P.M. NEWS Nigeria » Marriage and Romance http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com First with Nigeria News - Nigerian leading evening Newspaper - Sun, 24 May 2015 06:37:15 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.2.2 Building Self-Confidence http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/04/24/building-self-confidence-3/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/04/24/building-self-confidence-3/#comments Fri, 24 Apr 2015 11:49:05 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=237278 By Aidy Thomas

Self-confidence is one asset anyone anticipating success in life should acquire. It starts basically from the perception you have about yourself. Being an assertive or lethargic person has an enormous impact on how others see you; there is a way you communicate the real feelings of life to them and they relate to you based on what you feel about yourself. Expectation always precedes acquisition.

Perception, in a way, births reality. There is a direct connection between what you experience in life with what you conceive. If you believe what you are thinking about yourself strongly, it would be a matter of time before others would queue behind to support and follow you.

I heard of a story of a young school boy who made everyone see him as a terror. He was named “The cock of the school” and was fat with a mean, ugly face. Funny enough, all through his school years, no one ever saw him have a single fight because he had taken his time to create a strong impression on the heart of others he could squeeze them dry with just one touch; he was unbeatable-so no student wanted to be the scapegoat.

Meanwhile, the truth was that he simply worked on their psychology- the poor boy would have taken time to reason that if he didn’t intimidate them early enough, they might team up to make life miserable for him following his looks and size-what a smart way to silent people. a

I remember clearly when Hulk Hogan was in active wrestling. He would come to the ring, make a lot of noise and rip his T-shirt showing you he was ready to tear opponents to pieces the same way. To some, the fight had ended even before they started-their minds had bought into the perception he’d created of his strength.

However you want people to see you, start behaving that way now. You might be wondering why I’ve gone from point A to B but I want you to know that building self-confidence is a job only you can do for yourself. You might borrow a few materials from others-appreciation, love, care, good parenting/background, education, etc which go a long way to help but you still need to harness all of these to work in your favour. Are we making excuses for people who didn’t have a good start in life? Not really, everyday is a good time to start making a difference and creating the ‘ideal you’.

Dealing/relating with someone who has severe confidence issues is a difficult encounter and thousands of relationship problems stem from low self esteem. When a wife feels every outing the husband does is unconnected with female folks and a husband suspects every bib in his wife’s phone —wanting to know who and why he called. They constantly think their spouses are on the lookout for a better catch. Is this really necessary?

There is no particular universal reason for low self esteem; it is a natural emotional state flowing basically from the knowledge you have of yourself-rejection, childhood experience, shortcomings, looks, weaknesses, flaws, inadequacies, limitations, etc. Interesting to note is the fact that other people may not even notice you have these challenges until you project them through your unconscious expressions or presentation. Handling situations in certain ways or reacting to things generally give others a clue to who you really are.

Trish had been enjoying her young marriage as a ‘trophy wife’- the type of a woman acquired as part of properties to increase a man’s worth. Some years ago, it was common for a woman to fantasize and wish for a life close to that of ‘Pretty Woman’- a favourite old film where a Richard Gere type hero solved your problems with a flash of his buoyant bank account. Trish missed out of this affluent experience growing up with her single mom who could only afford the very necessary things she needed to survive. Now that her beauty worked her straight to the arms of a financial investment consultant, she’d to play catch up with her peers who looked down on her misfortune. The result of course was a bulky lazy bear compared to a slim chick her husband captured when she came with others to compete for the best act in a TV commercial for his bank. She had totally forgotten about modelling which she explored to support her low income earner mom.

Trish’s request to join Mark, her husband for his official celebrations constantly met with excuses and explanations. When she finally forced her way to their end of the year party and saw her husband was the only married man without his wife beside him, she knew something was definitely wrong with her marriage-Mark sure wanted someone more than a mother of two and a house peg that only shop online, ate and slept all day. Why won’t she be fat? Trish struggled with this feeling for long and ended up depressed. A clever thing to do would have been, get to the gym and shake it off, cut food intake or substitute dangerous ones for healthier options.

Different things make people suffer lack of self confidence. A sound check on your entire life to see the things that cause you pain and shame would be a step in the right direction. Although there might be things you cannot totally change except you want to do a quick fix ‘tummy tug’ and plastic surgery that would land you in early grave. For such things, develop a positive attitude to replace every negative thought bombarding your mind.

Once you have identified how to sort yourself, work on those areas constantly until they become no issue to you at all. Always remember to say to yourself ‘life is not a total package’ for anyone; we all have weaknesses and challenges but wise people project their strength not weaknesses.

Allowing your lack of self confidence to shatter your marriage/relationship would be a big mistake. You don’t need to nag, control, jealous, suspect or be cantankerous,   because you think your spouse is interacting/mingling with people of higher class. Concentrate and develop yourself; do it just for you and enjoy it.

Our next discuss would focus exclusively on how to build self esteem and become a better, happier person/lover.

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Prerequisite For Marriage http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/04/10/prerequisite-for-marriage-3/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/04/10/prerequisite-for-marriage-3/#comments Fri, 10 Apr 2015 11:56:55 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=235727 By Aidy Thomas

Marriage, I must tell you from experience, is one venture that’s worth preparing for- and very well at that.

Your preparation is a function of who you really are, that is: personality/temperament, religion, location, family background, status/class, etc.

For the purpose of precision, I will like to mention at this point that there is a huge difference between the marriage ceremony and the marriage union.  Unfortunately, we find people and even ourselves preparing more for the ceremony than the act of marriage. Has it occurred to you the ceremony lasts for a day or at most two? (Depending on which part of the world you are) While the union is expected to be a-life- long- journey. Does it make sense that you borrow money from different sources just to have a good ceremony but go hungry afterward? Remember, anyone can put a ceremony together but not all can maintain a home.

Welcome to the world of Prince and Patricia and read what she (Patricia) has to say about her experience.

“Prince and I met in a friend’s house while trying to unwind for the weekend). After my friend introduced us, gist went the right direction as I watched Prince, an engaging talker unfold. He was too smooth and intelligent for anyone who needed company to resist so I simply relaxed and enjoyed the moment. I tried to be a ‘lady’ – only responded when asked, totally overcame every temptation to be forward.

