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Infidelity On The Rise  print

Published on September 30, 2011 by   ·   40 Comments

Amara

It is gradually becoming acceptable in our society. Infidelity has suddenly become something to be proud of. Men used to hide their extra marital affairs from their wives and friends, but it has suddenly become a thing to be proud of as they now flaunt their wives more than their girlfriends. It is no longer something to be hidden from friends and relations.

A good number of men claim to be married to just one woman, but the truth is that I am beginning to respect those with two or three legally married wives because of what I see in the Nigeria of today. Men now claim to be living better than our forefathers who had more than one wife and took care of all. But the truth is that they are in no way better than our fathers, they are only smarter than they were.

We now live in a civilised world where men carry the Bible and Koran on one hand, while they use the other to commit all sorts of crime. People keep using religious words and titles just to cover up for different atrocities they perpetrate. In fact, the pew is now more sanctified than the pulpit. Why go on preaching against people with two wives when you have five girls in your church and two from each church you visit? Why do you claim to be very polished and educated that you can’t imagine yourself with two wives when God knows you have ten already?

Immorality has become the order of the day and men are playing the game very well. A man can confidently keep two women in the same hotel room with no feeling of guilt. Men now throw parties just to gain access to the women folk. Parties in Nigeria have suddenly become means to an end.

When you talk about a man loving his wife, the first thing that comes to the mind of several Nigerian men is money and how well he takes care of her. Love is not about the material things you are able to give the woman. Yes, love gives, but in several ways. You can give the whole world to a woman and still have no place in her heart.

It is unfortunate that women of today attach so much importance to wealth and material acquisition. There is this craze for money among the women folk and this is what is making men believe that all a woman needs is money and fame.

Your problem is that you have not met the real woman because when you do, you will realise there is more to do to win a woman’s heart than just throwing money around.

Men always complain of losing the respect and love they were getting from their wives just because they became broke. I know there are women who will turn their back on you the moment you become broke and that is why you must have to be extremely careful and wise when it comes to marriage. But I also know there are very nice and godly women who are forced to behave that way because of the way the man treated them when the money was there.

I am not saying you did not give her money; you gave her money and material things to the point that everybody saw it on her. But the problem is that she was aware of the other girl outside, who you bought the same things for. This is what led a woman here in VGC to mastermind the kidnap of her husband.

According to her, she laboured for years and lived with this man in a one-room apartment only for him to start taking care of different women and giving them much more than he gives her. From the kidnap, she got N70 million and they are still living together as husband and wife.

That woman was by you through your years of pain, she cried when you cried and went through the wilderness with you. Now you are the managing director of Bank… and she has suddenly become too old and fat in your eyes and she is no longer up to your class and so you need another one by the side to show off.

I once raised this issue on Facebook; how many men are proud to have the picture of their wives on the wall? All sorts of atrocities go on in the offices and social networking sites. Men always come up with this defence of not wanting to mix their public life with their personal life. In other things, I agree, but definitely not on the issue of flaunting your wife!

If you are not ashamed of her, you will have her picture on your table in the office. If you are proud to be a married man, you will have your wife’s picture on your Facebook wall because this is a very good way to keep some of those devourers away. I am not saying this is an assurance that you are not cheating, it only shows that even when you are cheating, you are still very proud of your wife.

I am not in support of cheating, but I made that comment because I know many on Facebook that even have pictures of them kissing their wives as their profile pictures and yet their girlfriends are there. I once asked to know why a good number of married men don’t wear their wedding ring. You see them wear all kinds of dressy rings, but wearing of their wedding ring is a no-go area. My male friends came up with this excuse that some of them have grown fatter with the food the woman cooks and so they can no longer fit into their wedding rings.

They have the money to constantly change their fashion rings, but they have grown too fat for their wedding rings. Sir, there is no excuse for injustice; that woman, with all her weight gain, still has her wedding ring on and here you are telling me yours is too small for you. I agree, but I also know that just as you change your other rings, you can place an order for a new set of wedding rings.

How would you feel when your very beautiful wife starts leaving the house without her wedding ring? That is exactly the way she feels when you start putting up attitudes showing for your marriage. If from the onset you objected to a white wedding or you married without a ring, like some churches do, it becomes a different case altogether, but when you wholeheartedly had a white wedding and had the priest bless the ring, sir, there is no acceptable reason not to wear it.

A woman sent me a mail lamenting how Facebook and Twitter have taken over her husband. If not for the women you are after on Facebook, what will make you use your whole day on it at the expense of your relationship? I use Facebook and Twitter, but I can never ignore that man I claim to love or my children just because I have to be with friends; what friends?

