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Reasons You Are Not Married  print

Published on September 20, 2011 by   ·   163 Comments

Amara

You are not married not because there is no man ready for marriage as a good number of men are looking for life partners. The major reason Nigerian men are now scared of marriage is waywardness. Men are now afraid because they don’t know who to trust and also not sure if that beautiful girl they are interested in still has her womb intact.

They are also afraid because of the high mountain ladies have suddenly placed themselves on as no woman wants to date a poor man any longer but are all interested in those with good cars and houses.

A man recently told me why he does not allow his girlfriends to come to his house. According to him, he doesn’t want a case where a girl enters his house only for her to refuse leaving because of the beauty of the house and cars she will see.

Isn’t it surprising how single ladies now out-dress married women with good jobs whose husbands are very rich? You are not married because the single men around you are wondering if they will be able to meet up with your ever-demanding lifestyle. Even when they know they can afford it, what makes them believe you won’t take a walk tomorrow if anything goes wrong?

Another reason is that with your good job and salary, they are even afraid to come near you as they wouldn’t want to be turned down.

I have a female colleague, a very pretty girl who lives in her own house and drives a posh car. She also has different businesses to show for it. Recently, I advised her to calm down a bit as friends I introduce her to who ordinarily would have gone for her, all run away after meeting her and come back to me with the same word, “Amara, this one go send me go village.”

Another reason you are going to grow old in your father’s house is this: You want a ready-made man instead of a growing man with vision. Are you aware that if you have not obtained favour from God, the man will decrease instead of increasing when you enter his house? Work on your character, the words that come from your mouth, your lifestyle, the way you carry yourself, the way you dress, the places you visit and then spend time trying to find favour before God because it’s only favour that can make your husband increase the moment you step into his life.

In fact, the moment a man proposes to you, there must be some positive movements in his finance if at all you have obtained favour.

It is never your duty to find a man. While he is working trying to raise money to sustain whoever he takes home to his mother, you should get yourself busy obtaining favour from God for you to be his source of blessing. A man knows when the wife is a source of blessing and that is the only time he cherishes you.

In the previous paragraph, I said the man should take you home to his mother. I don’t understand why you get married to a man who believes it’s just between the two of you. Read the Bible; they all took their wives home to their mothers. If a man cannot take you home to his people, something is wrong. Isn’t it surprising how many of us are married without knowing our husband’s village and his mother’s bedroom? Marriage, in the African culture, is not between the man and woman alone, the two families must be involved.

Hey, you have to stop moving from one prayer house to the other in search of miracles that are not coming even after you might have emptied your pocket. Go back to your room; deal with your character and bad nature that is filled with pride and disrespect for the elderly. Cut down on frivolities and that is not all, deal with your party and aso ebi spirit. You must also deal with that thing that gets you to aimlessly move from one end of the street to the other all in search of precious souls to destroy. Change that mentality that says you use what you have to get what you want; any man you get with your ass is as filthy, unreliable and irresponsible as you are.

Common girl, go deal with yourself first before you start blaming your step mother of being the one keeping you down. Stop blaming your neighbours and friends of standing on your way to progress. I just told you the bitter truth which your Alfa, Babalawo, pastor and Imam may never tell you. Stop wasting your time chasing shadows, go and deal with yourself first before complaining.

I know of a wonderful lady who sings so well that when she comes to lead in worship, miracles take place. People love her, but this lady is unmarried till date. It is not because men don’t go to her for marriage or because she is ugly; her number one obstacle is her character. They say there are many old single ladies in our churches; I think I know the problem and not that most of them wasted their lives in frivolities only to realise the last minute that they have to run into the church where they can get a brother to marry.

I am not trying to judge anyone’s past, but the issue is that even when they join those churches, their characters don’t change. It’s really appalling how some ladies talk to men simply because they are in the same church. Some of them fight everyone in their department in church while some live their lives begging from one member to the other.

What do have to say about ladies who fight for food during church meetings? Those guys would be foolish to see the stuff you are made of and still go ahead to take you home to mama.

I always tell ladies that if by the age of 30 no man had asked to know if you are for sale, there is something wrong somewhere; its either spiritual or attitudinal, but the truth is that it is always more attitudinal than spiritual.

