19th September, 2014
By Aidy Thomas
Majority of people grapple with low self esteem; they can be white, black, mixed race, etc. Feeling less about who you are has no respect for age, race, religion, sex, financial status, physical appearance of being tall/short, fat/slim, handsome/ugly, beautiful/ugly or whatever you may want to identify with human life.
In some situations, people you think are on top of the world may actually be far consumed by feelings of inadequacy and being conscious of their shortcomings. This is more of an inward thing; your perception tries to define what you are, how people see you and why certain things happen contrary to your expectations.
Lesley, an intelligent young lady, has grown to love and be committed to her relationship with Peter. They had the opportunity to start work in the same organisation at the same time. The joy of finding each other to be the only successful ones after a long list of applicants, who went through same exercises and screening with them, made them beam as they entered the front office on their first morning.
Having their induction and basic training on the job together brought them even closer and soon they became real good friends. Lesley nursed the feelings that having an intimate relationship with Peter might not be a bad idea but her quiet and reserved personality would not let her voice it. Life continued till Peter could not hold it anymore; he probably had noticed their feelings were mutual so he made the ‘big’ move -asked Lesley for a date and took things from there.
When it was time for Lesley to meet Peter’s parents over dinner, she felt so humiliated and rejected as the family expressed shock. They thought it was Amy, the girl Peter had been dating for eighteen months that was coming home for dinner. Yes, Peter wanted it to be a surprise but where he lost it was trying to hide from his family that Amy actually left him because he had no job at the time. Peter felt ashamed to let his family know this part of his relationship, so he cleverly told them Amy couldn’t see him as frequent because she moved to a far city for work.
Being a very descent and morally sound family, they felt it would not be a good idea for Peter to cheat on Amy. Based on this, Lesley did not receive a very warm welcome.
Any woman would have felt bad but Lesley took things out of place because she already has serious problems with herself image and this affected her badly. She felt she was too big (obese) for her age and looking at all the size zero girls swinging their tiny hips only made her feel devastated the more.
Peter was not expecting that kind of atmosphere for an evening of her fiancé’s visit and unfortunately, there was no time for him to explain their reactions to Lesley clearly without putting her in a worse state.
As far as you can see, Peter’s parents innocently defended a departed Amy who they felt their son should not hurt but they ended up hurting the person he now loves and cares for so deeply. The fault was not primarily theirs, as Peter did not carry them along in the split.
Lesley’s hurt meant so much to Peter that he had to cut the whole outing short. When he took his darling home, all she could lament was “your people rejected me because I’m fat, they think I’m not good enough for you.”
At that point, Peter had no choice than explain the truth about his family’s disposition to her. Trying to put herself in the same situation, Lesley agreed she wouldn’t want a man to fiddle with her emotions while hanging out with another babe behind.
The family had their blame for not being discreet in their approach but Lesley lost it big time by allowing them to spoil her romantic evening- a time she had prepared so much for, buying a special dress and accessories to wow the people.
There is no point saying, ‘Lesley blew her chances’ but it is worth noting that it could have been avoided if she had not been deeply destroyed by low self esteem.
How to overcome low self esteem…..
Learn how to love yourself: Whatever your definition of self love, start seeing the ‘you’ as a lovely finished work of nature. Learning to love without reasons is about the hardest and purest form of love. Be able to look yourself in the mirror and appreciate what you see there. This has nothing to do with perfect beauty or a model’s physique. It’s all about ‘you’. Don’t be surprised to hear that even some highly paid models still feel they are not good enough. Beauty is beyond what we see; it is a spirit.
Create time for ‘you’: It’s so refreshing to find a suitable time when you can do things that appeal to your comfort alone. Don’t confuse this with being selfish; it is a time you lavish to satisfy your personal need. It may be spending time in the spa, gym, eating out, travelling or going on holiday; just something that makes you tick.
Ignore negatives: Treat negative attitude, responses and comments as ‘opinion’ which people are entitled to. You cannot tell people what to say about you, how to treat you and how to respond to you but you can tell yourself how to react to their negative attitude. Some act in ignorance, others act out of jealousy and majority cannot even be bothered of your existence. A close look will convince you that they are not even worth the headache.
Do good to others and show love as much as you can: It’s worldwide: It’s so soothing to know that you are not alone in any situation you find yourself. You are not the first and would not be the last in any way. Millions of people are battling with self worth. If everyone is busy trying to sort themselves out why would you be the one to quit? Life is a daily walk and you’ll need to keep doing something positive to get to your destination.
Get help: Read books, articles, attend counselling sessions and speak to people who are knowledgeable enough to support you through the challenges.