In fairness to him, Prince never proposed to me while chatting but he took reasonable time presenting himself as a big boy who had a good source of business. Within a short time, he made me feel sorry for myself; leaving my house so early in the morning to count dirty notes for my boss in the name of banking.

He painted a picture that working for oneself was a sign of true wealth and wisdom but when I considered how much money I went home at the end of every month, I beamed and said to myself “this kind of slavery is still better than others”.  As we exchanged complementary cards and said goodbye, I never knew this was the beginning of intimacy with a total ‘stranger’. Day after day, Prince would call and express how much he loved the woman he saw in me. Women, they say love to hear good things so I fell head over heels for Prince. Within a short time, everyone came to know I was in love as Prince made it a point of duty to be present at lunch hour (although he was the one footing the bills)

Since I had a good pay from the bank and his business was said to be grooving well, friends encouraged I gave him a chance to be the father of my children. The moment I said ‘yes’ to Prince Preparations took off and I was surprised at what plans he had for marriage. A few weeks to the wedding, he told me to give-up my job as he cannot stand his sweet heart going through any form of stress, not even the one from work place. I didn’t find it a wise decision to consider but my friends talked into accepting Prince’s proposal. They made me feel I was a ‘suffer-head’ who never wanted to sit back and enjoy being ‘madam’. Finally, I gave in and presented my resignation.

After the wedding, it was okay for me to see Prince at home since we were on honey moon but I got really concerned as he remained at home long after we got married. I tried to find out how his business was doing but I couldn’t get the picture of the true situation.

As I got more apprehensive by the day, he devised a way of keeping me off worry; leaving home early in the morning, pretending to be going for one business meeting or the other but the way he’ll come back looking scruffy and harassed will tell any right thinking woman he was not in any reasonable meeting. Upon all the meetings, nothing came out for food and was soon becoming frustrating as I had left my job and could not even look for another with all the tiredness of early pregnancy.

One morning, I decided to follow him at a distance to see the kind of meeting he attends and most importantly his business associates. As he was getting ready to leave, I was also preparing to go out, he asked where I was going and I said I needed to talk to my experienced friend about my early pregnancy so she could advice how to cope with it.

That was enough explanation for him, so he left without any bout of doubt. I followed him as planned and discovered to my shame that this guy had no form of meeting any where but to go and hang around in a cyber café till close of work. Do you see people like that when you go to the café? Ah, he was one of them.

Since then, I knew I had lost it in marriage. Shame would not allow me to tell my friends the deep shit I found myself and the people who could help would not believe my stories considering the kind of wedding we displayed. Now I have had the baby, no good source of income (although he has started looking for menial jobs to do) and all the money I saved went into the wedding preparation.  I really regret getting myself entangled with Prince”

I am not against a flamboyant wedding (I had a good one) but what I mean is your ability to prepare for the marriage itself.

For you to have a good marriage, you need a whole lot of stuff:

•Maturity: Age could be a factor but maturity of the mind is of paramount importance. With maturity, you can handle a whole lot of challenges and settle problems with ease.

•Patience: I remember when I was getting married, one of the things I was told was ‘go to the market, there is a material called PATIENCE, buy it, sew and wear if you must succeed in marriage’ I tell you it was good advice; everyone needs it no matter who you are dealing with.

•Financial stability: You might not like it that I mentioned money but that is the truth. It doesn’t mean having the whole world but at least have a source of income that can sustain you. With this, try and be contented; money can never be enough.

•Good health: It might surprise you to hear that good health will make your marriage work well but that is true- if you know you have some kind of terrible diseases, why hide and use it to drain somebody’s pocket? Please make sure your spouse is healthy before committing yourself; do medical test to have an idea of what is awaiting you. I’m not trying to tamper with your FAITH but it’s good to do your best, if sickness develops along the line, be a good support spouse and be there for each other. Also, if you don’t mind coping with your partner’s ailment, you can marry anyone despite the condition but I tell you, it takes love to cope for too long.

•Love: Are you surprised to hear that people marry without really having love for their spouse? Yes they do but it doesn’t last, once they get what they wanted, things fall apart.

There are several other things you need to know, do or learn before marriage; find them, do them and ENJOY!!!

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Silverbird Cinemas Girl Stabbed To Death 11 Times By Lover http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/03/17/silverbird-cinemas-girl-stabbed-to-death-11-times-by-lover/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/03/17/silverbird-cinemas-girl-stabbed-to-death-11-times-by-lover/#comments Tue, 17 Mar 2015 16:58:55 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=233493 Simon Ateba/Lagos

Aisha Noble, who worked at the Silverbird Cinemas, Ikeja City Mall in Lagos, western Nigeria, has been stabbed to death.

She was stabbed eleven times by a jealous lover, colleagues said on Monday, and police confirmed in an interview on Tuesday that she was murdered.

Aisha, said to be the only daughter to her parents, was killed on Saturday night at Ogudu area of Lagos where she resided.

Silverbird Cinemas has not issued an official statement and the police in Lagos have not given details about how she was killed or who killed her, but colleagues who spoke to our correspondent said she was killed by her lover.

The late Aishat

The late Aishat

They said she came to work on Saturday, completed her schedule and went home. It was only hours later that news came that she had been stabbed in Ogudu, a colleague said, pleading anonymity.

Her colleague said before being moved to the box office at Ikeja City Mall last week, she had worked in the communication department at Silverbird Galleria in Victoria Island.

Aisha was said to be from Kogi State and lived alone in a rented apartment at Ogudu.

Her colleagues described her as hardworking and easygoing and expressed shock that she had been killed.

“She used to wear very long hair, she was a nice girl,” a colleague said.

The police public relation office confirmed in an interview that Aisha was killed but gave no other details.

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Strength Of Love http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/03/13/strength-of-love/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/03/13/strength-of-love/#comments Fri, 13 Mar 2015 10:37:42 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=233092 By Aidy Thomas

A husband, wife and their two young children were escaping from a city on a small boat. The waves were approximately three to four stories high. This caused one of the children to fall off the boat. The ferocious ocean in no time swallowed the fallen kid into its debts. The father, upset and discouraged by such tragedy, put the paddles down, sat on a corner of the boat, and burst into tears for hours. With the boat almost sinking, the wife took the paddles in one hand and their only left child on the other one and said to the husband, “Yes, we lost one of our dear children and if we don’t get up and row this boat through this storm, we are going to lose the one that is still alive”.

