Reasons You Are Not Married

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Amara

You are not married not because there is no man ready for marriage as a good number of men are looking for life partners. The major reason Nigerian men are now scared of marriage is waywardness. Men are now afraid because they don’t know who to trust and also not sure if that beautiful girl they are interested in still has her womb intact.

They are also afraid because of the high mountain ladies have suddenly placed themselves on as no woman wants to date a poor man any longer but are all interested in those with good cars and houses.

A man recently told me why he does not allow his girlfriends to come to his house. According to him, he doesn’t want a case where a girl enters his house only for her to refuse leaving because of the beauty of the house and cars she will see.

Isn’t it surprising how single ladies now out-dress married women with good jobs whose husbands are very rich? You are not married because the single men around you are wondering if they will be able to meet up with your ever-demanding lifestyle. Even when they know they can afford it, what makes them believe you won’t take a walk tomorrow if anything goes wrong?

Another reason is that with your good job and salary, they are even afraid to come near you as they wouldn’t want to be turned down.

I have a female colleague, a very pretty girl who lives in her own house and drives a posh car. She also has different businesses to show for it. Recently, I advised her to calm down a bit as friends I introduce her to who ordinarily would have gone for her, all run away after meeting her and come back to me with the same word, “Amara, this one go send me go village.”

Another reason you are going to grow old in your father’s house is this: You want a ready-made man instead of a growing man with vision. Are you aware that if you have not obtained favour from God, the man will decrease instead of increasing when you enter his house? Work on your character, the words that come from your mouth, your lifestyle, the way you carry yourself, the way you dress, the places you visit and then spend time trying to find favour before God because it’s only favour that can make your husband increase the moment you step into his life.

In fact, the moment a man proposes to you, there must be some positive movements in his finance if at all you have obtained favour.

It is never your duty to find a man. While he is working trying to raise money to sustain whoever he takes home to his mother, you should get yourself busy obtaining favour from God for you to be his source of blessing. A man knows when the wife is a source of blessing and that is the only time he cherishes you.

In the previous paragraph, I said the man should take you home to his mother. I don’t understand why you get married to a man who believes it’s just between the two of you. Read the Bible; they all took their wives home to their mothers. If a man cannot take you home to his people, something is wrong. Isn’t it surprising how many of us are married without knowing our husband’s village and his mother’s bedroom? Marriage, in the African culture, is not between the man and woman alone, the two families must be involved.

Hey, you have to stop moving from one prayer house to the other in search of miracles that are not coming even after you might have emptied your pocket. Go back to your room; deal with your character and bad nature that is filled with pride and disrespect for the elderly. Cut down on frivolities and that is not all, deal with your party and aso ebi spirit. You must also deal with that thing that gets you to aimlessly move from one end of the street to the other all in search of precious souls to destroy. Change that mentality that says you use what you have to get what you want; any man you get with your ass is as filthy, unreliable and irresponsible as you are.

Common girl, go deal with yourself first before you start blaming your step mother of being the one keeping you down. Stop blaming your neighbours and friends of standing on your way to progress. I just told you the bitter truth which your Alfa, Babalawo, pastor and Imam may never tell you. Stop wasting your time chasing shadows, go and deal with yourself first before complaining.

I know of a wonderful lady who sings so well that when she comes to lead in worship, miracles take place. People love her, but this lady is unmarried till date. It is not because men don’t go to her for marriage or because she is ugly; her number one obstacle is her character. They say there are many old single ladies in our churches; I think I know the problem and not that most of them wasted their lives in frivolities only to realise the last minute that they have to run into the church where they can get a brother to marry.

I am not trying to judge anyone’s past, but the issue is that even when they join those churches, their characters don’t change. It’s really appalling how some ladies talk to men simply because they are in the same church. Some of them fight everyone in their department in church while some live their lives begging from one member to the other.

What do have to say about ladies who fight for food during church meetings? Those guys would be foolish to see the stuff you are made of and still go ahead to take you home to mama.

