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Men’s Relationship With Women  print

Published on October 7, 2011 by   ·   41 Comments

Amara

WHAT SHE WANTS

Every woman, no matter the age, loves to be loved and pampered. Don’t blame us, God made us that way. To a good number of Nigerian men, it’s all about how much you have in your pocket. But I don’t really blame you because my fellow ladies have made you believe there is no relationship without a fat bank account. But have you wondered why we have wives of the so called rich and very busy men go around with boys they fend for?

Men now believe a girl can be treated anyhow and be pacified later by a fat cheque, exotic ride, and holiday to the Caribbean. Maybe it has been working for you simply because you have always met the greedy ones. But a time will come when you will fall head-over-heels in love with a girl only to have her walk out of your life. Then you will come to agree with me that there are dos and don’ts in every relationship.

Many relationships in Nigeria are in trouble because our dear men have refused to see women as partners. To them, she is just another piece of furniture and should be treated as one. Men still believe a woman should be seen and not heard. I still wonder when I see men beat their wives and girlfriends. This has led to the breakup of many relationships as the lady would rather live outside the relationship than die in the relationship.

I so much agree in a man being the head of every relationship. Everyone knows Amara is a strong supporter and promoter of African culture. But guys, I still see many African men who treat their wives like partners and not slaves. Treating a woman well has nothing to do with wealth. Yes, a woman deserves some level of comfort but that shouldn’t take the place of companionship.

Be it for a date or marriage, every decent girl wants a man who will always respect and treat her like a lady. To help you succeed in your relationship with the woman of your dream, try these few tips:

APPRECIATE HER:

It takes just a little effort to win a woman’s heart. A woman wants to be appreciated always. No matter how much you spend on your woman, she will never be satisfied until you give her that which her heart longs for. Look at her every morning before you step out of the house and tell her how beautiful she is. Even if you think she is not, I know there is one particular attribute she has which won your heart.

Yours may be a long distance relationship, thank God for GSM. She wants to hear your voice last thing at night, she wants you to talk her to sleep and wake her up the next morning to sweet words(I enjoy this, sleeping off while talking with him). This is the easiest way to win a woman’s heart and have her go the extra mile for you. Don’t let familiarity quench the fire and don’t be deceived into believing she doesn’t care; she does.

SPEND TIME WITH HER:

Give her time. I understand things are getting tougher. Men go through a lot of pressure to make ends meet (women do too). Traffic situation, especially in Lagos, is getting worse by the day but guys all these are not good enough reasons for your failure to spend time with the woman you love. She needs your time not just the goodies. I know a man who does not tolerate visitors in his house on Sunday; it is strictly for him to spend time with his wife and children. Another friend of mine switches off his phones on Sundays to avoid anything taking him away from the intimacy he enjoys with his family. Please deal with the habit of answering calls till you sleep off. Recently, I learnt this and leave my phone on silent once its 9p.m. We existed happily before GSM came and can live without it for just few hours.

GIVE

Be generous with the woman you claim to love. Most guys believe in just words. Guys, love gives. For you to be a good lover, you must be able to give according to your capability. Make that woman the envy of her friends. I am not saying you should go beyond your pocket just to make her happy. She is your woman and knows your worth. Love gives.

REMEMBER

Don’t forget her birthday, marriage anniversary and other important dates. Close early from work on that day and take her to a place she has never been before. Make it a memorable one; after all, she remembers yours. You can get friends for a surprise party for her.

Boy, stop coming up with the excuse of leaving town on an official assignment during St. Valentine season. Some guys make sure the official assignment starts a week before St. Valentine ‘s Day simply because they want to cheat on their wives and girlfriends. If you don’t like her look, get her to change it. This has led a lot of women into unfaithfulness.

•RESPECT HER

Make her feel on top among friends. We know you are the man but please don’t put it on her face. Don’t shout at her in public, that hurts a woman deeply. Guys, it is wrong discussing your woman with friends and relations. If you must, sing her praise. It is wrong gathering in that beer parlour to talk about her.

•CORRECT HER IN LOVE

Women are weaker vessels, so says the Holy Bible. Learn to treat her as one. She is bound to make grievous mistakes, pardon her, and put her on the right track. She may be the nagging type; love her.

•ACCEPT HER

I have seen a lot of men dating a girl without wanting to have anything to do with her job, friends and family. Guys, you must make that girl you claim to love dearly feel accepted. You must be ready to discuss her job, accept her friends and if there are ones you don’t like, gradually make her see reasons. But her family, you must accept. Why would any responsible man or woman stop the partner’s family from visiting?

