22nd February, 2013
Coping with sensitive people can be real hard work especially when you are not sure of how to penetrate their world and make them feel loved. You might want to ask why someone would think of being in a relationship with another who is totally different from him/her or difficult to understand.
The truth really is that relationships are not only meant to be good when two people who are like minded come together; as a matter of fact I do not believe in compatibility as a prerequisite for successful relationships. It can be nice to have someone you can easily get along with but looking for ‘a clone’ is what I question seriously. The main issue is your ability to adjust and have a meaningful love life.
Complaining about spouse’ sensitivity is a familiar terrain; they love to remain in their own world and would do anything possible to keep the walls high so you do not penetrate. They may sometimes stay around you but in reality, you do not exist in their calculations. Shutting off people both subtly or openly is one thing sensitive persons do so well and have no regrets at all. Apparently, this is who they are; they have innate ability to keep away from others and concentrate on their personal schedule.
This nagging desire/demand for space or privacy is what posses a lot of challenges for people who are in relationship with sensitives. Relationship on its own is a life of sharing and intermingling. When your spouse constantly crave a time to be alone and involve in ‘personal times or me times’ the cord of bond is likely to be threatened if there is no mutual understanding.
Instead of getting irritable and resentful about your spouse’ behaviour, it will help to note the following:
•Sensitivity is an innate ability: According to Ted Zeff- a great author of books on ‘Highly Sensitive People’, “Being highly sensitive isn’t a disorder, ailment or flaw; it is simply an innate trait. Sensitive people already have enough pressure to cope with in their lives, so making them feel as if something is wrong with them is a fast way of killing them. There is a private struggle going through their mind daily as they see life from a different perspective; and keep wondering why things should be so different with them. No body purposely wants to be sensitive but if this is who you are: just like any other aspect of life, you can only seek and discover ways to make the best out of the situation.
•Attention to moods: Living with a partner who thrives by mood makes you wonder if they were created to perpetually interpret what goes on around them. They seem to be very sharp at noticing other people’s emotions and can easily tell when they are not wanted or welcome in an environment.
•Highly intuitive: If you share your life with a sensitive person, it will help for you to accept that their level of intuition is out of this world. They have a list of who they want around you and who should never come near their territory despite who they are to you. Needless to say that this could be painful; when it’s like they are trying to tell you who to get along with and who to keep at arms lengths. They are quick to notice people who might not be in your best interest; how they do this I really do not know but pointers face the direction that they are highly spiritual and easily connect to the energies available in their environment. Sometimes you tend to discover much later why they said certain people/friends make them uncomfortable.
•Low tolerance to noise: If by nature your loved one is upset by noise and worried by too much activities all happening at the same time, understand that they are missing out of that part of them which loves to be calm and take things slowly so as to be able to have in-depth understanding and concentration. High noise levels interfere with their inward search and meditative tendencies, so a highly sensitive person would do anything to stay out of noise and a million miles from lousy people who would talk and drain them; causing them to be even more difficult to cope with. They actually do get over stimulated to stress if trying to over socialise. Spouses who are not great ‘at people’ are sometimes misjudged and branded ‘selfish’ but this could be far from the truth; they may just be very private people. Great writers, some celebrities and counsellors have been found in this group.
•Startled by lights and strong smells: I can still remember sometime ago when a young husband told me he doesn’t understand why his bride would prefer to stay in a dark room during the day without wanting to open the curtain. If only he knew this; it would have saved them all that long argument of whether the room should be left dark or bright. It’s amazing how little things like this could make a difference in relationships.
•Body consciousness: Paying attention to how they look and appear before others is one attribute of sensitive people; they take in people’s comments seriously and this makes them a little conscious of how they look, what they wear and how others see them.
To help a sensitive spouse, you can encourage them to:
•Unwind and refresh as often as possible since their energy basically come from within.
•Shield them from being bombarded by people and social events or negative feelings.
•Make them feel great and special and not weird/strange.
•Reassuring, validating and appreciating them works out really great.
•If there are concerns, getting them to talk to a therapist or linking them with like minded people could be of help.