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Today’s Pressure (ll)  print

Published on August 2, 2013 by   ·   No Comments

Having said that most of the problems encountered in relationships could have been avoided only if people took control of their emotions and refused to be deceived by what others have, it should be made clear that anxiety births pressure.

Are you confusing anxiety with ambition? They are not the same thing but both portray moving up to a higher level in whatever you do. Anxiety makes you sick while ambition propels you to take the right steps for the right results. Anxiety makes you worry while ambition makes you work.

It’s absolutely gorgeous to desire the good things of life but trouble beckons when your desire is coated with sorrow- you just want whatever you’re looking for by all means and not getting it frustrates and renders life bitter. Oh no! It shouldn’t be.

In order to salvage relationships already buffeted by pressure, attention should be given to the kinds of pressure that exist and how to overcome them all.

Some likely areas of pressure in relationships include:

Money: The presence or absence of money can push a man/woman to strange behaviour. It’s amazing to see that some relationships do well until the onset of financial burst. Couples who enjoyed spending time together suddenly realised there was too much money to spend with only one person. This has nothing to do with helping others- I encourage giving and sharing especially with family and friends. Taking it out on a wrong note is when infidelity comes in and extramarital relations arise.

Counting so much money can also bring pride to a relationship that was once a humble abode of peace. Now that there is so much money, the favoured party feels the other should worship him/her. Unnecessary demands are made even at the expense of love and vow of unity. Once your spouse treats you with contempt, interest in the relationship flies through the back door. Have you ever wondered why spouses of very rich people still flirt around with people lower than their class? They are seeking fulfilment, something their partner is not giving them. But this should not be an excuse for anyone to misbehave: be faithful to your spouse as long as you are still together.

Lack of money on the other hand bites harder than a serpent. Show me a relationship with so much problems and I’ll show many with financial challenges. Only very few people can cope well with tight purse. That is why I respect relationships that started from a humble beginning and grew together to become great. Do we hear it said that money answers all things? True! It’s also a defence. It takes a really disciplined fellow to be unperturbed by lack. Men and women have abandoned their loved ones and sometimes relationships they had laboured for over a long time at the wave of currency. People are so quick to follow where money flows; if you don’t have it, you cannot keep them in the union. Is it supposed to be this way? No, as long as there is life, everyone is a potential success. Calm down and build a lovely relationship so you would be able to enjoy the wealth when it finally comes. No matter the money you make, if you do not have a peaceful place to call a home, life may not be very meaningful to you. People will keep asking ‘so what is he/she working for?’

•Sex: I don’t know about people who indulge in extra-marital sex but my concern is with those within the context of marriage. I’ve spoken with so many couples who have lost their spouses because there are problems in the bedroom. Again, I don’t buy any reason for leaving your partner; things can always be sorted out.

Women feel unloved when their spouses ignore their emotional need and men feel grossly disrespected when refused intimacy. The build up of sexual pressure can be so difficult to handle and it gives birth to so many other problems in the relationship. Unfortunately, people are not always willing to open up on this issue because there’s a tint of shame surrounding it and this makes it all too difficult for help to come their way. They live in denial for a long time and can even say to each other they do not need to have sex for the marriage to succeed- lies, it’s all lies. They need each other like yesterday and would jump at the slightest opportunity to cruise. When angry couples sit with me to discuss issues, I indirectly touch their sex life to have a feel of how they value the union. Sometimes, husband not bringing out enough money for family upkeep and wife not preparing good dinner for the family can be traced to sexual pressure. Some take it out on the children, dogs or even colleagues at work and ordinary passersby they meet in the course of the day. That’s why I’ve learnt to control my reactions when people lash out; it might really not have anything to do with you, they’re simply expressing their frustration.

•Your past: You are a product of your past whether you are conscious of it or not. If your spouse is having challenging behaviour that raises concerns, look into his/her past. Past experiences either in previous relationships or family has a way of conditioning one to see their spouse in such light. A woman who was cheated in a previous relationship will waste no time in suspecting her husband when he turns up late from work. Once she has built up that negative thought, she might not welcome him well and if he responds to her negative attitude by ignoring her throughout the evening, you can be sure the night will be war. A man whose money was squandered by an extravagant lady becomes extra careful in his new relationship just to avoid what happened before. The truth is that most times, innocent people suffer for what they might never commit.

•Friends and family: Everyone knows what bad friends and family can do to relationships. Most relationships collapse because of wrong and selfish counsel of the people surrounding you. Some do it deliberately to destroy your happiness. So weigh every advice before you take it.

•Self: It’s a painful truth to accept that you are the reason for your problem. It is you who allows people to get you into pressure. Take charge of your heart and decide to live your own life. You have a duty to protect yourself by choosing to move with the right kind of people who align with your goals in life. Don’t be afraid to say ‘NO’ to people or disengage from those who are destroying you. It’s your life; live it well.

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Posted by on August 2, 2013, 1:38 pm. Filed under Columns, Love & Life by Aidy Thomas. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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  1. ify

    A word is enough for the wise! You have said it all!

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