You have been fasting and praying and going for all levels of deliverance but it seems nothing is working. What is your character like after all the prayers and religious devotions? It is sad when I see a single girl walk up to a married woman sitting with her husband and telling the woman to get up because she was there before her. You attend functions with extra bags to pack food and drinks and when it’s time to hit the dancing floor, you do that as if there is no tomorrow. What do you expect from life when you are the source of all quarrels in your neighbourhood, church and office?

This is the moment of truth and if at all you want to be delivered, your decision to deliver yourself is the first step to your breakthrough.

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Posted by on September 20, 2011, 12:01 pm. Filed under Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

163 Comments for “Reasons You Are Not Married”

  1. Gina

    Amara, has a single lady threatened your marriage or has your husband left you for a single woman?
    I am scared and abit confused, you call yourself a christian yet your article and choice of words just shows a deep seated hatred and biterness towards single ladies forgetting that they were created by the same God who created you a “married woman”.

    To other christians who feel that Amara is justified by this article which just exhibits hatred and venom towards a certain group of society ” single Women”. Where is the love ??? Na wah for all of you. Amara deal with your issues.

  2. meeee

    Honestly, this article is too one sided and retarded to be taken seriously! Are u saying that any woman who is not married is either too rich for her own good; has a bad character; screws around or has in the past; or has one of the flaws you listed above!!!!! Wake up from your self inflicted slumber and be realistic!

  3. Mira Koroma

    I do agree that most of what she said is true but bliv me, there are women who are different from those so called description but they still remain unmarried. Again, what about d men??? Most are not scared as she mentioned, they think of having enuf fun b4 settling down. How they measure ENUF, i do not know. Also, they want d best gal out there. Best in the sense of: most beautiful, etc, 4gettn dat there are millions of beautiful gals out there. So if som1 can tell this Women’s Judge dat if even women change & start behaving as in the days of our grandmonthers/ancestors, the men wud find another reason why they are reluctant to marry. They will even say dat women are now too boring unlike those days (days we were as u mentioned). So my dear, when God sees it fit 4 single ladies to get married, He will send som sensible, caring & understanding men 4 them. Ones who are not judgemental as they too have their share of bad habits. I REST MY CASE!!!

  4. shalewa

    Amara you spoke well see this life I wonder why things don’t come to people that re in need of them.
    Am a 27 year old lady who is oppressed by married men but hell no I can’t give in cause I can’t date a married man but right here i see some responses like the one from dave sayin he has searched for the right lady.I wonder why I don’t see men like that.
    I have been heartbroken by different men but I promised not to give up cause I must have my husband latest end of this year.
    Ladies leave married men alone and go for single guys.
    What u sow u shall reap.
    God provide for me my missen rib

    • Jay canada

      @shalewa may God bless you and give you your heart desire,i like pple like you.As you hv said you shall by the special grace of God get a husband b4 this year runs out.Pls keep yourself and run away from married men,even those single guys watch and make sure they have a geniune intension.Infact dont give sex till you get married.Many men are out there looking for pple like you,not the dogs we have called single ladies who use sex as a tool to hold men who later run away in future.Keep yourself and dont make a wrong choice,your husband will cheerish you like gold even when he marries you trust me.Am soo happy for you in advance,bcos if your heart is what you have written here.Your wedding is around the corner.Our creator is not a foolish God.Just have faith.

    • Femi

      amen to that

  5. francis

    u re all talking rubbish.

  6. Senorita

    Wow!!!!! I am gutted… In as much as I agree with some of the stuff written, I am afraid it is absolutely wrong to generalise. Some of the stuff are utter rubbish and bullcrap.
    Who made her the judge of those not married @ 30….That is why so many marriages are failing, marrying the wrong person cos of societal pressure. Remember that it is not of him that wills of him that runs but of God that showeth mercy.

  7. butterscotch

    God bless U̶̲̥̅̊ Amara.

  8. Emmanuel Ezeilo

    This is a bitter truth… but to be transparent.. this is God speaking through this author (Amara) my dear keep spreading the word.. nothin do u

  9. ArrowHead

    She spoke the truth from a perspective, other truths remain to be added. For those saying “Marriage is not a source of happiness, You don’t need marriage to enter heaven, etc”, that is NOT the premise of her article. The article is about reasons why you are not married and not benefits of marriage. She spoke well. Truth is BITTER that’s why most people don’t like tasting it. I know somebody who is so annoyingly obsessed with shoes, you’ll be surprised the kinda shoe she does fasting & prayer and the rest to buy and how much she earns. There are GOOD, BAD and UGLY Men and Women. By default all women really wants to marry a man, but if by their fault or otherwise they can’t find the man they desire, as a last resort they just marry their own lifestyle and pretend to the world that they are satisfied the way they are. Deep inside they know better. It maybe too late to change now in order to marry I rather you find a rude boy who who’ll match you or suppress you than a gentleman who you’ll torment.