Don’t try to make her change her job against her wish. I have seen men try to force a lady out of her job due to selfish reasons. Ninety-nine percent of the motive behind it is complex and insecurity. You may try to make her feel the job is too stressful for her but boy, we know why you did that. Inasmuch as you have to protect your own (girlfriend or wife), you don’t have to let your emotions rule all the time.

•TRUST HER

So many men have lost the woman they cherish so much simply because they chose to believe their friends rather than her. When you love a woman, you are bound to be jealous but please, keep it under control. Don’t allow the discussions or experiences of your friends ruin your relationship. Trust your woman, believe her. Some girls have had to walk out of relationships just because their man refused to believe them.

•AVOID BATTERING

Never raise your hands on her. Only cowards beat women. If you want to show us how strong you are, please find men like you in the stadium. Some men even go to the point of hitting their girlfriends and wives in public. That is just a proof of your level of irresponsibility. No matter how much a woman provokes you, never raise a hand on her. Yes, I agree with you, women can get you to the point where you lose control of yourself. But there are men like you handling it the right way. There are better ways to make a woman sober.

•INVOLVE HER

Involve her in your decision making. Don’t rule out her ideas as irrelevant. Women are most times more intelligent than men and if you are blessed to have an intelligent woman around you, please use her. Let the woman in your life know you and what you are worth. Refuse to believe people when they say she will kill you and take your properties.

Most Nigerian widows suffer at the death of their husbands simply because the man trusted his brothers and parents more than his wife and children. Oga, why would you leave your wife and children to make your brother the administrator of your will? No matter how much you trust him, your children and wife will suffer should anything happen.

•FLAUNT HER

Please don’t make your woman feel you are not proud of her. Introduce her to friends and relations; don’t walk far behind her in public. Volunteer to drive her to the spa or supermarket. If you are proud of your woman, let us know you are.

•GIVE HER A BREAK

Allow her to travel and sometimes have a time-out with friends far away from you. Don’t make her lose her individuality because she is with you. Don’t try to force her to become what she is not. A lot of women turn to Zombies when they have their man around but when you see them with friends, you see the lively part of them. Let that girl go, if she is yours she will remain yours. Love isn’t about bondage. Don’t let low self-esteem ruin your relationship.

If Nigerian men can decide to start treating women as individuals and adults, things will get better in the society. This issue of freedom is a very important one. I have seen that the women that find it difficult surviving as widows are those who were never allowed by their husbands to be themselves.

Your relationship with your woman shouldn’t be a cat and rat affair. Please do something to make this weekend an exciting one for her. Every woman, no matter the age, yearns for true love and affection. No woman wants to be made to feel old even when she knows she is getting old.

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Posted by on October 7, 2011, 12:11 pm. Filed under Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

41 Comments for “Men’s Relationship With Women”

  1. Don Emmy

    I concur…..

  2. Anonymous

    Give a woman one inch, and she’ll think she is a ruler !

  3. Naija

    When are you going to write about “What he wants”?

  4. James

    Amy,thank so much 4 ur wonderful motivational talk which shared wit us, if all men can put dis into practise i strongly believe dat our society will be cool. May God bless u.

  5. DANLADI RABIU

    GREAT ARTICLE BUT THIS IS AFRICA

  6. segun

    Wao this is superb. U are really talking from experience. Meanwhile, we want to know what men too wants all the time. Men too needs to be loved and appreciated.

    • ADENIYI OGUNNUBI

      MY SIS ,GOD BLESS YOU ,YOU HAVE REALLY SPOKEN THE MIND OF GOD,I AM OF THE OPINION THAT IF OUR MEN GET IT RIGHT FROM DAY ONE ,KNOW AND DO WHAT WE ARE SUPPOSE TO DO ,LETS LEAVE THE WOMEN OUT OF THIS NOW’ ,AND DO WHAT IS EXPECTED OF US,MEN GENERALLY WOULD ENJOY THEIR HOMES,BECAUSE I BELIEVE THAT AN AVERAGE WOMAN IS NOT AS BAD AS WE OFTEN PORTRAY THEM GENERALLY TO BE.THOUGH THERE SOME FEW OF THEM THAT COULD BE NAUGHTY.

  7. sunee dee

    good write up from you madam, accepted, i will be expecting another article from you soon on what a man want from woman.