I always tell ladies that if by the age of 30 no man had asked to know if you are for sale, there is something wrong somewhere; its either spiritual or attitudinal, but the truth is that it is always more attitudinal than spiritual.

You have been fasting and praying and going for all levels of deliverance but it seems nothing is working. What is your character like after all the prayers and religious devotions? It is sad when I see a single girl walk up to a married woman sitting with her husband and telling the woman to get up because she was there before her. You attend functions with extra bags to pack food and drinks and when it’s time to hit the dancing floor, you do that as if there is no tomorrow. What do you expect from life when you are the source of all quarrels in your neighbourhood, church and office?

This is the moment of truth and if at all you want to be delivered, your decision to deliver yourself is the first step to your breakthrough.



163 comments

  1. Evangelist Michael

    As man my advise to our young ladies about sex is that when you allow a man to take advantage of you the love you think he has for you will be droping day by day because he has see all in you.that is why i said sex is not love but lust and as a lady you must not allow a man to take advantage of you until he takes you to the alter that will save your pride as a woman.may God bless every one of one us as will shall be doing and believe inthe word of GOd which say that all things work good for them that love God.

  2. Evangelist Michael

    From QATAR
    Amara i pray that God will bless you for this wounderful advise given to our young on married lady and i pray that God in his infinite mercy we help our ladies to change in their atitude and the way some of them parade about with pride.may God bless every one as will shall be responde to the word of repentance for heaven is near and i believe that only those who are truely bornagain will enter the narrow gate.let us search our heart n repent from furnication,adultory,lying,way worthyness,so that will can inherit the kingdom of God.

  3. ifeanyi

    Amara, there is a saying by the igbo’s- ‘truth stand’s up-right’. U’ve spoken well. I believe that a well behaved person (Man/Woman) will certainly attract attention. A word is enough 4 the wise.

  4. isijola olutosin

    Can’t hear any response from ladies waoo now I know the reason why an adage says;Truth is always bitter.
    Amara thumb up,all what u said was Notting but the truth keep up the good work.

  5. Solape

    Wow! I ve learned from this.

  6. musty

    Amara, u have hit d nail on d head,pls, advise dem!

  7. lola

    I just read this and sincerely im kind of disappointed, i thought maybe i would here a balance of truth, there are women and men that lie and if you are complaining that women over 30 and single are all bad/liars (attitudinal) or have a curse(spiritudinal i believe u called it), i think u may be forgeting some other key issues. im guessing you are married and you must have done something to earn that right, abi? all of your friends who are married are perfectly behaved, not to talk of their husbands. alot of what you said is true but to think that these are the only reasons is really surprising to me. whats even more disturbing is my friend on fb that liked what you wrote. hmmm, no beef but come on! how many good non single men do you know that you would introduce to a good friend? and since you mentioned church girls then lets ask the same for the men? any good born again dudes out there? i know 2, 1 got married last year and the others are underaged lol. it is well. i have some amazing ladies, with great attitudes, and beautiful too, and their “favour”, is stacked. even if it was just for them i know of no one i could currently recommend(but im hopeful for the future :).). anyway, i suspect im casting my pearls before…. every good thing is from God, singleness and marriage both have there value and outside of both God has other good things as well. hmm be happy and hopeful for your lot and be careful about your assumptions of others. fyi there is always someone who will ask you to marry them, but that is nothing to rejoice in, after all satan found Jesus and offered him the world lol, meeting a man of good character is a big deal, and if u happen to be married to one i congratulate you. nothing to boast in, but something to be grateful for.

  8. ADEYEMI TOBIAS NDUDI

    IT IS NOT THAT MEN DON’T WANT TO MARRY BUT FROM MY FINDINGS IT IS A PROBLEM OF COMPATIBILITY

    1. FOR A MAN THAT DOES BELIEVE IN ALL MORALS, THE PROBLEM IS I HOPE THIS GIRL IS TRULY WHO SHE SAYS SHE IS?
    2. THE OTHER SIDE OF IT, SOME MEN BELIEVE THAT SEX MATTERS A LOT AND WOULD WANT TO KNOW BEFORE THE KNOT IS TIED………….THIS IS A STRONG ISSUE WHERE THE GIRL BELIEVES IN ABSTINENCE. SOME SINGLE MEN BELIEVE THAT SEX IS LOVE.