  10. teelove

    Amara u a very good reason and point of writting dis but b4 u sent it out, u forgot to do a back check on ur points. I would like you to answer dis question publicly den people like me can belive every word u Av written. Are u married, were u a virgin when ur husband met u,Av u been dumped b4, when did u become bornagain am sure frm d womb. U must b Av very cultured lady,perfect , and humble. See Av been dumped so many times and am a very reserved lady got disflowered in my late 20′s, good cook,humble and given. What did I get frm al thus heartbreak. Amara pls pls pls what of those men who makes dis what dey ar.today

  11. teelove

    Amara u a very good reason and point of writting dis but b4 u sent it out, u forgot to do a back check on ur points. I would like you to answer dis question publicly den people like me can belive every word u Av written. Are u married, were u a virgin when ur husband met u,Av u been dumped b4, when did u become bornagain am sure frm d womb. U must b Av very cultured lady,perfect , and humble. See Av been dumped so many times and am a very reserved lady got disflowered in my late 20′s, good cook,humble and given. What did I get frm al thus heartbreak. Amara pls pls pls what of those men who makes dis ladies what dey ar.today? Most of d guys who dumped me ar married to girls dat sleep all over d place. Here i am not married. See balance ur articule by weighing both ladies and men life sytle. Remember our lord Jesus Christ when dat woman was brought to him he said he dat has not sinned b4 cast d frost stone.

  12. teelove

    Amara u a very good reason and point of writting dis but b4 u sent it out, u forgot to do a back check on ur points. I would like you to answer dis question publicly den people like me can belive every word u Av written. Are u married, were u a virgin when ur husband met u,Av u been dumped b4, when did u become bornagain am sure frm d womb. U must b Av very cultured lady,perfect , and humble. See Av been dumped so many times and am a very reserved lady got disflowered in my late 20′s, good cook,humble and given. What did I get frm al thus heartbreak. Amara pls pls pls what of those men who makes dis ladies what dey ar.today? Most of d guys who dumped me ar married to girls dat sleep all over d place. Here i am not married. See balance ur articule by weighing both ladies and men life sytle. Remember our lord Jesus Christ when dat woman was brought to him he said he dat has not sinned b4 cast d first stone. Topic Av a good reason for writting dis but you fall to bring people to a conviction. @ Joseph thks for your point.

  13. Adebisi O

    Perhaps the most unintelligent piece of writing. Though some women might have character flaws its hardly the case that its the ‘sole’ reason they are unmarried. And indeed many ill behaved women are married and vice-versa.
    What sort of man is insecure and threatened by a woman’s success? Certainly not the kind any woman needs. An insecure man is a ‘weist’. While you are attacking women that are probably happily single, perhaps you should have balanced the ‘lamest article in the world’ by saying something about the ills of the Nigerian men (they perhaps will top the list of worlds’ worst behaved men) Not that this would have made this article any less unintelligent. I am still perplexed any woman would use the word ‘sale’ in relation to women and marriage. That tells me lots of things about Amara I’d rather not point out here. Amara, women are not goods/objects/products. They are specially designed by God to be honored and cherished. God has a reason for placing wealth, power and success in the hands of many women. God is not a stupid God. He is never too late not too early. He will provide husbands to those who need and he’s a God of grace and even when we don’t deserve he will provide. If you want to rely on a spiritual argument I bet you the God I know is full of Grace and would dissent this myopic view of his princesses and queens. How do we expect men to honor women when ‘women’ purport that they are for sale in the name of marriage. When you buy something you own it and can do as you please with it. How? When we as women are made to feel incomplete and defective without a man. The only perosn that can make anyone whole is God. So ladies please put your focus on him and in due time he who knows what you need will provide, be it a man, a good job,a house or indeed friends. Amara does not have the answers andd lacks even the intelligence to write a balanced article even about her own kind (women)
    1 Corinthians 7:34 “But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world how he can please his wife and his interests are divided. A woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord”

  14. tolace

    Very stupid ignorant article!…like being a Mrs takes you up 5 social classes..lots of married ppl are suffering and smiling.