  8. Eferebo Chrissquare

    A woman will always have her way no matter what. It is even better for a man to remove his thoughts on infidelity as it is common as the air we breath. Only very exceptionally lucky men that date or marry women that are faithful. No amount of protection, money or material things can keep a woman imprisoned to one. the best protection for a woman is for her to work as idleness will create room for her to misbehave.

  9. Sylas

    Enligthening…

  10. yusuf

    Pls can u write an article of how ladies should be treating men especially regarding sex? anyways, kudos to ur write-up

  11. Mr zabayo

    Amara, you are the bomb. Thanks so much for this lovely piece. I so much appreciate every bit of this write up. Keep up the good work. God bless you

  12. Dusty

    Nice article. However, I still don’t understand the rationale behind this “talk me to sleep things.” Do you realise that people talk rubbish when sleepy? Do you consider how that feels to the person talking? I still don’t understand…

  13. Akintola

    It’s a good write-up. I appreciate it, but when will women be adviced how to treat their men? One fact is this: even when a man follows all these rules, without God consciousness, women misbehave- if care is not taken, “beyond redemption”. It’s probably because they are made to feel like idols to be worshiped; thus making them to lose their right senses. So a lot of check and balance is required to keep them right. A lot of men have been frustrated by women who see themselves as QUEENS OF THE COAST, and cannot be told what to do. Thus, any attempt at keeping order means not being appreciated, hence to look for those men “who would adore them like a angels with no faults”. I think the key is for both parties to see marriage in God’s perspective. Men, as well as women should be given enlightenment in this regard. Thanks

  14. andy

    Thanks for the incisive relationship lecture. All your points are spot on. Some say this is “Africa”, it cant work.. The issue is when will “Africa” evolve out of mediocrity, nepotism, ethnicity, selfishness, supremacism, repressive culture, and chauvinism .. If African men can take to these tips from Amara, then we would have taken a giant leap in social evolution..

  15. James

    Its a pity that I had observed almost all that said yet my woman has remained a stranger. Pls help out.

    • 1pumpaction

      If she refuses to submit to your authority,divorce her and move on.Sometimes,it is best to cut loose instead of someone ending up in a hospital or a morgue.I know Nigerian woman.Sooner or later,she will start having an affair with someone she feels is better off materialy than you are and we all know where that will lead.Why take the aggro?

  16. abiodun ojo

    at shld 1 do wen u have an inlaw dat u believe can lead your wife astray? can 1 still allow his wife to get close to them?

  17. victor

    a good article. however care must be taken to recognize d fact d@ a square peg wil neva in a thousand years fit a round hole. if a lady lik any oda man wld crave a long lasting relationship dey must understand who dey are, understand dia purpose here on earth, understand why dey need a partner and submit to higher authority in unison wit dia partner…anything outside d attainment of des wld result in an utterly painful and failed intimate relationship or marriage regardless whether as a man yu kno hw to take care of a lady or whether as a lady u kno d way to a man’s heart…

  18. Akintunde Ayekooto

    Aside not beating a woman and respecting her, most of the other points raised in this article are useless. Women will always be women, we wont be in this mess today if Eve didn’t force that apple down Adam’s throat..the nagging worked on Adam eventually and he fell for the apple!
    You ask for a woman’s opinion today, you will be in trouble if you don’t ask tomorrow!

  19. Debaggio

    This article makes little sense to me.Knowing what women are is just like wasting your time.Alot of young ladies dont even value all that written above and when you really give-in your heart to do all these facts,then the woman starts thinking or rather misinterpreting all you been doing to make her happy and feel loved.From that point,she starts seeing you as a weakling and someone whom she can easily manipulate from angle.You give a woman something she values and next time you tell her that you are financially bouyant to afford that,you will see her instant reaction and she would start making arrangements of how to get it from the outside and would go further to accuse you of not taking good care of her…Though we still have to do our best to secure our relationships but not going to that extreme.

  20. Debaggio

    This article makes little sense to me.Knowing what women are is just like wasting your time.Alot of young ladies dont even value all that written above and when you really give-in your heart to do all these facts,then the woman starts thinking or rather misinterpreting all you been doing to make her happy and feel loved.From that point,she starts seeing you as a weakling and someone whom she can easily manipulate from that angle.You give a woman something she values and next time you tell her that you are not financially bouyant to afford that,you will see her instant reaction and she would start making arrangements on how to get it from the outside and would go further to accuse you of not taking good care of her…Though we still have to do our best to secure our relationships but not going to that extreme.

