7th March, 2014
There could be different definitions or assumptions of what a healthy relationship is. Good health in its general sense is often attributed to an experience of soundness flowing in a specific area. It will therefore not be strange to ask if your relationship as an important area of your life is sound enough to bring you comfort and satisfaction.
It’s obvious that every relationship is unique and dynamic with likes and challenges peculiar to their nature, structure, make-up and participants. This attempts to remove the cap anyone would place on what a healthy relationship should look like but that being said, there are still fundamental paths to follow if happiness is the aspiration of your union.
There are definitely things regular people would enjoy and celebrate if done with and for them. These include the way they are treated, seen, respected, valued and presented/represented in public places. Some lovers are fine with shabby attitudes as long as they are away from public eyes or witness of a third party but others cannot just stand a messy approach from their significant half.
Having a healthy relationship should not in any case be the responsibility of one person who is meant to feel guilty each time things go wrong in the union. Yes! it’s good to take responsibility for your life but hipping blames on yourself will not do much good to the relationship neither will it make the other person love you more. Two consenting adults should be able to decide and follow through what would make them happy and fulfilled as a couple.
Traditionally/culturally, a man or woman may be expected to be more responsible in some areas like finance, child care, home keeping, protection, etc. Depending on who you’re tying up with and what they believe and stand for; it remains the choice of both of you to specify who does what and how much help they can ask or receive from the other party. Spelling out responsibilities in most cases does not rule out the fact that the other partner would still give support if needed. If she’s the home maker; cleaning up with her can bring a really good relief and dropping children off at school could be a well appreciated gesture. Setting aside a few coins at the end of the month (if you are working) to offset part of the bills will definitely make him feel you are a supportive woman- he knows he has to pay it anyway but a hand from you brings comfort.
Healthy relationships have……..
- Good communication: The ability to talk and be talked to nicely is a sign of understanding ensuing between two persons. There are loads of relationships where it’s only one person who wants to be heard. The autocrat cannot be bothered about what the other party feels or may have to say. A second opinion even in matters affecting both of them is seriously frowned at. Listening is the second part of communication and here, most people get it wrong either by error or attitude. The act of listening is difficult; it takes a lot more effort than talking. If your spouse finds a ‘listener’ in you, the bond gets better. There’s an assumption that whoever listens to you has a special interest in you and wishes to support you through the situation at hand. Talking about your challenges, success and goal cannot be better done with outsiders when there is someone you claim to be in love with. Your attitude toward your partner and what concern them can spur or deter them from sharing meaningful moments with you. If you are distracted or too busy to be an active part of their conversation, there is every tendency they would find someone else who is willing to give attention and show concern. Communication has to be active, shared and balanced for appropriate result.
- Mutual respect: Respect is not an old fashioned myth in any way- it is, as a matter of fact an all time secret of a happy life. You respect people you love and anyone who is respected wants to show more love in return. When a woman feels loved, she gives more respect to the man and a man who feels respected goes out of his way to shower more love. When one partner feels superior and sees himself/herself as doing the other person a ‘favour’ by remaining in the union, arrogance will set in soon. Having respect for each other does not entail saying yes to every whim and caprice of the other. You can disagree with things but the manner of your disagreement will speak of the level of respect you hold for him/her.
- Support: Standing with your spouse in need is one potent joy of being in love. Showing interest in what he/she does and doing your bit to make it better tells your loved one they are not alone in life. There are so many people who would have lived their dreams today but because no one showed interest; everything died there. Being a part of each other is being there for each other.
- Believe: Believing in your love makes you give support and be willing to identify with projects not minding their demands. When you believe in someone’s ability; it’s easier to stick with them even when the total picture is not yet clear to you.
- Right talking: To enjoy a healthy relationship, learn to say the right things. Tell your spouse the good things you have seen about them and confess how much you enjoy being with them. The more you dwell on the positive side of life, the more encouragement it gives to the other.
- Care: Caring for the need of your loved one and his/her family members is a way to say that you appreciate being part of them. When you are happy in a relationship, it’s easier to want to make other people happy as well but an unhappy spouse is a pain to others; there is transferred aggression of how you are treated- you want others to share in your displeasure too.
- Time together: Spending quality time together shows that you are happy to be together.
- Fresh start: You can have as many fresh starts as can make your relationship healthy. Leaving the past behind and moving forward after a hurt or offence will keep you together.
- Gifts: Small or great gifts that touch the heart brings romance in relationships. You cannot talk of real love without wanting to give something to the one you love.