  15. Tobylolu

    @Jay Canada , you need to be more open minded and less shallow because a woman in her 30s is happy the way she is or not yet married does not in any way make her a lesbian, as dim as you are do you realiase that there are loads of married women who are lesbians but because of society, church, family etc they refuse to reveal their sexuality. Probably the married sister in your church that you so much look up to is a lesbian- hmm, have you given that a thought?
    Also can you point to anywhere in the bible that says if you are 30 and you die unmarried, the fires of hell are in waiting to burn every single element of your body??
    Jesus came to earth in the form of man and we there are no records showing that he was married, Paul who was a great evangelist of the Christian faith has no records that he was married. Mary and Martha who were Jesus’s friend must have been old enough to be married, where did Jesus meet them? They were living with their brother Lazarus – note not with their husbands. Does that make all the above people mentioned homosexuals and lesbians? Doh!!!
    Also expressing one’s feeling and speaking against discrimination and victimization of a particular group of society- does not in any way make one an agent of the Satan.
    Oh my, I have loads to say to you but I will just summarise -You really need to think outside the box o and use the brains God gave you. Don’t just rely on what is being preached to you in church and articles like these!!!

    • Jay canada

      @toblolu really if i had a younger sister who thinks like you,i’ll go to church on her behalf for special prayer.What amara is saying here is to bring to you single ladies the importance of marriage.You single ladies mostly destroy even married men,now at 34 you dont have a husband and dont even intend to have one.And i know you wont want to date a man younger than you.Now at 40 you’ll want to date older men,apparently married men who happen to be peoples husbands,becos you cant tell me you’re a virgin or dont intend to have a boyfriend ever,and if you tell me this,it states again my past msg that such a ladies is a lesbian.So what good than harm would you be causing to the society with your type of mind set?its pride that makes ladies like you stay single,and for your information,it will get to a point were younger ladies laugh at you,bcos age will tell on you soon.Also remember that women have what we call monopause.Or you want to get married when you can no longer have children?Or are you saying in your believe having children is out of free will?My dear the truth is bitter,but learn from it while you have the chance,here in canada where i am,we have alot of african women who come here to do rubbish and follow the devilish life style of certain white women,at the end of it all,they end up fooling themselves.Thinking they’re too smart.When you get old to a stage you’ll remember that your decision dont make sense.A word is enough for the wise.

  16. anonymous

    well said Amara. but can i take you through the journey you had to undertake to get married. that is if you are. Like i have once said you are quite judgmental. there are ladies out there who wants to be married but are yet to be found. these ladies are perfect examples of a virtuous woman. what about men that dont want to get married until they have made the millions? what do you have to say about that hence they keep deceiving innocent ladies to fall prey to them. id say you avent done justice ti this at all

  17. OKC

    Why all the hate. Most of you women would agree the text did lack articulation, you will also agree it’s her opinion and its reality.

    If you think Nigerian girls don’t have altitude problems then think again, take your statistic, go ask Nigerian guys, they will tell you. (Put most or some in front of Nigeria b/4 you crucify me of generalization)

    Linda you fall my hand big time, along with so many people including one Uzoma. Why attach sentiments to this. Tackle the topic as it is and stop assuming. Never base your argument on subjectivity. Whether she is married, single widowed etc.. for all I care, Amara could be a man. READ THE ARTICLE FOR WHAT IT IS.

    Folks that say marriage is not happiness, please move to the next article, this one is not for you, after all being single is not being homeless. Reverend sisters and celibate exist and Amara knows that and wasn’t addressing them (you).

    Nobody is saying you shouldn’t chase career, at least I did not interpret the article in that light. I honestly don’t know how you guys comprehend. In fact, nobody wants a sit at home lady, there are bills to pay mehn… what I understood when she said calm down is just humility, simple. I remember the first day I started work, I wanted to drive one of my Dad’s SUV to work, my dad called me and talked to me for good 3hours, and he proposed I take the old looking passat instead. After the talk i took a byke instead. Today the kind of favors I get from people that see me as humble despite the affluence I am born to ehh nbst ohhhh. I am happy I took that advice. David Cameron and his office have the money to buy 10 private jets if he wants, but guess what? He flies BA just like me and you. HUMILITY. Richard Brandson’s kids the heir to the virgin empire fly economy as advised by their dad. HUMILITY. That is why the so called RUNZ girls that get married and to some extent are happy know this trick and know how to re-brand. If you think you can flaunt your posh car every time you like be it politics, marriage, business etc, and it works for you, good luck to you.