  9. Rehoboth

    Amara God Bless you for being a blessing in opening people’s eyes.
    Pls can I get your contact through andyrehoboth@yahoo.com.? .

  10. Lola

    This indeed is food for thought. Our attitude, towards our friends, families and even strangers speaks more for our level of spiritualty. We need d fruits of the Holy Spirit more than ever to get over bad attitudes, a word they say is enough 4 the wise.

  11. Typewiter

    Your words are 100% correct nothing more to add, girls change yourselves all your problems are attitudinal, not beauty, not poverty, not height and not skin colour and certainly not facial make-up. Just two words; (Good Attitude)

    so girl cure yourself

  12. IK

    True talk amara.God richly bless Ʊ

  13. tk_marc69

    From a lady, this is another beautiful and truthful gospel ladies should ponder on.

  14. Rev Fr Benjamin Achi

    Amara nwannem, I’m so pleased to read those lines you wrote. This is the best piece I’v read this week. I’m one person who is so passionate about the high rate of crumbling marriages and the human errors that have consistently given birth to them. It gives me a deep cut in the heart seeing such things. I’ve preached on countless occasions and given several seminars on this at various times and places. If only a good number of our young girls knew the mess they are making of themselves. But I tell u something my dear Amara: the most appreciable thing about your article is that it’s coming from a woman. Most women would hardly comfront this truth and voice them as you have done even when it stares them constantly in the face. I’m gratified by your courage. God bless you good daughter of God. All my luv.

  15. dan omoh

    Amara, if only u are available for marriage, i would go on my knees each day proposing to u….. ur publication is printed already and will be used to develop girls in my church….. haaaaaa babe, u are indeed a virteous woman and a blessing to our generation..

  16. what?

    Am sorry but this article is retarded. This is a clear sign of our illiteracy in Nigeria. When I met my husband I had a good job and it didn’t stop him from approaching me. Nothing is black and white dear, most especially when it comes to men and women. For every woman with a short coming there is a man with a short coming.

    Next time it may be best to give a less biased article.

  17. 1976AD.com

    Interesting article, but there are exceptions to every rule. Not sure if a woman should take it down a notch to attract a husband, water always finds its level…

  18. 1976AD.com

    Interesting article, but there are exceptions to every rule. Not sure if a woman should take it down a notch to attract a husband, water always finds its level…

  19. dave

    Amara i love you passionately with the love of christ. You spoke exactly what is happening to me. I earnestly desire to get married and get settled. All i need is a humble girl willing to take me for who i am not for what i have. So, i normally disguise my wealth and potentials so that they will not be carried away by worldly things. Nigerian girls have been fucking me up, when the discover my potentials, they began to beg. I have been to nigeria thrice for this purpose and all has failed. I have decided to marry a foreigner or pay a woman for her to have a kid for me

  20. sirkorie

    Amara nice lecture for all the greedy girls thank u and good bless u.—- i want to ask you a question about what you wrote about sex is good in you blog is sex good for unmarried people pls send your answer to sirkorie@yahoo.com thank u

  21. mmeke vincent

    Hmmmmm….On daily basis they kept advertising on facebook same pictures uploaded months back….It hurts me seeing such!Facial beauty difers from character.I am not a saint,but truely speaking,ladies lie a lot! Even my own very sister is not far from it.I can’t really understand WHY.Even the one you are ready to take to the altar is guity of this.SHOULD ONE THEN MARRY OUT OF PITYYYY?……..DEFINITELY NO!!!!!

  22. SayoOlu

    God bless u Amara,friends av said it all i just want to add dis dat men shld also av d fear of God in them,sleeping with there daughters friend,is’nt dat orible?married men should be able to shun or ignore single ladies dat comes dere way,if they do not av any advise to give to them,i think by doing that girls will seat up.most of dis single ladies are not contempted.

