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Mistakes Men Make In Marriage  print

Published on November 25, 2011 by   ·   38 Comments

Men, you often don’t mean to nag, but you may be making mistakes that risk ruining your marriage. In fact, if you are a typical man, you are likely making several mistakes and quite often. Don’t believe me? Ask your wife.

Now, before you get all defensive, this isn’t about blame. These are not ridiculous relationship mistakes; they are the subtle things that you might not even know you’re doing. And changing these habits could make a big difference to your wife and that can only be good for you.

Recognising these mistakes and making efforts to correct them will not only help your marriage, it may also help your health and that of your spouse.

Over time, negative feelings in a relationships that are not addressed can lead to physical and psychological problems, says Silver Spring.

Now I want to show you some of those things you are doing wrong and which are hurting your wife without you knowing it. As usual, I expect some attacks from the men, but that won’t matter; I am enjoying every bit of it and I love you guys.

Being Sexually Selfish or Clueless
In the bedroom, according to Maslow, men forget or, worse, haven’t figured out that their wives often need more than they do to get turned on.

“Affection, making her feel loved and needed is basic for her to feel aroused,” Maslow says, while

Vanderhorst says turning a woman on begins well before the lights go down.

“Men perceive sex as a sufficient means of being close, of having a connection”, she says. But women want a connection prior to having sex.

To a typical man, sex is about going in there and coming out before the woman even starts to enjoy it. Like Vanderhorst says, turning a woman on begins before the lights go down. If you must get your wife to desire sex with you, you must be ready to get her to be happy and excited having you around even before sunset.

A good number of men complain about their wives losing appetite for sex once they have children. It is not always the case of a woman losing appetite for sex or having a low libido; it is about you and the man you are. How do you expect a normal human being to get aroused after your shouting and nagging? For a good sex life with your wife, you must be willing to create a good atmosphere for sex. I know she can be crazy and often gets on your nerves, but God has given you the ability to treat her as the weaker vessel.

Please create time to ignore your own sexual satisfaction and give up yourself for her pleasure. Explore her body to find out what her erogenous zones are and how best she wants you to handle them. It is an adventure worth taking for the woman you love.

Losing her friendship
Everyone desires to be with the loved one. The mistake often made by men is their belief that a woman doesn’t really need a man the moment she starts having babies. Men oftentimes ignore their wives believing the company of the children is enough for her. Sir, her marriage is to you and not the children.

A good number of African men end the friendship they have with their wife as soon as their babies come. What you don’t know is that the woman needs you more at that stage of her life. Don’t go the way of other men who dump their wives at home and find pleasure in the company of friends and other women. If you choose to go that way, chances are she won’t be there by the time you start seeking her company and friendship because she must have created friends and other companies to take your place.

From my counselling sessions, I have come to realise that men oftentimes misbehave at the early stage of their marriage only for them to start looking for her friendship at the later part of their lives. This is when you see men complaining of their wives not having their time, but the truth is that she is doing what she is familiar with—living her life without you.

Worshipping the mother
I am one person who does not joke with elderly people. I believe our parents must be properly taken care of, but also believe a woman should be given the respect due to her in her husband’s house.

A good number of men don’t have regard for their wives. Recently, during my trip to Port Harcourt, a man came to me with a complaint about his sister who is in a marriage where the man gives money to his mother to cook not just for her husband, but he, the son. This is about leading to the end of her marriage as the girl’s family is bent on taking her out of that home. Guys, this is very wrong and no woman will be happy to be treated this way. Even your mother, who is happily involved in this, will kick against it if her daughter is treated this way.

The moment you get married to your wife, your mother ceases to have that very place in your heart. Give her all that she wants and make her feel loved, but let her understand that her loving your wife means her loving you. Often times we complain about bad daughters in-law. I have found out that the women in most cases are not really mean, but were pushed to a point that they change negatively.

I am not saying there are no terrible women; there are, but men should stop turning the good women to what they are not. What do you expect when you give money for foodstuffs to your mother instead of your wife? What do you expect her to do when you keep running to your mother to ask for advice before you buy her clothes? The natural way of reacting to your style is for the woman to automatically hate your mother.

