Men Are Different From Women

One mistake people have continuously made is that of ever thinking or imagining they can change others. People, especially adults can be quite difficult to change- they only change if they really want to or in some cases, there is a supernatural power wheeling them to do so.

The idea of gender equality sounds good but has caused some kind of insipid allowances in relationships that we are still struggling to mend. I think what the proponents actually had in mind when this concept was conceived was to give some kind of protection to people in the form of equal opportunity, fair treatment and right to lead a peaceful and expressive life rather than teaching them rebellion or unnecessarily competition. As it is, the world already believes this movement favours the female folk more as they have been made to feel marginalized before now. This might be a step in the right direction but they have failed to also tell us that taking ‘political correctness’ hook line and sinker into marriage might not be a healthy option for relationships. Living together; if happiness is the goal would require a lot more flexibility and tolerance than demanding rights and duties of each person according to ‘law’. Our homes should be a place where we let down our guards and make everyone feel loved and accepted. I once pointed to a man not to expect his wife to tremble at the sound of his footsteps the way his secretary does at work. This does not in any way suggest she should disrespect him but an intimate relationship should be softer and down to earth. The secretary might do whatever she does just to keep her job but the wife has not only the man’s job but his entire life to keep. Having this great responsibility, she should not be put under any kind of pressure at all. You might be the Director of your company but try and be a husband at home. When women also forget that their CV is not needed at home, they tend to continually ‘rub it in’ that they’ve grown to be influential in the society. For crying out loud, can we leave titles and achievements outside the doors of our homes? What is really needed at home is giving and getting love the way we cannot get from outsiders-doing simple but interesting things to bring more spark to life.

Getting on really well in relationships entails getting well informed about the differences between men and women in order to know in a way, what is expected or what are the possible reactions to expect of our spouses. The rudiment of this research traces back to both the influence of biological anatomy and environmental exposure. Knowing a little bit more about our spouses can save us a great deal of stress, tears, sleepless nights, aches and regret. I have heard people say “My husband is so insensitive he doesn’t even know when I need his comfort”. “My wife hangs out with other women just gossiping all day”. “My husband gives so much attention to his job that we all come second place in the family”. “My new bride cries and gets moody most of the time”. “It’s pretty difficult to cope with a man who says almost nothing about his challenges –I want to be part of his pains but he won’t let me”. “My wife is too suspicious; she can smell trouble from a million miles before you can even imagine it”. My attempt to attend to these questions or situations would definitely throw more light on why he/she does what you are finding difficult to put up with. To say the least, men are different from women and the differences are also different; we shouldn’t say some are better or worse, the only word to capture the differences is ‘different’. Using the word difference would help us to be less judgmental and critical- If he comes home and forgets his pair of shoes in the living room, it’ll be a lot easier for you to pick it up and place in the rack where it should be without insulting and calling names, asking for reasons he should be so clumsy. Realizing your wife is different from you would help you not to think she is asking for too much anytime she wants to spend time in conversation with you-you’ll know she doesn’t just talk because she’s flippant; she feels a connection to you so don’t blow this chance.

To get along, you must learn to Expect, Accept and Respect these differences, doing things in a way your spouse would not feel pressured to change.

Some of these differences are expressed in form of….

Communication: Women have been analyzed by scientists to be richer in words than men. A girl child born the same time with a boy counterpart can beat him to it anytime, any day both in deep/meaningful conversation and free flow of words; this has been attributed to a faster development of brain cells and ability to combine and coordinate both right and left sides brain at the same time while a male relies easily and more heavily on his left side of the brain for solutions. Someone also put it nicely that “men communicate in sentences, women in paragraphs” so when next you say one thing and your wife says a hundred, don’t stretch your hands to shut the mouth; it is her natural tendency. Being a natural tendency does not mean that one should not control herself, in fact this is where maturity comes in- when you consciously hold back yourself from doing what your body is asking for. Self control is a clear sign of maturity and should be practised by all and in all aspects of life.

Women feel closer and validated through communication, dialogue and intimate sharing of experience, emotional content and personal perspectives.

Now that we’ve established men do not engage in lengthy talk, it should explain why they get confused when women beat about the bush instead of saying things directly. Men love simple, straight to the point discussions while women would use illustrations, and parables to say what they want.

Emotions: I’m sure we all know by now that a woman lives in the very heart of emotions. Do not ever think she’s being petty or babyish, that is her for you. If you understand this aspect of her, it would be easier for you to wrap your arms round her when she’s emotionally down and provide the love she needs. This is not a good time for ‘lecture’ just tell her you love her.

A woman’s capacity to store and recall emotions at will is truly amazing. She can remember what she felt for a man thirty years back and really bring it to fore as if the man was right there with her. She can also give you details of what and when you did something hurtful to her. This is where some husbands have problems, they can’t help but ask “Don’t you forget things? I thought I apologized and you confessed you’ve forgiven me, how come you’re going back to it?”

Men on the other hand tend to bottle up emotions; they do not want to be seen as weak. Sniffling or crying is not a man’s basic way of expressing pains. But one emotion he cannot hide for too long is when he meets a woman he loves. He might not want to date her, but he’ll surely treat her with respect and consideration.

To be continued…