We all would have loved to have our lives smooth and hitch free but sincerely it doesn’t really work like that. Once you are in a relationship, you should be determined to pick the ‘paddle and continue wherever the storms push. You know what, you cannot tell the storms where to take you but you can decide where to go after the storm. Were you ever deceived that troubles will not come in your relationship? Most times it is even little things that trigger problems.

The day Mercy met Fred was good (for her) in every sense of the word- she wrote songs, poems and a whole lot of things to depict the sweet memory that clothed her mind. To sum it up, nothing could be more soothing. Luck shone on her as the initial stage of their relationship spelt bliss. To an extent, she felt her fantasies were not disappointed but she had no idea what the future held.

While the marriage was still young, Fred got what we could think was good (a job abroad) and quickly made plans and relocated with his dear wife. Settling down in a new place is most times so challenging that if you had not prepared your mind, frustration might be your next call. Fred got so wrapped up in the desire to acclimatize and gradually lost focus of his marital vows and responsibility. At first she (Mercy) thought it was all dreams but the more she wished it was a dream the nearer reality stared at her. Night- crawling, nagging and sometimes violence became part of the relationship. Each time she tried to talk to the husband of her youth, nothing good came out of it; a few people she met through Association tried to rescue the situation but seemed it had gone beyond repairs.

Mercy felt so bad that the love they once shared and celebrated had disappeared to the thin air. But for the sake of other people who might fall into similar ‘pit’, we’ll like to alert them of certain things likely to cause cry in relationships.

Poor communication: There is a saying that ‘you will not miss it if you never had it in the first place’. This is true about good communication in relationships. But the disaster is more severe if you once enjoyed it then lost out along the line. There is no how you would not feel deep pains; the entire gist your partner used to share with you now stops at mere good morning and good night- will you be happy?

Care: Far gone are the days women used to cross legs and wait to be catered for by the men. Today, care is both ways; the man cares for the woman and the woman is also a care giver. When care is lacking, cry is coming.

Criticism: How do you expect a partner to be happy when the whole day is spent blaming and running down his or her own personality? This is not only painful but also destructive as the victim is likely to accept the bad tag and feel worthless and inferior.

Cheating: There is no ‘angel’ that can convince me that cheating is sweet. Even when you are the smart one playing it, it’s never really that convenient; a lot of lies have to go in just to cover up one silly act. Sure, it’s not worth the trouble.

Appreciation: Relationship can really be bitter if you are not appreciated by your spouse. At some points, you’ll be tempted to think it’s not worth the trouble when no one acknowledges your effort. What most couples do not understand is that the more you emphasize strength, the harder the other partner tries to please you.

Encouragement: One of the reasons people come together in marriage is for support-emotional, spiritual and otherwise. You have a great role to play in the success of your spouse. The words you speak to him/her means so much than what the rest of the world put together would. Show some level of interest and make your relationship better.

Companionship: where couples cannot feel the impact of each other, there is a serious problem. The joy of loving and being loved is deeper than man could explain.

N/b; once you have made the commitment to stay together, do your best to bring smiles to your love.

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Woman To Divorce Hubby Over Bride Price http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/03/11/woman-to-divorce-hubby-over-bride-price/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/03/11/woman-to-divorce-hubby-over-bride-price/#comments Wed, 11 Mar 2015 13:45:21 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=232867 Cyriacus Izuekwe

There was drama at Customary Court sitting in Ejigbo, Lagos State, western Nigeria, where a housewife, Mrs Funke Oludotu dragged her husband, Omodayo, seeking for the dissolution of their marriage because her husband refused to pay her bride price.

But in his response, her husband said her parents gave her out in marriage free of charge and there was no need to pay her bride price, saying she already had children for him.

The argument between the husband and wife caused laughter among those present at the court during the trial.

Funke told the court that she left her parents’ house to Omodayo’s house and they started living together as husband and wife which produced two kids.

She said instead of her husband to formalise the marriage by paying her dowry, he pleaded with her and deceived her to have another pregnancy.

She said she had to leave Omodayo’s home at Karimu Taiwo Street in Itire, Lagos.

She also instituted a suit seeking for the dissolution of their 8-year marriage on ground that she was not treated as his genuine wife.

Funke told the court that apart from that, he was cruel to her and her two kids and does not respect her parents.

The woman said despite the fact that her husband did not pay any bride price, he beats her regularly in the presence of her parents.

“He claimed that I am his wife but he did not pay a dime as my dowry and still wanted me to obey him always,” she said.

Funke asked the court to dissolve the marriage so that she could move on with her life and Omodayo should take care of the children.

On his part, Omodayo admitted that he did not pay her bride price.

He said Funke’s parents accepted him as their in-law despite the fact that he did not pay any dowry.

He said the marriage was blessed with two children and he was taking care of his family before Funke left his house.

Omodayo told the court that since she said that she was no longer interested in the marriage, she should go away.

The President of the court, Mr A.K. Akano adjourned the matter for continuation of trial.

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Woman Dumps Hubby For Impregnating Lunatic Lady http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/03/10/woman-dumps-hubby-for-impregnating-lunatic-lady/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/03/10/woman-dumps-hubby-for-impregnating-lunatic-lady/#comments Tue, 10 Mar 2015 12:08:32 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=232759 Cyriacus Izuekwe

A housewife, Mrs Titi Kareem, has dumped her husband, Rafiu after he reportedly impregnated a mentally sick woman.

But the sick woman later died due to pregnancy-related complications in Lagos State, western Nigeria.

Consequently, the 13-year-old marriage crashed and the wife moved out of her matrimonial home at Igando Road, Ikotun, Lagos.

She also filed a suit before a Customary Court sitting in Ejigbo, seeking for the dissolution of the marriage.

The mother of four kids told the court that she could not cope with the behaviour of her husband because she no longer loved him.

Narrating what happened, the embittered woman told the court that she got to know that her husband impregnated the  mentally sick woman after the police arrested him over the death of the woman.

She said it was at that time Kareem opened up to her that he impregnated the deceased and she became ashamed and had to pack her property and leave.

Titi said that apart from the incident, her husband had been exhibiting strange behaviour towards her and their children and did not take care of them.

She said he does not respect her as his wife because he sleeps with other women despite the fact that she plays her role as his wife and takes care of him.

