29th August, 2014
By Aidy Thomas
Two adults coming together in a relationship as man and wife points to the fact that they need each other: to love and be loved, share their moments and entire life together.
A young woman, Claire, mother of twin boys; still younger than school age, met an old college mate during a summer holiday event, spent some time to talk and got to hear about his own side of growing into a full blown man.
Claire shared her story:
Since I left school, life has not been the same; I started a business of my own and was doing great until the demands of early pregnancy became increasingly unbearable. I was in and out of hospital: had little time to connect with my clients and could hardly meet deadlines.
As soon as scan revealed I was carrying twins, I decided to be more cautious; only doing what was absolutely necessary. At this point, life became harder, there was need for me to ask for help in so many ways but there was really no one I could call on.
My decision to be a single mum did not turn out very well after all but I had to move on with life. Mum lived a couple of miles away but she could not just be bothered to check on me – our relationship has always been distant and cold. The father of my children on the other hand had issues I would never think of allowing him stay around in my condition nor trust him enough to be with the children without close supervision.
I was just getting to know him in our relationship of three months when I got pregnant. It was a little too early for such commitment but the idea that I had something doing that could meet my financial need brought succour. Sooner than anyone could imagine, I was left alone to face reality of being a single mum.
There were times I would spend the whole night crying and regretting my choice but it was already too late for a reverse action. Sometimes, I would just need someone to speak to me and make me think things will be fine someday.
The birth of the children brought me joy; at least seeing that I was woman enough to mother a baby elated me. I am not the first single mum so I thought I would get by just the way the others did but it was a lot more demanding than I can ever explain.
When I heard a woman complain that her husband only sits at home all day and watches football, I drew her attention to the fact that she was at least enjoying free child care from someone who knows and loves the children. I did not mean to hold brief for a lazy husband but my condition has taught me that any kind of help you can get should be highly appreciated. Is joblessness a kind of help then? What if he refused to be home for the kids; doing school run and looking after them? How much would have gone into child care? Sure you would have still survived but on a tighter robe- so love what you’ve got.”
At that instant, the guy Claire shared her experience with realised that for him to keep a good job but have no stable relationship was a setback. He knew he could come home with a fat pay but who does the decoration, cooking, arranging and probably running around to balance his busy schedule?
Whether it is the man who needs companion or it’s the woman who feels overwhelmed by loneliness, the bottom line is the fact that man was created with the desire to be with others; in a family, work place or other forms of relationships and when that aspect is lacking, there seems to be issues with fulfilment and happiness.
Some problems in the society today can be traced to either the influence of relationships or lack of a good and meaningful one. People generally derive a sense of belonging when they get some assurance of love, care and support from allies.
Having established the fact that relationship thrives better when there is mutual support and responsibility, it will be helpful to note that your whole life should not depend on the mercy of someone you are expecting to show you love. Sitting at a corner and waiting for love to come can be a very frustrating and expensive venture. The more you express desperation, the more vulnerable you are likely to be in the union.
No level of love can survive suffocation. Giving your spouse some kind of space and allowing them show you love the way they understand and appreciate best does not only bring peace but you’ll also be respected.
How You May Need Each Other…
Sharing: Having someone to share your day is one of the greatest blessings you can possibly ask for. There is so much tension in the world nowadays that it takes love to keep you going. Moments of failure and success alike need a listening ear to unleash the wave. The joy of sharing material acquisition can be so deep; you’ll always look forward to letting loved ones have a cut of your achievement.
Financial support: Most people agree that they are still in their relationships because of the relief of sharing financial burden. You don’t need to misunderstand this; relationship or marriage should not be built on the premise of what you can get from the other person but the fact remains that ‘two is better than one’. Putting the earnings of two people together can go further than just one struggling source.
Emotional support: One would have thought that mentioning sharing above should have taken care of emotional support. I heard someone say that “you cannot take your pay cheque to bed”. This is very true and speaks of the fact that money cannot buy everything; you still need people, someone you can lean on to share personal concerns like loss of a loved one or moment of basking in each other’s warmth.
Help: When your need comes second and your target is to help the other achieve their dreams and success with ease it makes them feel cared for.
There are numerous ways you may need each other depending on your circumstances; work it out and learn to be there for each other as much as you can.