    An opinion is an opinion, and should be taken as such. I don’t agree with some of her thoughts, especially on ‘Over 30 and off the market’ (even though what she used was a freaking figure of speech) you should respect her opinion instead of cursing. (The attitude we are talking about).

    I commend those that stated their opinion without insults; those are examples of Good wives, not running mouths.

    My tweet of today will be, ‘people’s opinions are like food menus, take the good stuffs and leave the rest’.

  18. diamond

    @jay canada A.K.A Mr. Truth, when u suffer to send ur female children to school, tell them 2 sit @ home so that a man can come marry them cos if they r successful men will run away 4rm them. Allow only poor, financially unstable men 2 marry dem. i pray u have only female children so dat we will see the kind of men they end up marrying. IT IS ONLY MEN THAT WILL SUPPORT THIS ARTICLE, STAY @ HOME LAZYING AROUND AND WAIT FOR WOMEN TO COME AND MARRY YOU TO COMPLETE US!!

    • Jay canada

      My dear am married and my wife works,working does’nt entail that you remain single.Or are you telling me that becos of your work thats why you’re not married or have a bad character? alot of female bankers have husbands and serious suitors around them,so please stop such excuse.If you’re good you’re good.I have seen ladies working in ph while their husband to be stays and work in lagos.And they love and understand eachother very much.If the lady has a bad attitude problem.The bobo for don run since.So make una change,if your job holds you and makes you not to have a life,my dear find another work.Life is not all about work and die.All the multimillionaires we have today in nigeria and everywhere,still live a life,they have a family.I wont be surprised when you get married even and begin to raise kids and you dont have time for your kids bcos you claim you’re doing one dirty job for money.

  19. Tobylolu

    Oh my oh my @Jay canada what are you on about?? Reading your comment just makes me prove a point of how shallow minded you are.

    I will just summarise again – “You really need to think outside the box o and use the brains God gave you. Don’t just rely on what is being preached to you in church and articles like these!!!

    I hereby rest my case as no matter what is said ,you will still be in that deep black hole and will never liberate yourself from the unnecessary shackles you have put yourself ( mindset ) in.

  20. Jay canada

    Tobylolu@ My dear,i’m not supposed to write you again,but i want to reply you,becos i could be a messenger from God to you.So that you can change and learn what life is all about.1stly i want to let you know that i know the kind of lady you’ll be from your comments.You’ll be a woman filled with pride and no man can control you.In the bible God created adam and found that he was lonely and hence he created woman and called her woman which means helper or assistant to a man.So that man can have a companion.And so that the 2 can be a pair,thats the sole reason you were created.And to fulfil Gods will you’re to act as such.For your information,am not a foolish church goer who pastors deceive by preaching to what they want you to do which they dont do.I’m speaking for a human point of view not as a christian church goer.Now most women today even the married one’s want to rub shoulders with a man of the house,bcos they feel they have a right,but man should learn to know his/her limitations.As a father and head of a home,you have limitation,just like a woman and mother of a home.You see the word submissiveness should be the general bone of contention amongst women.Must women have become soo self indiscipline to think that they can do whatever they want so long as they are human beings,and hence you do not want any form of control.My dear every woman has her husband out there,and if you meet your man,you owe him submissiveness.Which contents alot from respect,love and all that is in it.And by so doing you’ll have a certain kind of joy in you,theres no place were there’s peace and you dont get joy,2 drivers cannot be driving a car at the same time and dont expect to crash.I really wish i could see you or speak to you and counsel you.Nobody knows everything,but in this one am very certain you dont know alot of things or maybe speaking from a very baise point of view.Maybe due to heart break or something of that nature.But its not too late,i wish you were my sister and i could see you sit with you and advise you but since i cant you can call me +1647-286-3593.I want to know the point you have that makes you feel contrary to this article which is very thoughtful and educating.

    • moni

      @Jay:

      “You’ll be a woman filled with pride and no man can control you.”

      Haha… that says it all really doesn’t it? Pele o.

      I hope you are able to find your God-appointed doormat eventually. I also pray for your sake that she does not wake up one day and realise she has spent her time with a man so insecure he feels he has to lord it over another human being to be happy. Ignorance is bliss as they say!