Titi said when she moved out of the house, he went and brought in another woman and asked her to come back as second wife, which she refused.

She, therefore, asked the court to dissolve the marriage so that she could move on with her life.

The court adjourned the matter several times to enable Kareem appear in court until on Monday when the court delivered its judgment.

Delivering the judgment, the President of the court, Mr A. K. Akano, noted that the relationship had broken down irretrievably and consequently dissolved the marriage.

The court also ruled that the two parties in the matter should take custody of the two kids each and the husband should take care of the upkeep of the children.

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Love Potion: Native Doctor Dupes 70-Year Old Woman http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/03/02/love-potion-native-doctor-dupes-70-year-old-woman/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/03/02/love-potion-native-doctor-dupes-70-year-old-woman/#comments Mon, 02 Mar 2015 12:25:23 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=231777 Cyriacus Izuekwe

A 48-year old native doctor has been arrested and charged before Ejigbo Magistrate’s court for allegedly defrauding a 70-year old jilted woman.

The woman, Grace Dinah, had contacted the native doctor to prepare her love potion that will enable her win back her husband after years of separation in Lagos State, western Nigeria.

The Osun State-born Akin Babalola allegedly collected N500,000 from Grace under false presence of preparing the love potion for her.

Instead of Babalola keeping his own part of the bargain, he allegedly duped the septuagenarian, claiming he could not prepare such medicine which might cause the death of her estranged husband.

•Native Doctor Akin Babalola: Duped 70-yr old woman for love portion

•Native Doctor Akin Babalola: Duped 70-yr old woman for love portion

Though Dinah denied that he asked Babalola to prepare love potion for her, saying she was merely duped, a police source said there was suspicion about a failed transaction between them.

P.M.NEWS gathered from Dinah that her husband dumped her and her children and married another woman some years ago, leaving only her to raise the children.

She said the strange woman her husband married made him not to remember her own children.

On his part, Babalola told our reporter that he specialises in preparing love medicine and solve other spiritual problems and most of his clients are those who have broken homes and marriages which he uses his spiritual powers to restore back.

Trouble started after Dinah asked Babalola to refund her money since he did not fulfill their agreement. He refused to refund the N500,000, threatening to expose her if she asked for the money again.

She went to Igando Police Division and reported that Babalola defrauded her under false pretence.

Babalola was arrested and taken to the station where he told the police that he collected the money and did not continue with their initial agreement because it involved human life.

The police charged Babalola to court on a three-count charge of felony, obtaining under false pretence and stealing under the Criminal Code.

He pleaded not guilty and the presiding Magistrate, Mrs. M.B. Folami granted him bail in the sum of N200,000 with two sureties in like sum.

He was remanded in prison custody pending when he will fulfill the bail conditions.

The matter was adjourned till 18 May, 2015 for mention.

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Man Breaks Spinal Cord Fighting Over A Woman http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/02/25/man-breaks-spinal-cord-fighting-over-a-woman/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/02/25/man-breaks-spinal-cord-fighting-over-a-woman/#comments Wed, 25 Feb 2015 12:59:31 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=231190 Cyriacus Izuekwe

A young man, Akeem Amoo has broken his spinal cord after he engaged Michael Taiwo in a fight over a woman.

The incident happened at about 7.40 p.m. recently at Omisesan junction, Alagbado area of Lagos State, western Nigeria, where the two men reside.

The 28-year-old Taiwo reportedly lifted Amoo up and hit him on the ground where stones were and he broke one of his legs and spinal cord.

He cannot walk again as doctors certified him unfit after the fight. He is now confined to a bed in an undisclosed hospital in Lagos.

P.M.NEWS learnt that Amoo and Taiwo had a disagreement over a woman which resulted in both of them fighting in public.

Following the development, the police arrested Taiwo for allegedly inflicting grievous injury on Amoo.

He was charged to Ojokoro Magistrates’ court where he pleaded not guilty and was granted bail by the presiding Magistrate, Mrs T. Akanni.

However, he was remanded in prison custody pending when he will perfect his bail conditions.

Taiwo, who was full of regrets, said he wants to settle the matter out of court and make peace with Amoo and his family.

The matter was adjourned till 9 March 2015.

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Presenter Bonang Matheba Denies Romance With D’banj  http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/02/20/presenter-bonang-matheba-denies-romance-with-dbanj/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/02/20/presenter-bonang-matheba-denies-romance-with-dbanj/#comments Fri, 20 Feb 2015 13:30:22 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=230652 Kayode Aponmade

South African radio host and model, Bonang Matheba has debunked the rumour that she is dating Nigeria’s music star D’banj.

Presenter Bonang

Presenter Bonang

On the eve of Valentine’s Day celebration, Bonang, very much single, took to her Instagram page to deny any form of romance with D’banj and later showed off her new car, a Mercedes Benz CLA 45 AMG and said it was neither a Valentine’s gift from D’banj nor any other man.

“Bought myself a Valentine’s Day gift, Single girl problems. Single girl problem?” she wrote.

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Conflict In Relationships http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/02/06/conflict-in-relationships/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/02/06/conflict-in-relationships/#comments Fri, 06 Feb 2015 15:48:38 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=229157 By Aidy Thomas

Conflict is inevitable. Putting people and even animals or other living things in the same environment will cause them to touch, rub, mark, or wound each other.    

A simple illustration of conflict is to consider a pack of biscuit emptied into a small platter yet expecting them not to brush against each other as it’s being passed round for people to share —this is totally impossible.

As long as nature designed it for man to co-exist; needing and helping others in a cycle that spells relevance and necessity, there will always be a struggle for survival and/or domination by the strong.

Conflict arises as a result of diverse interests screaming for approval and validation. The world at large is thrown into conflict today; nation against nation, city, town, etc, either because there is a feeling of being neglected or an unruly urge to openly oppress, coerce, or submerge others.

Therefore, the core inspiration of conflict is “interest”. Whichever way you chose to look at it, people react when they feel they are not getting what they deserve or getting what they do not deserve.

Having identified ‘interest’ as the core issue of conflict, it is therefore mundane to see relationships struggle because two individuals  coming from different backgrounds, exposures, values, expectations and experimentations can only do so much together on common grounds.

The totality of who you are, what you stand for and what you want out of life makes you act and react in certain ways that birth conflict. As long as you are different; there will always be conflict.