Stop hiding things about your family from her because that tells her she is just a stranger in your midst. When you are talking to your mother and the moment your wife comes out you change the topic of discussion, don’t think she doesn’t have an idea of what you are doing; she knows and will do everything to protect her own territory too. Let everyone around you know you are one with your wife.

Conflict Resolution
How do you handle issues in your home? Are you one of those men who get their friends and family involved in every argument? Are you the type that runs out to meet other women who sweet tongue you the moment you fall out with your wife? Are you that man who brings his sisters to come and beat up his wife after a fight? If you fall into any of these groups, I am sorry, but I have to let you know you are yet to become a man.

There is no problem too difficult to a real man. You may not agree with me, but the truth is that no woman is uncontrollable. The only thing that makes her look uncontrollable is the inability of her man to identify the key to her head and heart. No matter her level of madness, there is a man out there who has the key to her sanity and this is why I tell women to always be careful in their choice of a man.

Instead of you raising your hand on a woman or like some men do, carry your chair to exchange words with a woman, bring out the man in you. Words are powerful and can conquer strong nations and kings. Words, sweet words, spoken at the right time when she is calm, can melt that very strong and tough heart.

Market List
It is surprising to know there are still men in this age and time who ask their wives for market list. Some even go the extent of asking their wife to submit her market list to the secretary for screening and approval. If you are such a man, you are a disgrace to nature. Some men won’t even give the woman money to go to the market, they do the shopping themselves all in the name of love. Others follow her to the market all in the name of love, but the truth is that they are monitoring her spending. If she is your wife, stop monitoring her.

I advise women not to make themselves too cheap by lying when it comes to market list, but I also don’t blame them much because when a man keeps her as a full-time housewife and at the same time does not provide for her, the only option left is for her to start looking for ways to get some money for her upkeep. If I may ask, who should spend your money if not your wife?

Before you do anything to your wife, please pause and ask yourself this question, how will I feel if a man does this to my daughter or sister? If your answer is in the negative, please don’t do it to her.

Posted by on November 25, 2011, 12:49 pm. Filed under Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

38 Comments for “Mistakes Men Make In Marriage”

  1. Rev, Benny Merriman-Johnson.

    Very good Amara. As you said, most men do not even realize they have any faults here. God will continue to empower you as you remain a blessing to people. God bless. It is well.

  2. TimmyTall

    Amara Miss relationship expert, are you married?

    • Modupe

      Of course,she was once married.Trust me,she is writing based on experience.Amara is a brave lady and she wants people to learn from her.Keep the good work,Amara,i enjoy your every piece of write-up

  3. Ugochukwu

    Some of the things you wrote are quite true, but there is so much malicious guilt in the tone of your writing. You wrote as someone who has abandoned her marriage and is taking every opportunity available to her to justify her action. Men and women have their faults in marriage, and it is when neither or both of the parties can no longer put up with the other’s fault that we say that irreconcilable differences exist. That is when every avenue to COMMUNICATE with each other has broken.

    I advise Amara that if indeed my guess about her marital status is correct, she should forgive herself and her ex-husband/lover and move on with her life. Life is too short to live in regrets. Please let no man give he what she yearns for: Attack from men.

  4. TOK

    Another Men bashing article.
    These are the reasons why young men are staying are from Marriages.
    Because it put them in bondage.
    Why are men been punished for getting married.

  5. koya

    I think it should be 7 mistakes and not 5, Amara. The other two, if I may add, are closeness to God in prayer and hard work, in providing for the family.
    Well, some people think Amara had issues with her husband. Indeed, she should let us know if she remains married. Or how come she only mentioned how she does not joke with elderly people? Did you joke with your husband? Were you submissive to him? Did you not nag him too? Have you removed the peck leaving the beam?

  6. alexmulty

    ugochukwu im in support of ur submition

  7. Vincent, Unical

    Life is bad to an extent and has made both sex follow d same down-rolling pattern! But, alas, who is a better human? As long as this earth exists, nothing can achieve perfection no matter how hard one tries, even in marriage! So, whether u are married or out of it, one should try to be happy wherever and however possible. Am still human!