      God bless you – and all the best!

  21. Angel

    What a daft article, written by a very daft person. Poor writing! Are you sure you are a qualified journalist?

  22. Nne

    Amarachi is still growing, trying to keep her job by pushing the boundaries and forgeting her professional and Christian values. So she slanders, curses, mocks and insults at will. Forgetting that we are snared by the words of our mouth. She calls it the truth [really] and even contradicts statements raised in previous articles. Anyone with insight can see that her rant is directed at unnamed individuals and isolated events from her past. This is evidence of her inexperience and lack of innovation.

    Amara is not concerned about helping single women get married; her hatred for a particular individual pushes her to cast stone after stone. She is not a counsellor she is out to hurt, destroy and utilise her professional position to platform her grievances. She spits her thoughts out as they come to her mind without any form of decorum and displays her poor intellectual abilities.

    It is laughable that she talks so much about the bad character of unmarried women, but her character is definitely called to question with her choice of words and her pride. Common girl you are a journalist and I suppose a lady, you can still sound sweet, funny, positive and powerful without having to put others down. There are writing styles that assist you in detaching your emotions from the situation while captivating the attention of your audience.

    We all know that women are marginalised in society, through culture, religion, superstition and social constructions. Your arguments for the “lack of marriages” are unbalanced, hostile, childish and outdated.

    Wisdom is clearly a gift, compassion is reserved for ladies of grace, truth comes from the honest and understanding is a ministry, sense is not common. Amara my dear you lack all the above and much more. Ndoo! Just be careful about compromising your integrity, as you sell your conscience what else are you willing to sell to keep your job? [hello]

    Finally, take a step away from the competitive mentality, if another lady is well dressed, successful and “not yet married” don’t take it personal. Beauty is from within which outshines designer gear and makeup. Our men are not stupid they know a good woman and strive to keep her when they find her. No amount of fake “eye lash or Brazilian weave” can displace a lady who has grace, compassion and respects herself and others.

    Always remember that the measure you give to others is the measure reserved for you. Take heed God is not mocked what a man soweth that shall he reap. Dont damage your future because of a job, we all make mistakes. God is faithful and willing to forgive, ask for wisdom and knowledge, He gives it freely . Use your gift as a blessing and not a curse there are better ways to put your point across.

    I pray you find it on time.
    with all my love
    Nne

  23. Nne

    @IIjoga
    why not add these to your points

    1> poverty and lack of opportunities
    2>Family comitments
    3>bereavement
    4>ratio of women to men
    5>good girls who are patiently waiting
    6>Lack of confidence due to bad articles like Amara’s
    7>Patriarchal attitudes
    8>END TIMES

  24. Alphys

    Amara is somehow right, but the truth of the matter is young ladies’ mind today are shaped by Nollywood movies that portrait girls who actually “use what they have to get what they want”. Therefore, girls are filled with so much pride and vanity that they don’t realize they’re missing it all. Assia!

  25. Ike

    Great article, loads of people might not like this but hey the truth isn’t usually a best-seller anywhere in the world. Rock on!!!

  26. Just me

    Amara, your article is just one sided and biased…please tell me why do you hate successfull single ladies so much??? if a man is intimidated by a ladies success then he is not man enough for her and would ruin her life and career if the lady give in to him…if your husband is challenging you to measure up with your single lady friend i think you should take the challenge in good faith…what do u have to say to those men who are actually looking for successful women to marry??? they dont want to have anything to do with struggling women who have little or nothing to show for their struggles??? what do you have to say to those men who will use ladies to get to where they feel they should be and then dump those women because they do not “measure up to their standards”??? what do you have to say to those men who lie to different women in different locations at the same time, promising all of them marriage simply because they need one thing or the other from them??? do you realise that not all those old single ladies (as u tag them) are as bad as u paint them???? we have very good, well behaved ladies who for God knows why remain single longer than they should have been. in as much as i’m not ruling out the fact that there are some “bad eggs” that does not mean that they are all bad. if you have had a bad encounter with one person, please dont generalised it… if u got married at 20 then thank God for your good fortune but please dear sister dont see the next person as being where she is because she is a bad person or it her BAD CHARACTER that has kept her single for so long…if u know someone with a bad character, please pray for God to change her if you are genuinely concern about her well being and future, DO NOT MOCK THEM, God knows us all for HE created us all in HIS image… there are so many single men out there who will not marry a lady that does have a good job and a car, no matter how good and humble that lady may be…i have seen men who maltreat good women… God bless u