A lot is going on now on Facebook and I learnt there are some pages where girls now go nude for men. Ladies, you have to watch out and be on the alert to know what your man is up to. I am not saying you should start a fight, be wise about it.

Men, this is the 21st century when women are the ones going after men and being proud about it. They are out looking for precious souls to destroy. A good number of women, both single and married, are into all sorts of things on Facebook and it can take only a disciplined man to stay off their hook.

I have grown to accept one thing; being disciplined is not about spirituality. I know God can give you the grace for the change you need, but it takes more than too much prayer. Discipline is about you making a decision to stand against all odds. If it is about spirituality and too much prayer, a lot of our pastors won’t be committing the atrocities they are into. In fact, I have friends who are free thinkers and I can tell you that a good number of them are disciplined to the extreme.

I know it is tough to live a life of decency and fidelity. Women now dress to kill, but you can refuse to be killed because God has given you the power. Take your eyes off that female staff that is all over you. Forget about those fine faces you see on Facebook; a good number of them are fatter than your wife at home, while some use pictures of relations and friends. By the time you see them physically, nobody will tell you to run home.

Be a one-woman kind of a man.

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Posted by on September 30, 2011, 12:56 pm. Filed under Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

40 Comments for “Infidelity On The Rise”

  1. Don Emmy

    Right on point. However,you didn’t address the issues of married ladies who keep extra-marital relationships,or married ladies who are lesbians and keep relationships with ladies as well.Generally,your writing is right on point….

    • Segun O

      Don Emmy, Amara’s article on Fridays are about men stuffs. She dedicates her articles on Tuesdays for women issues. Therefore she did a good job on this. You can suggest to her to treat cheating by women in her Tuesdays articles. Thanks.

    • ogbemi fearless

      I think she’s done that before.Check her previous articles

  2. ak

    Amara keep telling them.God bless you

  3. boyce

    Amara you are so right. in this 21st century almost everybody is fake, drunken with lust and highly satanic. the outcome of what i have just said, is what is on the ground now, and it takes only God to cleanse Nigeria of this demonic plague because religion has fail woefully.

  4. Juve

    Now the men takes all the blame.we accept our irresponsibities as men Amara.bt let our women stop being fatter than wen we got them married.let them pray harder 4 us men.let them teach thier daughters to leave men alone because i hav noticed that mothers now teacher their gals how to get men,so who is gonna take the blame for that.Amara?

  5. OMERIHE

    A man can love a women and still betray her fom the poetry of his soul(not physically)

  6. Ayour Pee

    Nice piece, Amara. If God is to judge the world by the sin of infidelity alone, 98% of men are gone! There seems to be no hope in sight either because what happens even in places of worship nowadays is better imagined.It is not however only men that are culpable. As long as we continue to receive the green light from the women folks, infidelity will continue to strife … unfortunately

  7. Dr Paul

    True talk my sister. I chose to take heed to words like this. Thanks a lot.

  8. chuba

    Rev. Chris Okotie said many years ago that the last tool the devil is going to use to populate his kingdom is the sexuality of women. He was and still is so right. What I see everyday reminds me of his words. Keep tellin us, maybe oone day we will hear and change.

    • Dr.Joeking

      Chris Okotie himself is immoral having married twice.His fist wife is still alive and he went ahead to marry the second wife and as a result that marriage is adulterous.Divorce is not allowed by God no matter the nature of problem the first marriage encontered.If he is truly man of God,he can separate from the first wife and remain umarried.This is bible standard.

  9. It is a two way thing, women cheat as much as men cheat too. It is a general thing.
    Most married women cheat on their husbands. The society is getting messier by each passing day. Married women now compete with girls for boyfriend and menfriends.
    Men and women are in this together, let’s just pray that god will take control.
    For some of the so called pastors, i better reserve my comment, it is a can of worms.

  10. YOMMY

    FINE TALK, BUT WOMEN ARE EQUALLY QUILTY OF INFIDELITY, HOW MANY WOMEN CAN SAY THAT CHILD OF HERS BELONGS TO HER HUSBAND?

  11. Chu-London

    Amara pls balance your write-up. Married women cheat more than men, I am also in facebook I knw what we discuss there. Marriage is a game of who is fooling who. I am in UK, I know the number of married women that begged to visit me. Many women are out to destroy men, many are cheating with their fellow women. A lady told me that it is only a woman that knows where to touch her follow woman…..that if it will take a man 10mins to make a woman cum (orgasm), that it will take her fellow woman 2mins to do same. Please men will be happy if you can focus your energy to write about women. Do you know how many women that deny their husbands sex bcos they have had enough from their lesbian lover.

  12. Welma

    This is one that calls for sober reflection about the moral decay in our society. Thank you for your thoughtful write-up.