There is need to accept that the task of managing or resolving conflict is an enormous one. Countries spend quite a lot of resources to bridge gaps leading to conflict: study and implement systems that should minimise ‘heat'; yet very little is being achieved.

Putting it in another way, conflict can be triggered by…

•Assumption- What your mind presents to you

•Perception – Your ‘take’ on the issue

•Disposition – Where you want to stand or remain

•Gratification – What you gain from the situation

•Ego-How you want to be seen

At the end of the day, it is the way you handle conflict that determines how things will eventually play out in life. In other words, we can say that conflict on its own; since it cannot be totally avoided is ‘constant’ but a meaningful methodology or negotiation prowess determines its grip.   

Government policies, political leanings, organisational structure and family values/culture are all potent areas where conflict can emerge. There is yet any government which the citizens totally agree with leadership. It’s either there is a problem that the government is spending tax payers money recklessly or there is nothing at all to show for the huge income accruing thereby.

Others are accused of embezzlement while poor policies are considered an obvious leakage. An organisation trapped in the claws of mediocrity on one side and flare for excellence on the opposite will continue to battle this conflicting pull.

People would have thought that when two adults agree to settle down together in an intimate relationship; their love for each other should be strong enough to automatically eliminate conflict but fortunately/unfortunately, this is not always the case- Conflict is found in ‘love’ too.

As emotional creatures, conflict help us to….

• Understand the people we are dealing with more.

• Exposes the weakness of your loved one so you can learn how to better relate with them.

• Leads you to see their strength; you appreciate and respect them more for the lovely qualities they possess.

• The real character of a person comes out when stirred in conflict; what more can you ask for if not to know your spouse deeply.

• Conflict reveals the depth of knowledge, expertise, skills and experience your loved one would have garnered in the journey of life. The way they handle issues is anchored on what they have gotten out of life.

A whole lot have been said about types of conflict and resolution in another forum but the bottom line is that when you pursue ‘Solution’ instead of ‘Selfish victory’, the aftermath of conflict is felt and appreciated in a positive way. Conflict comes to test your ability to adjust, accommodate and consider other people; the process might not be told but the final result is in most cases felt, seen and shared by many. If your relationship cannot manage conflict; it cannot survive for too long.

…….Continues next time   

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Why We Date Married Men —Nigerian Ladies http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/01/30/why-we-date-married-men-nigerian-ladies/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/01/30/why-we-date-married-men-nigerian-ladies/#comments Fri, 30 Jan 2015 12:51:24 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=228347 Eromosele Ebhomele

Despite having an understanding of the risks involved in dating married men, P.M.NEWS finding has shown that many young ladies still think it is far better than giving themselves to single men especially when the latter are not yet ready for marriage.

A study by P.M.NEWS revealed that most Nigerian ladies have, at one point or another, dated married men.

Some have continued to even maintain double relationships where they date a married man and keep their relationships with younger male -bachelors.

Many of the ladies who spoke with our correspondent concerning the issue, said they feel more comfortable dating married men than bachelors.

While some disclosed that the are dating married men because of money, some said they engage in such relationships because of the maturity and experience of the men  who already have wives at home.

However, apart from these two reasons, P.M.NEWS spoke with two ladies who said they were dating married men as revenge against their boyfriends.

Many of the ladies confessed that they had to stick with married men because they have not found a man ready to marry them.

Toyin Adedamola, a 36-year-old resident of Oshodi area of Lagos, told our correspondent that dating a married man “is not a big deal.”

“I am old enough to marry, but where I don’t find the right man ready to put me in his house as his wife, should I just remain like a prisoner?

“As I am now, I don’t mind being a second wife as long as I am comfortable and respected like a wife by the man,” she said.

Another respondent, who simply gave her name as Jumoke, confirmed that she was dating a married man but added that she was not ready to be a second wife.

“I am dating one married man and we have been together for two years now. He is ready to marry me, but I am not ready to be a second wife.

“Experience has taught me that being a second wife would make you fight for your life till death. So I told him I can’t be a second wife.

“I am only with him till I find the right person to marry me,” she said.

men-like-to-be-pampered

A married woman, who refused to mention her name for safety reasons, told our correspondent that it is sometimes good to date a married man for experience.

“I dated a married man here in Ogun State before I got married. I finally bade him bye two days to my wedding.

“I had a good time with him all through the period we dated. I decided to date him so that I would know how best to handle my husband.

“I felt it would also help me to monitor my husband’s activities and keep him from women. The man was actually encouraged to date a woman outside because his wife made his home hell for him,” the pregnant 29-year-old woman explained.

For Maureen, she dates a married man apart from two regular boyfriends.

While the married man pays most of her bills, she keeps the two boyfriends pending when any of them would decide on marriage.

“I am getting to 30 years old and that is not funny. That’s why I have the two guys. But for the married man, we both know we don’t have a future together, but he pays my bills and assists in other areas.

“I have been managing them. The married man knows I have another person, but the two bachelors don’t know each other or whether I have a married man,” she said.

For Eyitayo, dating a married man comes with risks, but she believes that in life, everything possess their own risks.

“There was this man I dated last year and his wife sent people after me. I was beaten mercilessly and had to spend three weeks in the hospital,” the 29-year-old petty trader said.

She admitted that she learnt her lesson since the mistake came from her.

“At a time, I couldn’t do anything without thinking of him. Moreover, he was the one who rescued me and made me self-dependent.

“I always called and chatted with him even though I knew it was risky. That was how his wife knew and came after me.

“Though I have left the man, I am in another relationship but this time, the man’s wife is not in Lagos. The man lives alone and works here,” she said.

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In pictures: Obasanjo surfaces at Jonathan niece’s wedding http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/01/10/in-pictures-obasanjo-surfaces-at-jonathan-nieces-wedding/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/01/10/in-pictures-obasanjo-surfaces-at-jonathan-nieces-wedding/#comments Sat, 10 Jan 2015 14:39:55 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=225795 Obasanjo, even bowing, greets Jonathan who stands ramrod at the wedding ceremony

Obasanjo, even bowing, greets Jonathan who stands ramrod at the wedding ceremony

Former Nigerian leader, Olusegun Obasanjo made a surprise appearance at the wedding of a niece of President Goodluck Jonathan in Abuja today, despite his serial denunciations of his government.