  23. I like

    Amara you didnt address the poverty which is the driving factor that began this whole thing, and the greed that is sustaining it.

    Unfortunately a new culture has been born in Nigeria and it is not going anywhere

    young men my advise: close one eye when you want to marry and open them both after you marry( divorce is an option)

    young women my advise: dont get caught on the down low ( getting divorced with kids is not an option)

  24. Steve Ubi

    Amara, no issues with your resounding objectivity. Indeed many of our unmarried ladies, like the aged one i know in my office, have chracters that reek, repel, if not scandalise. But more than any thing, in terms of manners many of them are so competitive like men. Character-wise they are like men. Most men want women that are shame-faced like the Bible recommends, humble, not timid; diplomatic not confrontational. Men want women that are women both in terms of physical looks and mannerisms. You’ve said well…

  25. Charity

    Nne God bless u, u re very corect.word of wisdom.

  26. boyce

    Amara you got it,now it”s left for these silly asses to heed.

  27. Chinedu

    Amara, God bless you. You are God sent to this generation. I hope those concerned will listen and change.

  28. Es3

    Amara, I desisted from commenting on your write-ups due to my principled stand on and as a show of my displeasure on your stereotyping a house-help as “Ekaette” in one of your earlier articles, but I must simply commend you for this one.

    Our un-married ladies need such good doses of the ‘naked’ truth to re-orientate their mindset and approach to live. I love it more where you drummed on the need for God’s favour if they are to succeed because that’s the one and main full secret!

    Many of them think they can make it by having it their way and I wish to ask them this. How do you hope to fly a plane (and won’t crash-land) if you ignore the “builder’s” and “owner’s” instructions (manuals)?

  29. TJAZZY

    You got married successfully. Good for you. How come you are no longer married if you are as angelic as the “ideal woman” you have described above? Frankly speaking Amara, you did not do any research before writing this. If a woman is not married it is because she doesn’t want to marry yet – many guys out there also have personality problems. No man or woman is the perfect being you have described. Married people have decided to tolerate each others faults. That is why they marry. So get down from your high horse and get real.

  30. Didi

    Its true wat amara said, buh y shld we focus on d ladies alone,havent we heard of guys maltreatin d so calld gd girls, hw abt d so calld singles guys who leav their decent girls 4married older women bcos of money,power n connections. It doesnt mean i disagree wiv amara,buh som1 shld also talk 2d guys

  31. Money palava

    Yes, Amara i love ur observations and i pray dat ladies leave dat spirit of lust and money datz is ruling them and face thy true

  32. notono

    speechless,Amara thumbs up!those who ave ears let him hear.

  33. LO-Canada

    Amara, i find ur write-up highly educative and corrective. Moreso they address current topical issues. Concerning the ladies of nowadays, the job lies more with the parent. Once as youth, we get it wrong before age 18, only God can save such. Parent should ensure that, before 15-18yrs, the ladies have good morals and high esteem. For other who have missed this, I implore them to take to your advise.

    Keep the good work

  34. HappilyMarried WorkingMom

    This article is way too one sided for me to take serious.

    From what I see there is nothing wrong for a Nigerian woman to be single and successful. Part of the problem is that Nigerian men are not held to same level of responsibility that Nigerian men are. There is a serious gap in the level of maturity and responsibility. Young men can drop out of the university to pursue useless business ventures while their female counterparts complete professional degrees and obtain steady jobs. How dare any man complain about a woman who is enjoying her hard earned money by buying nice clothes but it is acceptable for the same man to buy designer pointed toe shoes and go to parties, flash money and toast the most beautiful women in sight?? Men can openly kiss & tell or sleep with multiple partners with no judgment by society while their female counterparts are criticized for committing to what they believed was a meaningful relationship.

    Nigerian women have a hard time finding a good mate because Nigerian men are no longer willing to defer their current gratification to instead show some restraint and focus their energy and finances to build a meaningful future. Nigerian men enjoy living the fast and meaningless life they see portrayed on music videos. It is only when they start getting fat bellies and their hairline starts to thin that they look around that room and realize that they have duped and had sex with almost every woman sight . All of their mates are married with children so the cry to their mother to find them a “good girl” in the village who will not know any of their bad boy antics to come and make them seem holy. If you want to tell this story my dear Amara…tell both sides.

