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Frigidity And Sex  print

Published on November 1, 2011 by   ·   93 Comments

Amara

As usual, this topic sounds a taboo to so many ears and shouldn’t even be mentioned in public. You know you are dying inside of you and you know you have gone into certain things you shouldn’t go into because you are not getting the real thing from the right source.

Women are in our different churches looking for solution to their problems. Well, what you are about reading is one of and could actually be the solution you are looking for. Every woman is a fan of the penis; you may not be a strong fan or you are a strong fan of the wrong club; you are definitely a fan. But I know in your heart of hearts you want to become a die-hard fan of the right club.

I am going to talk about those things that hinder you from enjoying good sex and having the kind of relationship you want with your man. Believe it or not, sex has a place and a role to play in your home. You may be there thinking your man is too spiritual to do certain things, but the truth is that his spirituality has nothing to do with his sexuality.

Okay, let me take you round those things that are there as stumbling blocks to your enjoying good sexual relationship with your spouse.

Frigidity is broadly used to refer to low libido (sex drive) in women. This is a word used to describe a situation in which a woman does not respond to her partner’s sexual advances. There are cases where women avoid sexual intimacy, and sometimes they get into it but don’t get to the level of orgasm at the end of the day.

One thing I have realised is that a greater percentage of frigidity cases are psychological. I once had a lady who told me she grew up with a lot of negative words about sex and that is still affecting her in her marriage. This very lady shivers when her husband is coming close to her and when at the end of the day the man gains access, there is no sexual pleasure just because of lack of lubrication due to fear. Sex, which is supposed to be a pleasurable experience, is now a nightmare for this very lady.

Frigidity could also come as a result of some unresolved issues in your marriage. There are women who are experts in keeping malice and are ready to go for weeks and months without talking to their man. I would advise you to drop this habit as it is only going to help destroy your relationship.

A woman who was brought by her husband to me for counselling told me she was raped by her uncle when she was 11 and she could not open her mouth to tell anyone. According to her, I was the first person to hear this and I thank God she is getting over it gradually. She saw a big dick going into her at that tender age and that left her with this very problem that almost led to the loss of her marriage.

I know there are women who are in relationships they never bargained for. Some were pushed into marriages with men who they have no feelings for. I understand how you feel; I understand the helpless situation you are in. But I don’t believe in people deceiving themselves. If you are in there, you have no reason, no matter how good it sounds, to cheat; please be faithful. Find a way to make it work and tune your heart to love him. This is a very difficult one, but if you have settled for it as your fate, you must make it work.

You could be in that relationship with a husband who is a wife barterer. You have been battered severely by him that to you, he doesn’t exist. I was in that situation, but with the help of God, I overcame it. I got to that point where I settled it in my mind that I was living just for my children. I found myself in that situation where I was battered and at the same time held on the bed for sex with blood rushing down my nose. But I keep wondering how God did it; there was no single bitterness in me and I kept forgetting as they happened. Maybe I would have been dead if I took it all to heart; I didn’t. But like I always say, I will never advise anyone to stay in a physically abusive relationship.

There are men who don’t care about the feelings of the woman. To this group of men, the woman is just there as another piece of furniture and they have every right to do with her whatever they like. Maybe you have found yourself in this kind of relationship where nothing you say is taken and your feelings are irrelevant.

I think you should stand and speak out because you can’t afford to live the rest of your life in pain. It is sad that a good number of women die in this world without experiencing true orgasm and sexual fulfilment. Sex is good and it is time you stopped reading and watching it in movies, get your husband and enjoy it with him.

If he is one of those dirty men who don’t believe in a night bath, please get him to start taking his night bath. If he is one of those who don’t brush before bed and that is your problem with him, find a way to talk him into it.

You could be having this problem because you are not too proud of your body. Let me tell you something that may shock you; a man, once aroused, does not care about your body. This is not an excuse for you not to work on your body if you should. If you are the fat type, please do something about it. If your breast is flat because of childbirth, don’t bother about it because that is nature and any man that encourages you to go for surgery for his selfish reasons is not in love with you.

I know there are women who can no longer enjoy sex with their husbands because they have been severely hurt by him. When there are issues like this, talking about them would help. If you think you cannot talk to him about it, if you think you are helpless and can’t find a way out of the problem, please see a counsellor who will lead you right.

I must say this; in your effort to get good counsel, please be careful how you run to religious leaders because I believe there are problems and issues in your marriage that only a trained counsellor can handle. That a man is called to preach the gospel doesn’t mean he is an expert in all areas. Our pastors should learn to direct people to the right sources because God has given us our heads for our own good. Don’t try to spiritualise everything.

If you are one of those women who believe that certain sex positions are unsanctified, I just pity you because that your sanctified man is catching his fun elsewhere. You better grow out from that foolish mentality and do whatever will add colour to your sex life. I can only stand against anal sex just because of the health implications and also for the fact that it is against nature. Do something now and save your man from wasting his money on those hunters out there.