  8. Vincent, Unical

    Life is bad to an extent and has made both sex follow d same down-rolling pattern! But, alas, who is a better human? As long as this earth exists, nothing can achieve perfection no matter how hard one tries, even in marriage! So, whether u are married or out of it, one should try to be happy wherever and however possible. Am still human!

  9. Kunle

    Asking whether Amara is married or not is irrelevant here. Are all she has written not true? We need to learn from this wonderful woman and don’t insinuate. Amara, God bless you jare!

  10. Lady Amara!!! This is another simple truth for everyone who would make effort to go through this edition. Robert Byrne (a philosopher) says: “The purpose of life is a life of purpose” this could be related with marriage,life in marriage is entirely a different one with its purpose and when the purpose is not fulfilled it looses its focuse and quality. Therefore, i say the purpose of marriage is a marriage of purpose. There are so many prematured men into marriage who at the begining of it they live as if it’s a mere relationship with no purpose. If every man see a purpose to marriage just like the way some serious minded women do to give affection to both their husband and children, the same treatment should come from men to their wives and the children,then the purpose for the marriage would definately be achieved and there would not be mistakes of any kind at all. Lady Amara!!! I wish you more of the inspiration.

  11. Zikora Nnabuife

    God bless you Amara;I am a man and I am guilty of most of the things you have said.I will change honestly I will.I shall ask my wife to get in touch with you because you have been a blessing to us.For those of you talking about her marriage,dont you think God allowed this great woman to go through it for us?Cant you see how she is changing relationships and lives today?This woman’s article helped me deal with my relationship with my wife and it was after reading her article about men and their secretaries that I stopped office romance.Amara,my prayer is that God will give you a man to make you happy again.Ignore the critics because they will always be there.Set your face on your mission on earth,my dear you were born for a time as this.On behalf of my entire family,I say thank you Amara and we love you.My wife is your greatest fan,my first daughter of 19 years too.

  12. Ikem Ejiofor

    The truth is always bitter but must be told. Absolute trust spiced with love and selflessness is most important component in marriage. If you’re not sure of these,dont jump into relationship!

  13. Ur advice is quite commedable but try and make it a vise versa thing as both party are guilty in different ways.

  14. Amara, whether u are married or a divorcee, God has given u the inspiration skills to better people lives. U shall continue to grow in wisdom and understanding.
    I don’t just enjoy ur articles by reading to convictions but do it pracitically that keeps my homes safe and bubbling. Just to let u, on behalf of my lovely wife and wonderful children, I say “a big thank u for being around during our generation”.
    It is well with u no matter all the negative critics of no purpose in life reading my own comments.
    O se jare, sweet woman

  15. Ajagun M

    God bless You,Aunty Amara.You are a blessing to this generation.

  16. Femi


  17. Odusote Oluwaseun

    A little word is enough 4 a wise men. Thanks nd God bless u ma. Shallom!


    Dear Amara, your piece of writeup, not a bad one indeed. men, over to you . God bless you Amara.

  19. victor

    at least for once i am in total agreement with ur short essay of facts on interpersonal relations in marriage…sustained good sexual behaviour, benevolence, ‘teenage-like’ friendship, true and sacrificial love and respect for the place of a wife in a man’s life are all vital for a happy marriage…and in addition i maintain d@ a family d@ knows God,fears God and love God and Man wil have nothing to fear in a marriage!

  20. Prince

    A meaningless article from a jobless feminist

  21. Omo-oba Jangbadii

    Lady Amara, thank you for your inspirational write-up. The comments it attracted are also worth reading. I quite agree with your viewpoints. But, what happens when a man makes all efforts to reconcile with his wife who has belittled him over the years to such an extent that he is worthless as a filty rag. Meanwhile, the wife tongulashes and threaten the poor guy with fire and brimstones at any slight opportunity. Personally, I believe that when all moves are unsuccessful, indivividuals should go his or her way, rather than killing or maiming one another. Life is too short to be lived in pieces.iYou will also do well to write such an inspiring article on women also.

  22. Chuks Onochie

    This is mind blowing, most beautiful, should be a must read for everyman both married and unmarried, However you gave the much of it to men, i know that alot of men want their wives to be their babe for real, a woman that will withdraw and come back when everything is calmed down, am saying both the man and the woman should learn each other to know how best to work things out especially through peaceful dialogue. It works. thanks for this inspiring write up. It makes me want to marry right now.