  35. Jay canada

    Amara may Godbless you.You know this is the genesis of troubled marriages,some of these girls pretend and do everything including visiting spiritualist to get a husband.Once they get one and are married,the original character is exhibited.No man will marry a woman willingly and not cheerish her,if her character is good.The major thing is character,young girls,even married women please learn how to talk to your husbands and single ladies learn how to talk to guys around you.The moment you begin to see yourself as ripe for marriage,then begin to find out your bad characters and do away with them permanently.Many of these young girls where not trained by their mothers,soo many left the village very young to come and hussle in lagos,so no motherly upbringing,and a woman without parental upbringing takes only Gods grace to be reasonable,that means such woman must be close to God and know God or have responsible people around her.Otherwise soo sorry.Men want to marry,no responsible man ripe for marriage does’nt want to marry.But not every woman on the streets today is a woman you can call a wife,and everybody is been carefull not to make a mistake.And you ladies,sex is not a guarantee that your boyfriend will marry you.So many girls think guys are stupid and their private part is the key to anything they want from any man around them.Soo sorry,any man who comes around you becos you cage him with sex.watch out,even if he marries you,you wont have peace,becos we have so many sex machines in nigeria now,ready to destroy any man sexually.So please girls stop that act.Also those who enjoy married men,i’m sorry for you.When you’re supposed to be praying for your own man,you’re busy fucking another womans husband,bcos of money,and you think your punishment is not sure.You must surely be punished,bcos you wont have one,and if you manage to get one,other girls will scatter your marriage bcos they’ll screw your husband out of your hands.Remember that as you’re getting old,new species of sex machines who’ll know better and have flexible waist will be springing up.So your past must surely visit you.Lastly some thing they can live anyhow screw every man on trousers and when they want to marry,they begin to find a native doctor to tie one brother for them.juju no dey last ohhh,after 15years the native doctor might die and you juju fade away and by then you have like 5kids.The man then runs away,for a fresh and lovely young girl and remarry her.So dont do what you know might cause you regret in future.

    1. Dorido

      Guy, this is a wonderful speech.Kip it up !
      God bless u,kip telling them the truth and he/she dat have hear let him/her hear.

  36. segun

    Amara u are such a wndafl lady. May almighty God continue to give u wisdom and understanding. You have really said the whole truth nothing but the truth. U are blessed. Anybody that have ears let him or her hears the word. Ladies of nowadays are microwave ladies or i should say microwave generation ladies.

  37. Stan

    Thanks Amara. God Bless you for telling the truth. If they have ears, let them hear.

  38. rufus

    well, what can i say….i’m so afraid of dating co i can hardly differentiate a decent girl from a pretending one……i live well, but hate to see them carried away by my love for living well

  39. makao

    Amara well done. I dey siddon dey look.

  40. ak

    amara you do well.Let the bad ladies continue and lest see where it will lead them.The good ones are already reaping the good they sow.

  41. Akinbolade damilola

    Yes let he who have hear to here

  42. jones

    THIS IS THE TIMELESS TRUTH ALL OF ALL AGES GOD BLESS YOU AMARA

  43. tony obey

    amara, pls are you maried? i might love to be your friend, if you would allow.thumb ups any day.i will send you two of my sisters e mail so you can forward this to them.they can pray like elijah, but attitude and character equals to zero

  44. Agborandun

    I thumb up for you Amara

  45. sunee dee

    Pls advise this ladies to stop dating married men because they we used them and dumped them and focused on what they want from single guys.

  46. Ola

    Amara God bless 1 million times. I am very happy this is coming from a woman. Pastor Olumide Emmanuel said, in one article at Nigeria Forum that men spell Love as RESPECT.

  47. baba nat

    need i say more. Amara, may God bless you.

  48. OMERIHE

    Amara, u left out girls that believe in dating only married men how would they see a man to marry?

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