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Posted by on November 1, 2011, 1:15 pm. Filed under Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

93 Comments for “Frigidity And Sex”

  1. fixnigeria

    Simply Brilliant…. Keep it up

  2. boyce

    With Amara, it can always get better. please keep keeping on don’t stop.

  3. Agborandun

    Amara, you are toomuch jare.

    • Omogbolahan

      A woman that loves her marriage must not be missing your articles but is only 80% of our women hate the word “truth” if not so with all your polished articles most marriage must have been firmed.please continue with this article in different segment of marriage may our women may learn their lesson.Thanks Amara.

  4. Nk

    Good write up,sex education means a lot in marriage,once we get it right It solidifies d r/ship.Keep it up my dear!

  5. mrTeejoy

    Great Article… you really know what you write about.
    Thank you for enlightening Nigerians & African, because this is normally a no go area for African

  6. Ola

    This is fantastic. Keep the good job up. I love it

  7. Jimo Owoseni

    This is frank and candid. Good job young woman!

  8. femi

    I’M STILL STUCK AT THE BIG DICK ! NNE U TOO MUCH.

  9. EVERY MAN IS A FAN OF PUSSY ALSO EXCEPT THE BLOODY GAYS. GOOD WRITE UP.

  10. CYRIL AKINYELE

    THE TRUTH THAT BUILD THE HOME HAS JUST BEEN DELIVERED BY YOU, i would’nt doubt you if your husband is crazy for your love because you have gotten all what it takes to handle we men. i love this , married women take to this. KEEP IT UP

  11. Es3

    Amara,

    Good one, especially being bold enough to compare notes and share personal experience on this. Bitterness is a killer of sex anyday and is behind a good proportion of frigidity in women!

    God knew this before the beginning as such HE warned us against keeping malice (bitterness) and even asked us to love our enemies and those that despitefully use us!!!

    So Amara, when it comes to this issue of marriage (and the challenges therein) we can not relegate the author of the institution to the background and hope to succeed solely with our head knowledge as it is the spiritual that controls the physical.

    Can I tell you that when we experienced ours in the past, all counsellors and head knowledge held little solutions that even as little as they were, they hadly lasted?! No, not untill we went back to the Source and HE graceiously opened our eyes to see the source of the problem and their intent – a resolve to destroy our marriage and banish our testimony!!!

  12. Evans

    Exactly what I do tell ladies. Sex is one thing you can not shy away from in your marriage, it is like the manure/fertilize in your marriage.
    It should be left out to the man alone to initiate when it should happen, once the woman wants it, she should talk it with her man, it doesnt make you look stupid or wayward.

    @Amara, I just love this frank talk of yours.

  13. Evans

    Exactly what I do tell ladies. Sex is one thing you can not shy away from in your marriage, it is like the manure/fertilize in your marriage.
    It shouldn’t be left out to the man alone to initiate when it should happen, once the woman wants it, she should talk it with her man, it doesnt make you look stupid or wayward.

    @Amara, I just love this frank talk of yours.

    • Kemi

      This na true talk ooo, very straight to the point without mincing word. This will keep homes if it can be adhered to.

  14. Snazzychick

    nice one ma’am, hope ur not stl married to dat man? any man hu raises his hands on a woman is a total weakling!!!

    • olly

      You are damn correct ma’am. Truelly every woman loves sex, but ur perfomance depends greatly on your mood at that point in time. When you are hurt by your man and he did not geniunely appologize, your emotions will not be released to enjoy sex. our men should learn to treat their woman like queen and ensure dt all pending issues are resolved before asking for sex

  15. Joshua

    Wonderful piece. Quite helpful and i believe will restore many relationships/marraiges.

  16. I think this will go a long way in educating women on the roll of sex in a relationship or marriage. the women in rural areas should not be left out cos there are thousands of them who don’t even know what you are talking about. Please they should not be left out on this issue. more grace Amara

  17. Diamond manor

    I wish there were more women like u that actually had brains.so many women are very ignorant when it comes to this subject so pls keep up the good work.u are a woman after and inside my heart.

  18. Gold

    Good write-up. Sex is a big factor in marriage

  19. BarakatUSA

    That was very good write-up Amara, but I do want to add to it that hygiene play a very good role in when you want to get close to your partner, a bad odor is very rude and frankly is no go area, if you want to get the best of everything that you will enjoy in bed, cleaningness has to be # including the jay-jay.

