1st August, 2014
Only people who are sincere will admit they still have some work to do on their relationships. Denial, as it were does not rule out the fact that the problem is in existence and staring you in the face for that matter.
For whatever reasons, we are deceived by the “old wife’s tale” that some people are not meant to love; their emotions are usually bottled up; even at the point of death there is no place for self expression. Now tell me, why should some people not express themselves like the others? Is there a different blood flowing in their veins or could it even be ‘water’ instead of blood? There is definitely no ground for this assertion as human beings are basically made to love relationships.
Yes I know you would put me to task if I forget to mention that culture plays a vital role in the behaviour, attitude and values of people. But I’m of the opinion that what is good is simply good; we all have a fair idea of fairness and rudeness.
For the purpose of this publication, we would be considering certain things lovers can do to improve upon the structure of their relationship. These are:
Say it; what you say to other people about your relationship has a way of getting back to your spouse. People might not be able to come out openly and tell your love that you said certain things about them but it will definitely show in the way they relate, respond and generally treat him/her. Just in case your spouse happens to hear your exact words about him/her it will go a long way to condition reactions. Now that we know this, what a great gain will it be if we concentrate our effort saying nice things just to make our partners feel good?
There was a case of a woman who had serious problems with her husband simply because he never took time to say how much he appreciated her. This made her live in self condemnation and pity but there came a day she met with someone (a fellow woman) at a birthday party which changed her impression of her hubby. At the peak of eating and drinking, behold Emma (a young and trendy babe) worked up to Mrs. Lawson (the woman who has been complaining about her husband) and extended a hand of fellowship. Though surprised, Mrs. Lawson responded well but demanded to know who the lady (Emma) was. She then introduced herself in a humble manner but ended up with the information that she was in charge of the Human Resources unit of Mr. Lawson’s office. She (Emma) went ahead to disclose that Mr. Lawson has been saying very nice things about her (the wife). This was the best thing Mrs. Lawson had heard since she got married and also the “pill” that healed her marriage from the problems of many years.
Learn about your lover’s interest; Taking pains to learn about your
Spouse’s interest is a clear indication that you desire to please him/her despite your differences. Once this is established, a greater part of your marital problem is solved. Almost everyone knows that football is not naturally a woman’s game but for me to remain happily married to Mr. Thomas, I had to become anArsenal fan. Can you imagine that? Sometimes I watch the match not because I want to but because I need to gist with my love at the close of work- you know for conversation to flow, it must be in your area of interest. This does not in any way suggest that football is the only thing we discuss at home but it is away from my interest; I do it for my love. Should I tell you how much this adjustment has paid off? Oh no, it’s meant for me alone, just take the lesson and leave the rest.
Be adventurous; I’m sure at the mention of the word adventure, your mind quickly scrolled to discovering things like an island or embarking on some kind of journey no one had attempted before now. Well, if that is the way you want to look at it, you should be the only one who discovers, knows and does what keeps your spouse’s head spinning. But ideally, what I mean by being adventurous is going out of your way to find out what your ‘love’ would enjoy in the true sense of the word. There is everything wrong with a relationship that is still the way it started some five years ago. Take it or leave it, if new things are not introduced to the relationship, there is every possibility that couples would be bored. Try out some new ideas, go to some novel places and map out things that appeal to you as a person and see how it goes. I must not forget to say it here that some of your ‘fantastic’ ideas might not work and when this happens, you should not be discouraged. Rather, take it as a call to more adventurous moves.
Lend a helping hand; with apologies to the overtly independent fellows, I propose that your help to your spouse is simply indispensable. Saying that you do not need your spouse to help out in some issues is just like saying he/she is not relevant to your existence-why? We need each other for life to go on well. Have you ever heard of sayings like “no man is an island” “a tree cannot make a forest” etc. the world would indeed be a better place if we could work together as one.
Apart from what we can do to help relief the burden of others, asking or allowing your spouse to be of help to you in some way also make you feel needed in the relationship.
Priority; when your relationship takes a good order on your priority list, you will be moved to do things that would in most cases work for its interest. People who place their relationship at a disadvantaged position end up regretting in most cases.
Time; for every venture to grow, the owner should allocate adequate time for it. You must learn to find and spend time with your love. If it is not practicable within the confines of your home, please take a trip either within or outside the country just to be alone and enjoy the serenity of your love.
Be full of pleasant surprises; A little gift of love can go a long way to improve the quality of your relationship. Did you hear me say relationship is based on what you can give? No I only encourage people to give as an expression of love. Love gives.
Appreciate; is it a big deal to tell the other person what he/she is doing well? Tell your partner he/she looks good and mean it-no flatteries please. Remember to say ‘thank you’ when an act of kindness is extended.
Talk to each other about your feelings
Let ‘care’ become a frequent gesture between you.