  21. Biodun

    Some women are just too rigid to adapt to any situation,even if u wash their undies,they will rubbish the opportunity

  22. johnpaul

    Amara i just hope u are not being sectional,cos u also need to let these women know what a man wants,though ur article is quite educative i’m sometimes made to think most women do not really merit some of these points u mentioned in ur write up especially women from this part of the world who dont know how 2 reciprocate and interprete all these gestures.

  23. Amara, insightful article. Also tell us how women should treat men. Some women use sex as weapon of blackmail. Sex has become cash and carry business to some women

    Men too love to be pampered, appreciated and respected. They love their freedom from a nagging wife or girlfriend, who thinks love is cash and carry

  24. Tony from Canada

    Amara ,
    I love your write ups but at times wish you were a man you would understand why some MEN behave the way they behave but becos you are a woman you wrote this article to Tickle the fancy of the women folk.
    There is no Right thinking man that does not want the best in a relationship/marriage haven’t you noticed that 90% of people commenting on your article are men…..it gives you a mental picture that all of us wants the best .
    At times after reading your article the guys starts fight(Verbal attack) every body wants the best as i said earlier try and Advice the women on“What he wants”?
    and lets see how many women will coment

    Thanks.

  25. Emenine

    I quite agree with you,but when give them little hand in the name of love they will now learn how to pressure to do what u never wish to do.love just have to do with the matured minds.women are blessing to men no doubt about that.they can help to build and destroy you.its all about 50/50.but above all GOD gives man the best woman.

  26. 1pumpaction

    Yeah yeah…you can write whatever you want about our women but the fact remains that they are among the cheapest human beings on this planet.Many Nigerian woman will sleep with a hunchback armed robber so long as he has money.Every woman in Nigeria wants to wear expensive designer clothes that even his entire family cannot collectively afford.Instead of a simple haircut,they want to wear the same hairstyle with Dame Goodluck Johnathan when they can hardly afford a square meal in a day.Our girls are greedy,cheap and lazy and you cannot find a more lethal combination.I have seen very young,beautiful ladies having affiairs with known criminals,hunchbacks,amputees etc just because these guys have some naira to throw around.I have lived abroad most of my life and those who know can testify that if you offer a white girl some cash,she will most likely refuse to accept it.You will have to explain why you are offering her that cash.It is the opposite here in this country.Sometimes a man can even sleep with the daughter,mother,cousins of his girlfriend just because he can afford to take them to tantalizers for a meal.
    Our women should have respect for themselves otherwise,the respect they seek from us guys will never ever materialise.

  27. prince chuks

    my dear u are right but for the lady the have to retrain themselves cos we all are born to this world for a reason and the way are brought up maters alot. so my dear ladies needs to traiin themselves all over again for then to be very good in life.

  28. Innoma

    If you are so unfortunate to marry a bad and nagging wife, you will do all or even more of what Amara wrote, yet she will never be satisfied. What works for someone may not work for another. Be your natural self without putting up pretences just to please a woman, because if a woman loves you, she will accept you the way you are. If she doesnt, forget it. By the way, it might interest you to know that the westerners that we are always trying to copy from have higher number of divorce cases. Nigeria and Africa as a whole is heading towards that direction too. All because we want to be civilised and celebrates st. Valentine and all those stuffs like them. In those days, African men could marry as many wives as they wish, and the women were all submisive to them. But today, just one is more than enough to put up with. Modernisation has it’s merits and demerits. Choose the one that works best for you and discard the others. Dont let anyone talks you into taking steps that are allien or unsuitable for you.

    • John

      Innoma,
      Bad or nagging if you can play the game wright and well,the bad, nagging woman will be the best in your family.All you need is to show her love.

    • OPE ALEGE

      We all need to learn what works best for us but the above is still very good and would work for most women maybe even all.

  29. Juve

    As a bachelor,my mum wants me 2 marry a girl 4rm her tribe,dad tels me 2 mari 4rm his tribe.i kip wonderin,if my parents want me 2 die young with hypertension.nigerian girls are capable of takin 15yrs 4rm your lifespan.i bet i wil av 2 disappoint my parents and mari a foreign girl.dnt blame me.

  30. John

    Supported!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  31. ibukun

    thank u so much amara,God bless u.tell them hear treat us well men.

  32. OPE ALEGE

    Love it, and very essential for all men, but only if both parties are truly committed to the relationship

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