The latest was Obasanjo’s claim that Jonathan’s government had wasted $45 billion foreign exchange reserve left by his administration. He said he bore no personal grudge against Jonathan and that he was only concerned with good governance.

And President Goodluck Jonathan had responded in like measure, with aides disputing Obasanjo’s figure and Jonathan describing some elder statesmen as ‘motor park touts’.

The marriage in Abuja today was between Inebharapu Paul, Jonathan’s niece and Simeon Onyemaechi. The wedding held at the Abuja National Christian Centre.

From left, Obasanjo, Patience Jonathan, the Onyemachis, President Jonathan, Governor Akpabio

From left, Obasanjo, Patience Jonathan, the Onyemachis, President Jonathan, Governor Akpabio

Ine, her husband, Simeon, Obasanjo, David Mark. Standing behind Mark is Pastor Enoch Adeboye of the Redeemed Church of Christ

Ine, her husband, Simeon, Obasanjo, David Mark. Standing behind Mark is Pastor Enoch Adeboye of the Redeemed Church of Christ

According to PUNCh online, Obasanjo’s appearance caused quite a stir at the ceremony.

He arrived the venue in company of Dr. Andy Uba and some other aides before the commencement of the service.

His arrival attracted a loud ovation from those who were already seated, especially women.

He was ushered into the hall amidst standing ovation by his admirers and took his seat at the VIP section.

He was later joined at the section by the President of the Senate, David Mark and his wife.

About 20 minutes after, Jonathan entered the hall with his wife, Patience, and the bride.

The President and his wife took turn to exchange pleasantries with Obasanjo, Mark and other dignitaries before taking their seats.

Obasanjo’s introduction during the service also attracted a loud applause from the congregation.

In his vote of thanks at the service Jonathan specially recognised Obasanjo’s presence, saying, “Let me appreciate our father, President Olusegun Obasanjo, for being here with us. Thank you for coming.”

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Bride Dumps Groom On Wedding Day http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/01/07/bride-dumps-groom-on-wedding-day/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/01/07/bride-dumps-groom-on-wedding-day/#comments Wed, 07 Jan 2015 12:20:54 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=225397 Cyriacus Izuekwe

A final student of Federal Polytechnic, Oko in Anambra State, southeast Nigeria, did the unthinkable when she snubbed her groom on her wedding day and called off the wedding already arranged by the two families.

The wedding was to take place on Saturday, 3 January, 2015 and guests invited to witness the ceremony at St Patrick Catholic Church, Umuchu in Aguata Local government, Anambra State, were shocked when Ifunanya Igwebuike refused to show up to tie the knot with Ekene Uzoigwe.

After several hours of waiting, she later sent a message to the Parish Priest, Rev. Father Lawrence Maduagwu, that she was no longer interested and asked him to cancel the wedding.

•Ekene Uzoigwe: Dumped at the church by wife during wedding

•Ekene Uzoigwe: Dumped at the church by wife during wedding

Ifunanya alleged that she could not go ahead with the marriage because she was a graduate unlike Uzoigwe whom she claimed was a school drop-out.

Rev. Maduagwu had no option than to inform the groom and the guests that were already seated at the church hall that the wedding had been cancelled.

This caused an uproar in the church as guests who expressed shock over what happened started trooping out of the church.

Narrating what happened,  Uzoigwe said he proposed to Ifunanya for marriage and she agreed on condition that he would send her to school, which he agreed.

He said after she gained admission, he was financing her education and they agreed to wed during her final year.

He said he had paid her bride price and she was part of the whole wedding plan and he even gave her parents N160,000 to prepare for the wedding, besides other arrangements and expenses incurred on the wedding and reception.

Uzoigwe said she did not inform him about her decision to back out of the wedding until he got to the church only for the priest to inform him and the guests about  the cancellation of the wedding.

“If she had informed me, I would not have made arrangements. We had already cooked food and bought drinks for the wedding,” he said.

He said when he contacted her parents, they said they would not force her and asked him to come and take back the money he gave them to prepare for the wedding.

Uzoigwe said he was still shocked about what happened because he did not quarrel with Ifunanya before the fateful day.

He said he also made sure she was comfortable by making money available to her while in school.

Uzoigwe is a business man based in Abakiliki, the Ebonyi State capital. He met Ifunanya at their home town, Umuchu, where he proposed and sent her to school.

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In Pictures: President Jonathan gives out niece in marriage http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/01/04/in-pictures-president-jonathan-gives-out-niece-in-marriage/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2015/01/04/in-pictures-president-jonathan-gives-out-niece-in-marriage/#comments Sun, 04 Jan 2015 11:40:33 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=224983 President Goodluck Jonathan has given out his niece, Inebharapu Paul, in a traditional wedding ceremony to her heartthrob, Simeon Onyemaechi. The ceremony in Otuoke, Bayelsa state, on Saturday attracted VP Namadi Sambo, Yemisi Suswam, wife of Benue state governor and many other dignitaries.

President Jonathan performs the traditional rite of wine presentation to Inebharapu Paul. Watching is VP Namadi Sambo

President Jonathan performs the traditional rite of wine presentation to Inebharapu Paul. Watching is VP Namadi Sambo

The  groom and bride, Simeon Onyeaechi, Inebharapu, President Jonathan and Patience Jonathan

The groom and bride, Simeon Onyemaechi, Inebharapu, President Jonathan and Patience Jonathan

Extended family album: The parents of the groom, Onyemachis, mother of the bride, Nancy Paul, the groom and bride, President Jonathan, Patience and VP sambo

Extended family album: The parents of the groom, Onyemaechis, mother of the bride, Nancy Paul, the groom and bride, President Jonathan, Patience and VP sambo

Another  photo-op  at the event

Another photo-op at the event

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View from abroad: Nigeria’s super rich and their $2m fairy wedding http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2014/12/28/view-from-abroad-nigerias-super-rich-and-their-2m-fairy-wedding/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2014/12/28/view-from-abroad-nigerias-super-rich-and-their-2m-fairy-wedding/#comments Sun, 28 Dec 2014 06:13:10 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=224246 One of the fairy tale weddings in Nigeria

One of the fairy tale weddings in Nigeria

Illusionists flown in from Spain, flowers imported from France, or an R&B superstar flown in from the United States. No request seems to be out of line to Nigeria’s rich when it comes to the most beautiful day of their life. And don’t even mention the b-word – budget, that is – ’cause whatever the bride wants, the bride gets.
Due to its oil reserves, gas, telecom and rising entertainment industry, Nigeria may consider itself Africa’s largest economy as of early 2014. But natural resources and Nollywood aside, there’s another million dollar business out there giving the national GPD a major boost: the wedding events business.