    • dan omoh

      well said welma, i beg where my guy jay canada abi nah jail canada… tell am say i dey hail am ohhhh. the guy ah MUMU 1 million…LKMAO

      • jay

        @Dan omoh,it is obviouse that you were reared in the farm.

      • Jay canada

        @ dan omoh, na wa 4 some nigerians ohh,i dont know if pm news can selete pple’s comment b4 allowing them here.I also thank God say my fellow jay noticed that this dan omoh is an animal..If welma or anybody here know’s this dan omoh abeg advise am in private.

  13. jay

    Amara, the moral decadent we face today is a reconpence of frame of michieves into laws.we claims we are free and civilised but remain slaves to blattant immorality.Our great fathers observed the rules and norms of nature hence they were not adultrouse nor morally insane like this peversed generation.those who could afford two wive married and did not go about sleeping with people’s wives..like the so.called men of God of our time. The Bilble clearely warned that pastors must not marry more than one wife but like you rightly said,pastors are bussy hammering ladies from one church to another.If we must survive this this prevailing moral insanity, we must go back to pick our traditional values that was dumped on the road side or face the glooming realities the west are facing today.The women outnumberd the men in the world today,if everyman must marry one woman, the remnants will always find their ways to hang on as sweet mumies or girlfriends.

  14. Jummy59

    Amara, you are right, what we female need to remember all the time before you cheat with a married man is that what if you are the wife at home or vice versa, a grown woman that believe in God will never cheat with a taken Men, I believe we need to do to others as we want others to do unto you, and always think about what goes around comes around.

  15. Welma

    For Dr.Joeking: while I respect your view about divorce, I believe there is more about what the bible says on divorce. If you read Mathew 7:19:3-9 and 1Corinthians 7:10-16 you can deduce from them that divorce can take place under certain conditions. Well, just thought to share that with you.

    • Zikora Nnabuife

      Welma,I am happy for your comments.Rev Okotie is better than most pastors ;he is remarried and is biblical right to remarry.People read Bible without understanding.God hate divorce just like every other sin you commit because it is a covenant that you break but He stil loves you and gives you a second chance.Instead of remaining unmarried and sleeping around,pls remarry and have just your wife.The Bible says marriage can be dissolved on grounds of adultery or if any wants to walk away.Let us understand Bible well before condemning people unnecessary.I read one comment of people saying Amara is divorced and has no right talking to us.I am a woman and I know where she is coming from.She dont know me but I know her and I am ever challenged by her lifestyle.If there is a woman I respect it is Amara because I have watch her and till now,she is a focus girl.I wish God will give her the kind of man she deserves and very soon they will say she has remarry.Amara can remarry because the man that she has four children four that send her away is married to his warri woman.I want Amara number,I want to encourage her to remarry and stop doing too much Christian.Rev Chris okotie is right to remarry.Nigeria men dont value what they have until they lose her.Amara is jewel to her children and friends and I pray one nonsense man dont marry her.

  16. Clem Olusore

    The painful thing is that this Amara does not want to give us a chance to have her as a wife.I have tried severally on Facebook and Twitter to chat the girl up,no way.I have sent emails to her,no response.I think she is still afraid of us men and I dont know if she reads the comments in here but I want to tell her openly that I am dying for her love.I am real and genuine and want her as my wife.I will love her kids and make her happy again.Guys,help talk to Amara.I am Clem,a medical practitioner based in North Carolina.I love Amara,I really do.

    • Perry Romos

      Amara is happily married with children.

    • Segun Odebunmi

      Clem, what gave you the impression that Amara is available? Being single doesn’t translate to being available. How many men do you want her to respond to out of several who want her attention? She might have found a man of her dream. The fact that she has not solemnised it doesn’t make her available for any man who fancy her. Please look to other directions for your own woman!

  17. Xandra

    @Zikora, I don’t think people have a problem with Amara’s marital status. What they have a problem with is her style of writting can be very judgmental, one sided and at times is filled with hatred,anger bitterness, arrogance and not to mention her “hollier than thou attitude”. If she wrote in a less opinionated, fair and insighful way and she carries out her research properly before writting, I am sure (hopefully right) that no one will make reference to her marital status.