  20. Nat

    Gentlemen permit me. Amara, before the 30th day of November, 2011, I kept wondering what must have led to the collapse in your marriage with all these thoughts in your mind. That day on “today on STV” on the topic “Domestic violence”,after hearing how you were encouraging women to back out of marriage if a problem of sorts sets in I began to doubt if all these your articles are not a way to catch people.You deserve a big applause because of you confession and frankness.You got married as underage at 17, when your father was about 45yrs as a Pastor and did not have any courtship or relationship with your ex before marriage.I felt those were the problems in your marriage and thank God that you have put those things behind you.
    Now to this your article, you are perfectly correct. It is true that many are not happy because they are not getting the kind of sexual satisfaction they always want from their partners especially the woman woman who feels that the man may call her names if she does it wholeheartedly with her man.In fact men have spoken.I wish you the best and pray that the Almighty will continue to guide you and the wives out there so that they will listen and stop hoarding the thing from us because of one small argument that sex would have resolved with ease.

  21. Nat

    Sorry oooo, I meant 30th October, 2011 and not 30th November, 2011. Typo error admitted.

  22. Nat

    Gentlemen permit me. Amara, before the 30th day of October, 2011, I kept wondering what must have led to the collapse in your marriage with all these thoughts in your mind. That day on “today on STV” on the topic “Domestic violence”,after hearing how you were encouraging women to back out of marriage if a problem of sorts sets in I began to doubt if all these your articles are not a way to catch people.You deserve a big applause because of you confession and frankness.You got married as underage at 17, when your father was about 45yrs as a Pastor and did not have any courtship or relationship with your ex before marriage.I felt those were the problems in your marriage and thank God that you have put those things behind you.
    Now to this your article, you are perfectly correct. It is true that many are not happy because they are not getting the kind of sexual satisfaction they always want from their partners especially the woman woman who feels that the man may call her names if she does it wholeheartedly with her man.In fact men have spoken.I wish you the best and pray that the Almighty will continue to guide you and the wives out there so that they will listen and stop hoarding the thing from us because of one small argument that sex would have resolved with ease.

  23. sharyor

    good one, welldone

  24. No holds bared with Amara,no gloved punches.In Nigeria,especially of Igbo extraction,its rare to find a woman like u who is so open & bold to call things by their names & at d same time, very frank about issues without embellishing them in half truths.Amara,i want u know that your good intentions is not going unnoticed.Am convinced the lord is using u to heal many homes,keep it on dear & may the good Lord be your strength

  25. Burukutu

    Kai yarinya Amara kuo everything u i write are sex this sex that…walahi na only sex n plenty dabaru magana magana i full your heads? Burukutu man are yet to reads anythin useful for inside ur columns on this newspaper…
    Allah ya shiga mana!

  26. Vitalis Ndawii,Rome,Italy

    WOW..Amara…very interesting write up.Tell them!
    Sex in marriage is like an oil that lubricates the engine without which the same engine knocks.
    Brava,avanti!!!!
    –Vitalis N Ndawii,Rome/Italy

  27. cool johnny

    nice write up opening up on issues like this is a taboo in our society keep up ur good work

  28. Ebere

    Amara, u hit the nail by the head, most woman are4 afraid of exercising their sex power/skills,because of what their man will feel about them. The irony is that the end up pushing the man to look for sexual satisfaction outside. I think our wives should take note and be more open and free.

  29. Jude

    Hello Amara,
    What a piece of advice.well said. I think there is every need for you to keep repeating this advice once in 3 months. Most ladies see sex as something else and believe they must always resist it. Loose them from such bondage.

  30. eunyce

    amara,i luv dis article so much,bt i av a problem.i hear ppl say virgins r boring in bed.am stil one,n i aint ready to av sex,is d sayins true?n aw can i kip my relatnshp going witout it causin further problems

  31. Sheeyi

    Amara i must confess u u’ve said it all to we maried women but wat abt a man dat cant perform his own bedrum duty anytime he comes back frm ofice and has eatin his meal wen it is time for sex dat is wen u hear him say i’ve bin busy in ofice today am very tired or he wil jst do as if he was force to do it. So Amara is not only d women dat are guilty of this d men are also. There are alot of tins dat can make a woman to not want to give her huby sex e.g a man dat dnt want to no hw d wife and children eats,hw d children go to scool hw d home is bin run financially and for any mistake frm d wife he kips malice wit her for days after which d wify wuld’ve apologise so men nids to be oriented on how to trit their wives.Tank you may God help us in our mariages

  32. EMMANUEL NJE

    Very good piece.
    Please go deeper and deeper.
    Thanks

  33. EMMANUEL NJE

    Very good piece.
    Please go deeper and deeper. Dont stop please. Am begging you.
    Thanks

  34. toyin

    amara pls advise me my wife has travel to uk and she said if i need her i should come to london but i dnt have that kind of cash now pls what can i do

  35. Vincent

    Nice job Amara. Keep it going. And my ‘baby’ is not the shy type anyway. Giving it the best shot that keeps me . . . wow! She’s the best!

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