The West African nation may be home to the majority of Africa’s billionaires, but there’s no shortage of millionaires either. “Our core clientèle is mainly made up by millionaires. They will not hesitate to spend the money in order to get what they want. If they need to fly in an artist from America, or a decorator from Dubai or London, they will do so,” says Funke Bucknor, founder of Nigeria’s leading wedding and events company, Zapphaire events.

Bucknor is a brand. Apart from her wedding planning duties, she’s published a book titled The Essential Bridal Hand book, and in the first quarter of 2015 her very own TV show will start airing on a national TV network.
She founded her wedding planning business twelve years ago and was amongst the first to do so. Today, her profession which seemed unnecessary to many locals over a decade ago, has become an essential to the moneyed Nigerian bride that wants her wedding to be the talk of town. Or perhaps it is better to say her weddings.
‘Cause one wedding alone just doesn’t cut it. First there is the traditional wedding – the only wedding recognized by the family – followed by the white wedding, which is similar to that which we know in the West. As for the latter, the destination wedding is all the rage. “Dubai and London are the most popular destinations, followed by Cape Town, Seychelles and the Maldives. Florence in currently growing in popularity,” Bucknor adds.

In 2013 research company Euromint showed how Nigeria had world’s fastest growing rate of champagne consumption, second only to France, while ahead of other lucrative markets including the US and China. Lagos-based beauty-queen-turned-event-planner, Elohor Aisien, concurs. “Nigerians love champagne, so the most money will be spent on drinks as well as food. On Nigerian weddings there’s food from 2pm till midnight.” Given that the average Nigerian wedding will easily have around 1000 guests, whereas the bigger wedding will have between 2000 and 3000 guests, the choice of champagne is a crucial one. “Old money Nigerians may keep things more subtle, new money Nigerians are more concerned with letting people know that they’ve arrived. Magnums of Dom Pérignon will often be their drink of choice. In a way it’s become this competition amongst brides. They’ll ask me: ‘How many bottles did she have? I need more,’” 33-year-old Aisien says.

Her wedding and events planning company Privé Luxury – founded in 2012 – might be a newbie to the scene, but Elohor may already consider offspring of Nigerian royalty, and the country’s leading female recording artist amongst her clients. “I did the wedding of Reukayat Indimi, who comes from a royal Nigerian family, which hails from the north of the country. According to northern tradition, the bride can’t leave the house during the month leading up to the wedding. Since the bride didn’t have her wedding dress yet, I flew into London with a model who fitted several dresses for her. Elie Saab is a popular choice of wedding dress amongst Nigerians, whereas most grooms I work with want a Tom Ford total look. Vera Wang is also very much in demand, since it fits well on the Nigerian body type,” Elohor says, who may also tick the box that says “celebrity wedding”. In 2013 Privé Luxury planned one of Nigeria’s most talked-about weddings, twhich ended up being broadcast on a local TV network. It was when Nigeria’s leading female recording artist Tiwa Savage, exchanged vows with husband Tee Billz. Their destination wedding was held at Dubai’s Armani Hotel, part of world’s tallest man-made structure, the Burj Khalifa.”I have a good relationship with the Armani Hotel in Dubai, they love Nigerian weddings,”Aisien concludes.

Some might argue that it is morally wrong for a country in which some have to live on a dollar a day, to add value to how many liters of DP are flowing at a wedding. Others however, claim that if it wasn’t for lavish Nigerian weddings, there would be no Nigerian economy. “I appreciate them spending this money, cause without these weddings I don’t know where the Nigerian economy would be,” says Weruche Majekodunmi, founder of Newton & David, a local company specialized in event design and décor. “The weddings keep our economy going. Normally the rich Nigerians will spend their money abroad, whenever they go shopping. Thanks to the wedding industry the money is being invested back into our economy. Jobs of caterers, tailors, carpenters and upholsterers are being sustained. Prior to these major weddings, the profession of make-up artist wasn’t even considered a full-time job,” she explains.

Weruche started working with flowers at church as a hobby, around 25 years ago. It was at a time in which Nigerians paid little to no attention, to the decoration of their wedding venue. “Up to fifteen years ago, some weddings wouldn’t even have a table cloth on the tables and they wouldn’t have any flowers except for the bridal bouquet. Nowadays Nigerian weddings will feature expensive flowers from France, silk table cloth and lots of crystal. A lot of the elite Nigerian kids have been educated abroad, so they’re used to the international standard when it comes to detail. They’ve become accustomed to a certain standard, so to import something isn’t unusual to them” the décor specialist slash wedding planner explains. Currently trending amongst the international kids is the flower wall, which surged in popularity after Kim Kardashian’s marriage to Kanye West.

Weruche goes on saying, “It has happened three times in the last five years that I’ve organized a wedding that cost over $2 million. They spent the most on food, Cristal champagne, entertainment and gifts to their guests. At one wedding all the invitees got their wedding outfit with their invitation. At another wedding they handed out microwave ovens, smart phones and rice cookers, to all of their guests. At some other weddings they’ll fly in their guests and arrange their accommodation in case they decide to get married overseas. You must understand, that our reasoning is different from that in the West.”

Culled from www.forbes.com

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British couple, parents of 2 disabled kids, commit suicide http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2014/12/27/british-couple-parents-of-2-disabled-kids-commit-suicide/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2014/12/27/british-couple-parents-of-2-disabled-kids-commit-suicide/#comments Sat, 27 Dec 2014 12:11:42 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=224162 Jan and Julia Tshabalala: The suicide couple and their West Sussex home

Jan and Julia Tshabalala: The suicide couple and their West Sussex home

A British couple have been found dead at their home, in Billingshurst, West Sussex, in an apparent suicide pact.

The couple were said to have had a Christmas dinner with their two disabled children before killing themselves, friends said.

Julia and Jan Tshabalala had their family meal a day early on Christmas Eve, then sent their two young children to stay with relatives.

The next morning they were found dead, the Daily Mail reported today.