  18. helyna Iteh

    Amara, well done. Men love varieties. They can not be satisfied with one woman. Women should know this simple facts. Even my husband is a lover of facebook and visit it all the time. Admiring women with different shapes and colour are now the stock in trade of majority of our husbands. Even though their wives are reduced in weight it still doesn’t and won’t change anything. Our men at least 99% of them are like dogs. Look round, you won’t find them wearing their wedding rings. They want to sleep with all the women they can lay their hands on. Women at least 85% of them are also like the mad men. They want more and more easy money and this is why many of them are used by ritualist. Going to churches, mosques etc is just a leap service. There is no more spirituality again. Fake pastors, herbalists and imams everywhere. My advice is for the rest descent women to guide their heart and be very careful. Just overlook the immorality that your husbands are doing and concentrate on yourself and your children, get busy, get a job, do something that can fetch you honest money. You don’t need so much money cos everything is vanity upon vanity. Be happy and make yourself happy but not by drinking but concentrate on the things of God for the last day is very near now. God will help us.

  19. azodo h

    amara,my prayer for you is to marry a man that knows your worth

  20. Clem Olusore

    Amara is divorced with four kids and that doesnt make her bad.Her articles are wonderful and I love her style.She is very down to earth and says her mind with no hypocrisy.Ladies hate her because she does not support evil and I know her for that.I met her church pastor when I came to Nigeria and the man said,Amara is simply a blessing,I envy her would be husband.I want to be that would be husband.Girl,stop hating her,just change.

  21. Umah G

    People interprete the bible in ways that contradict the very biblical intention. The bible gives adultery as the ONLy reason for divorce. This is different from separation. In separation, not out of adultery, the couples are advised to reconcile and as such no remarry is acceptable. In divorce as a result of adultery, the innocent partner should remarry. You can not become a eunuch overnight, that is why a christian is advised to have his/her wife/husband. What the lady wrote about here is no more a secret, but the fact is that women even push for the man without minding his marital status.

  22. The bible says let him who have not sinned cast the first stone. We live in a world of deep rooted immorality. And if we have the grace to be faithful, the force behind our faithfulness is God Almighty. No matter how much we tried to move away from immorality, God’s divine presence is required, else we fall yakata at the first test.
    May God help us to grow ingrace.

  23. ZAINAB AZEEZ

    Is Amara planning marriage?I am so happy for her.She really deserves a man that knows her worth like Azodo H said. The man she was married to is half mad and sniffs cocaine anyhow. I want to be present at the wedding of they allow meooo.Please Amara,we your Pmnews friends need your invitation.Does Amara even read all these things?I love you Amara and I always pray for you each time I read your article. I am a single girl,but I cant really explain how much you have impacted my life through your articles. The last one on Reasons you are not married had young folks complaining and cursing you,but I was guilty of all what you said and after reading that article, I am a changed person. I have moved closer to God and I am in my final year in school.My friends noticed the changed and are now your great fans. I wish I can see you someday Amara to tell you more.

  24. helyna Ambrose-Udoh

    Amara. There is a trend going on now. Men who are married to women, get themselves into trouble at the end of the day they are sacked from their places of work, they just decide not to get another job, nags the wife and forces them to give out cash etc. The woman does cos of the slogan “for better ” the women are responsible for payment of house rent, children school fees etc. But on the part of the man, he is just lazying about, drinking and so on. That is the man depends solely on the woman to fend for him. Please what do you advice such women to do.

  25. helyna Ambrose-Udoh

    Amara. There is a trend going on now. Men who are married to women, get themselves into trouble at the end of the day they are sacked from their places of work, they just decide not to get another job, nags the wife and forces them to give out cash etc. The woman does cos of the slogan “for better ” the women are responsible for payment of house rent, children school fees etc. But on the part of the man, he is just lazying about, drinking and so on. That is, the man depends solely on the woman to fend for him. Please what do you advice such women to do.

  26. Tony from Canada

    it is well

  27. John

    Amara,thank God for your life. But there are still men outside there with no girl friend. I am proud to say that no woman execpt my wife in this world could say i see her nackness or she see’s mine, and NO woman will. If my biological father could stay with my mum before thier death, why cant I ?. They (MEN) have no good reasons for adultry act. God help all our young men. Sure, there are temptation, this can be face out in your mind. The good Bra your girl friend use that her breast to stand, buy it for your wife(lace bra is good). The Ghana bread/weave-on/anita beaker that carried u away, buy it and ask your wife wear it. The good sex she(girl friend) has,teach your wife.Get her night wear if the one she is putting is not sexy. If your wife body package is not that good, teach her. I have beged two diffrent ladies at diffrent places when they almost gone naked, i pleaded to one that i have convenant with my God that I will not sleep with another woman,i ran away, i lied to the second i will need to use condom,so she should let me get one outside that was in office on one faithfull public holiday.It sounds funny but it is real.Any man that want to go out of this should please do now and restitue your ways. She is your wife go all style. Stop pretending , doing missionary style at home and facing doggy out their. Ladies if it will take you to go BJ on him do.Keep home your safely.

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