.
Nigerian men are just a little above level zero when you talk about relationships. Frowning? If they can make half the sacrifices they make for their business for their relationships, we will be in heaven on earth.
For most Nigerian men, there is nothing like family vacation. During summer and Christmas holidays when families are supposed to spend time together, a Nigerian man is all over the place trying to make money he may not enjoy before death. They struggle to the grave. It is time we effected the necessary changes.
I have been in that situation where all I was left with is money. What is exciting about it if I cannot spend my holidays and good times with the man I love and who claims to love me?
Let us take a look at our politicians and activists. These ones have women in their lives but they leave them at the background while they move from place to place with aides who organize girls for them. If you are in any serious relationship with a woman, it is her right to know every step you take in actualizing your dream.
General Elections are forthcoming. A good number of women will use this time to enjoy themselves outside while the men enjoy endless political meetings and women. Recently, a lady sent a comment to me. She said I shouldn’t blame the Nigerian women who are unfaithful in their relationships. According to her, Nigerian men have so pushed the women and left them desolate that all they can do to feel like human is having a man outside who can look at her face and remind her she is beautiful.
Guys, you can go on saying your woman does not bother about your busy schedule. So many of these women now use church to cover up. Some of them are there in your house acting like mugu. I recently heard about a politician who is far away in his state doing politics. He doesn’t even come to Lagos to see the woman.
All he could do was to fix a tracking system on the woman’s vehicle. But he met his match because the woman will drive the car to the market, leave it there and take a taxi to wherever she is going. Oga keeps calling to find out madam’s movement, the vehicle is in the market and madam is buying things. Other women, top society women go as far as Alagbado and Agege areas to satisfy their sexual urge. These ones dress and cover up like my Muslim sisters and enter the hotel. I am not trying to encourage infidelity but I must tell you this: Guys, Nigerian women need more than your money to be happy and fulfilled.
When you go into the ministry, you see most of the wives of our pastors living like single ladies and widows. A pastor goes all over the place, from one country to the other all in the name of crusades and revival meetings. I am happy you have chosen to go the way of the Lord. But I remember a book I once read about Kenneth Hagin. He was so much into the ministry that he ignored his home. I am sure the wife must have, at some point, complained about his absence in the home. He went back to God in prayer to sort out this particular issue. What did God tell him? God told him that his home is his first ministry.
You can now agree with me, man of God, that your wife and children need you more than the flock outside. This is the reason you see pastors children getting involved in terrible offences like drugs, cultism, and prostitution. Most of these girls never knew a father’s love so they are carried away once a man tells them how much he loves them.
These ones hardly get to see their father. They don’t know what it means to sit and have a free time with their own father. This is why the practice of love has remained foreign to us. A boy who grew up not knowing what fatherly love is and not even having the father tell him how much he loves him will automatically find it very difficult to practice love except the mother works extra hard with prayers.
So many of our pastors wives have resorted to lesbianism and secret affairs with their PA.You may come up with the justification that they should keep themselves as women of God, but the issue is that they are still human beings. Even the Apostle Paul in the bible warned against husbands and wife starving each other sexually.Guys, there is no point allowing yourself to become the vessel the devil will use to lure your wife into evil.
Are we going to talk about our businessmen? These ones use their businesses as excuse for the wrong they do. I have heard men tell their wives that all they do is to make sure they are comfortable in life.Comfortable, yes, but what about their emotional life?
Our business men, unfortunately, don’t know how to balance things. They work even on Sundays when they should spend time with their family. I have had occasions to be close to few of them. Whenever I raise the issue of them giving more time to their families, I have always been left with the same reply: how do we take care of them if we don’t work hard?
Guys, there is a very big difference between working hard and working smart. You can work hard all through your life and still remain broke and unhappy. But if you learn to be smart in your hardwork, you will enjoy the fruit of your labour.
A good number of Nigerian men work all through their lives hoping to start enjoying life by the time they are sixty. But you find out that in most cases they end up miserable. Because they failed to use their time wisely at young age, they failed to be close to their home at that period they needed them, they miss it all.
I was telling a friend that men are different from women in terms of emotions. A man feels good once there is enough cash in his pocket. Yes, a woman loves to be the best dressed at all times, but they still cherish that good relationship with their spouse.
A woman needs a man more during her child bearing years. That is the best time to get emotionally attached to your woman. But Nigerian men don’t get it right. When a woman is having children, all they do is get her pregnant every year and then out there you see them with the boys. The woman is left alone as a baby-sitter.
Then comes the years after child bearing. The kids are all in school and madam feels its time she makes something good out of her life. She is used to not having you around. She is used to facing the kids alone while you hang out with the boys. But now, you as the man want her attention because you feel she is done with babysitting. You have brought her up to always be on her own. Don’t you think it will be very difficult getting her attention now? This has led a lot of men into concluding that their wife is having an affair when she is only practicing what you taught her.
I recently told a friend who came complaining about the wife travelling from one country to the other when they should be enjoying their marriage since the kids are grown. I told him this same thing and made him realize it will be difficult getting the woman’s heart back. He admitted to not being there for her and getting too attached to his business that he overlooked them. I told him there is no point trying to act macho. I advised him to go home, call the wife up very early in the morning and apologize for those years of loneliness.
Why do you spend so much time with friends and business associates without creating time for your relationship? I think it was a onetime American president, Jimmy Carter who said this; you can build a cathedral, but if you fail to build your children, they will pull down the cathedral you built. I want you to give a serious thought to this statement. It has really helped in my dealing with my children. I have forfeited things for the sake of my children because I want to dedicate a greater part of my life to building them up. I always tell people that if I can train my children well, those things I miss now because of them, I will have later on and even much more.
Why do you go all over the place acquiring so much wealth at the expense of your family life.Remember,you will need your wife and children someday. If you are not there for them now, time is coming when you will cry for their attention, but you know what, it will be too late. If you cannot build a very strong relationship with your son now that he is tender, a time will come when he will forget he has a father.  A word is enough for the wise.