Neighbours said they had seemed to be a ‘nice happy family’. The couple’s daughter, Serena, had cerebral palsy, although she did not need a wheelchair, while their son, Junior, had learning difficulties.

Police visited the rented £150,000 home on Christmas Day after a relative went to the house just after 9am.

He apparently looked through a window and saw Jan, 33, who worked as a carer, hanging in a room. His wife Julia, in her 30s, was also dead inside.

Yesterday, the couple’s white Kia 4×4 was outside their home, and a police officer was seen feeding the family’s pet rabbits.

Their children, thought to be aged between four and seven, go to a local school specialising in learning difficulties.

The couple were both declared dead at the scene. Sussex Police said post-mortem examinations will be carried out and it was not clear whether Mrs Tshabalala suffered injuries or was suffocated.

Police sealed off the house but declined to reveal if suicide notes had been found, saying: ‘Officers are working to establish the circumstances of the death but are not looking for anyone else in connection with this incident.’

*Read more @http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2887735/Husband-wife-two-young-children-died-Christmas-morning-suicide-pact-deep-financial-trouble.html

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Michele Obama tweets school photo with Barack on Xmas day http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2014/12/26/michele-obama-tweets-school-photo-with-barack-on-xmas-day/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2014/12/26/michele-obama-tweets-school-photo-with-barack-on-xmas-day/#comments Fri, 26 Dec 2014 13:43:11 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=224045 US First Lady, Michele Obama marked her Christmas with a tweet of an old School photograph of her and then handsome and now President Barack Obama, posing in front of a Christmas tree. And she simply says: Merry Christmas

Michele and Barack Obama   years ago

Michele and Barack Obama years ago

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Its ‘I Do Day’ In Rio: Nearly 4,000 tie the knot http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2014/12/01/its-i-do-day-in-rio-nearly-4000-tie-the-knot/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2014/12/01/its-i-do-day-in-rio-nearly-4000-tie-the-knot/#comments Mon, 01 Dec 2014 04:21:24 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=221311 Rio Wedding

It was Rio’s biggest mass wedding: a total of 1,960 couples who exchanged vows Sunday in a hall next to the famous Maracana stadium.

The big event brought out a whopping 12,000 people, between brides and grooms, friends and family and authorities — including a pack of judges, a Catholic priest and an evangelical Christian pastor.

Dubbed “I Do Day,” the event was sponsored by authorities to encourage many people who might not be able to afford to marry if they had to pay for licenses and banquet halls.

The megacrowd gathered in the venue which is often used for major concerts, couples tied the knot and friends took in a concert by samba star Dudu Nobre.

Guests also got a free ride on local trains — nicknamed the “I Do Day Train” just for the occasion.

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I had no secret wedding, says Omawumi http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2014/10/31/i-had-no-secret-wedding-says-omawumi/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2014/10/31/i-had-no-secret-wedding-says-omawumi/#comments Fri, 31 Oct 2014 12:18:06 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=218055 Omawumi: squashes rumour of a secret wedding

Omawumi: squashes rumour of a secret wedding

“Bottom Belle crooner” Omawumi Megbele has dispelled rumours of her secret marriage in Warri with only family members and few friends in attendance.

News of her secret wedding in Warri had made the rounds some weeks back.

It was reported that the singer, with few friends and family members, attended the ceremony which reportedly coincided with the singer’s late Dad’s 10th anniversary.

Omawunmi went on the social media to explain that although she was engaged, a date had not been picked for the marriage.

She advised people to stop listening to gossips trailing people every time as stories about her were not always from her.

The singer said that if people were waiting to know her marriage date from her, that would be impossible because she was not ready to disclose it.

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Catholic Will Never Bless Gay Marriage —Cardinal http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2014/10/10/catholic-will-never-bless-gay-marriage-cardinal/ http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2014/10/10/catholic-will-never-bless-gay-marriage-cardinal/#comments Fri, 10 Oct 2014 13:20:27 +0000 http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/?p=215366 A leading Vatican cardinal said on Thursday the Roman Catholic Church will never bless gay marriage, wading into a controversy over the issue in Italy and other countries, reports Reuters.

On Tuesday, Italian Interior Minister Angelino Alfano ordered mayors to stop recognizing the validity of gay marriages performed outside the country, prompting protests from rights groups and local officials.

“We have to be honest,” Cardinal Francesco Coccopalmerio, the Vatican’s highest ranking expert on Church law, said on Thursday when asked if he could foresee the Church ever granting “some sort of blessing” for gay couples.

“For us, and not just for us but for human culture in general, marriage is between a man and a woman,” he told a briefing on a synod, or assembly, of some 200 Roman Catholic bishops discussing family matters.

The cardinal said the Church did not judge homosexual couples, regarding them as people of good faith.

“But to bless this type of union … to say that they are like (heterosexual) marriages, never. This is simply for reasons of logic and identity. To bless them is not part of the way we see Christian doctrine,” he said.

Pope Francis has said the Church must be more compassionate with homosexuals, saying last year: “If a person is gay and seeks God and has good will, who am I to judge.”

But he also reaffirmed Church teaching that while gays should be treated with respect and homosexual tendencies are not sinful, homosexual acts are.

Participants at this week’s synod, a preparatory session for a larger meeting next year, have said the Church should tone down its condemnatory language when referring to gay couples.

But Coccopalmerio drew a line. “There can be exquisite people in these conditions (of homosexuality) but that’s not the same as saying that this is a good union and should be blessed. That is something else.”

Italian mayors have allowed gay couples legally wed abroad to register their unions in city halls when they return, just as heterosexual couples who marry outside Italy can do.

The local recognition, which effectively skirted Italian national law that does not allow gay marriage, is significant because it can help a partner inherit the other’s estate and affects health benefits, insurance and pensions.

A poll taken last year showed that gay marriage was supported by just a quarter of the population in Italy, where the Roman Catholic Church holds considerable sway over politics.

But the poll’s findings indicated that this number would probably grow and that an overwhelming number of Italians now favored “civil unions” giving gay couples more rights.

Father Tom Rosica, one of the Vatican officials briefing reporters on the closed-door meetings, said a number of bishops said Church officials should stop using phrases such as “intrinsically disordered” when speaking of homosexuals.

That was the phrase used by former Pope Benedict in a document written before his election, when he was still Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, head of the Vatican’s doctrinal department.

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