  23. boyce

    All these people attacking Amara at the same time try to ridicule her, are guilty of most of the things she point out in this article period.

  24. Chinedu

    My dear Amara, your points are well marshalled out. These are the things that keep relationships working and many marriages seemingly rosy.
    However, I must comment that there are terrible women that no matter what you do, they cant be satisfied. They pick quarrels at the slightest instant, leep malice over unnecessary issues, crack jokes on their husbands but when such jokes are directed to them, they pick offence. Amara, I want to say that it is only God that is helping us.

  25. afeez

    may God bless u

  26. Mosan

    For those who think less with blurred vision, your article may be meaningful, but to the intellectuals who are widely exposed, it is worthless and total rubish. Reason, marriage has no recipe. The source of conflict in one marriage may be the cause of joy & sustainance in another. There are millions of reasons variedly applicable. Pls, seek more knowledge about marriage & stop generalising your failed experience.

    • Emeka Okeke

      I concur with u Mosan. Individual compatibility is a vital issue in every marriage as u rytly put it,” The source of conflict in one marriage may be the cause of joy & sustainance in another”

  27. Michael

    The writer is such a wonderful personality. Her opinions are quite true but it is not in all cases that men out of selfishness or monitoring, go to shop for the house rather out of love.

    You can agree with me that some men know what is good for the home more than their wives. In thi regard, it is just natural for the man to go get those things.
    In all, we know and act ion part only GOD knows it all!

  28. Adeyemi

    What a selfish write up! You need not generalise marriage failure to men alone,some women are naturally wicked & lazy.

  29. Fubara, Shed - Alberta, Canada

    Amara, with respect to the tittle of the piece, the ponts are rather watery and shallow. I am almost tempted to believe you didnt research well for this piece.

    You sure can do better than this.

    More grease to your elbows though.

  30. Adesola

    Keep it up!you are a good Insprirational.

  31. kelly

    The lady just hit the nail on the head for some relationships.If it does not apply to you then MOVE ON. The article sure helps me though.
    BIGUPS to u Amara

  32. Forkasibe

    Very shallow one-sided article that lacks substance. All these sweet and sentimental talk just scracthes issues on the surface. Right from the invention of fire, there has never been smoke without it. If a man receives good care from the wife, the home will be a paradise for her. If not, it affects every aspect of their lives together. How do you care about a woman that can never say sorry to anyhting she does wrong except give excuses that solicit for slaps? How do you desire a woman that does not tidy up or arrange for the cleaning of the husband’s (or their) bedroom for months? Who will care a hoot about a wife that obstinately refuses to come to bed EVERYDAY until she’s done watching yeye films on African Magic till wee hours of the following day? A wife opens the door for you after taking so much shit at work, and immediately turns her back on you before muttering an almost inaudible “welcome” as she walks away! After dumping food for you on the table or in your room, you won’t feel her presence again until 3 am when she’s tired of wacthing useless home videos! Look Amara, you don’t have to write if you are not sure of what to say or don’t have real-live facts. What to wear is another issue. A woman that cannot take suggestions from her husband as per what to wear shouid be worshipped, eh?I’m really annoyed with this write-up. Comot am from my face.

  33. Taiwo

    Amara, u have written your own piece of mind, both your critics and those that encouraged u are right. The issues of marriage is more than being one sided alone, please u need to do more research in your future write-up. well done.

  34. This great woman is a home-mender. Please, keep it up.

  35. frank

    Amara pls kip it up…I’m ̶̲̥̅̊A̶̲̥̅ man bt sometimes my frnds will make ̶̲̥̅̊A̶̲̥̅ nasty comments abt der wives in public…pls if Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ я̲̅̇ not ̶̲̥̅̊A̶̲̥̅ man dnt marry..marriage ȋ̊§ 4 men N̶̲̥̅̊ not 4 boys

  36. Zikora Nnabuife

    Where is Amara.PM News where is Amara?Abeg,I come to your website just to read her and if she is no longer here,nothing dey carry me come here.Anyway,I have to trace her and confirm if she is now writing for Guardian Newspaper as someone told me.I wish her well sha,she is a great and courageous woman.

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