  27. DenizTruthHurts

    Damn!y’all have a hard tym reading a good article and understanding it.Amara is NOT judging anybody as far as this article is concerned.Her message in this write-up for single ladies,that’s candid advice my dear.You don’t have to react in that ‘I feel victimized’ manner.I am single too but a very young single who is not yet ready for marriage.She’s right when she says most of our senior spinsters do not have good character,trust me.Amara took it right outta my mouth when she said not being married is as a result of your attitude.Honestly you don’t even wanna try the single sisters especially in church.Their hearts are as cold as ice,bad character,they don’t relate well with others especially sisters who seem to be a ‘threat’ to them,no sense of decorum whatsoever,they can’t take simple instruction,they yell at their heads of department.Ladies,all these things count.Do you think anyman wud luv to be with a girl that he cannot give instructions?NO!So change for d better and stop feeling guilty all of you throwing accusations at Amara…It’s a priceless piece of advice,take it and all will work out well..Leave it and you ll be hanging around single for a very long tym my dear Ice queens.And by the way,the more your character sucks,the more you sleep around,the older you look.So pls try to be beautiful from the inside to the outside so that all may be well with you.Truth hurts!:D

  28. maureena

    Mrs Amara Ulasi. Where have you been. What of married women that sleeps around after marriage. What do you say to them. Do not condemn. Always pray for the singles. Have you gone back to Revival Assembly, How is your family?

  29. Bitter Truth!!!

    The truth is very bitter.

    The writer was just talking about character and you see people using abusive words-this only validates what the writer was talking about.

    Ladies, if you think this is wrong, let *serious* single men give their breakdown about you and you will know why they haven’t proposed to you yet. (Serious single men i say bcos i know there are so many that are not serious)

    It is so sad that even in the church, some of the ladies i meet are something else. I am ready to settle down but their character is a turn off

    The bible supports this by saying

    It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. Proverbs 21:9

    Ecclesiastes 7:28 Which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found.

    I came across this,please see

    http://www.naijapals.com/modules/naijapals/nigeria/topic,62554.0-.html

  30. Gbemi

    While Amara has spoken the truth, there are a lotta holes in this article. There is no need for this hate campaign against single women. There is nothing wrong with being single and patiently waiting for God’s perfect plan for your life. The Samaritan woman already had 5 husbands and when she met Jesus had a live-in lover; Jesus still loved her anyways. While I’m not encouraging immorality, as Christians, it is unfair to judge, especially when you do not know the values that shaped a person. About extravagance: I’m single and in my twenties, working. I wake up by 4:30 am and get home by 7:00pm monday to friday. Shouldn’t i be able to indulge myself in the luxuries i can afford?
    True, a lot of us have attitude problems, but really, its mostly a reaction to how we have been treated.There’s no need for any responsible man to be intimated by his wife/girlfriend’s assertiveness. Deborah in the bible was a very assertive woman. The only problem is that our Nigerian men are very lazy.There are only a handful of them who want to settle down and be the man in such marriages. What happens when you do not find one of such? While i don’t support pride, there is nothing wrong in a single lady having a healthy self-esteem.In the moment when you are waiting for your ideal man, life must and will go on.Marriage is not an end in itself, its only a means to an end. And
    when we keep stigmatizing single ladies, we’ll only make them more desperate. Men need to clean up their acts too. Its easy for them to say “good write up” but when will married men stop enticing single women? When will men stop battering their wives? When will men start paying the bills and stop being figure heads?
    To the Mature Single ladies out there, while you are waiting, keep doing God’s will but by all means live your life.

    As an afterword, while i commiserate with the family of the dead, I’d like to ask Amara honestly. Don’t u think if Titilayo Arowolo (the banker whose evil husband hacked her to death) were not married, she would still have a shot at life now?

  31. Gbemi

    I had to add this: “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves. It is the gift of God, NOT BY WORKS, so that no one can boast” Eph 2:8,9.

  32. Vicky

    Amara,thanks for this truth but you have forgotten that it takes two to committ sin.Men are also guilty.Some married women are worst in character,attitude,morally.They commit adultery more than the single ladies.Single ladies be more cutious very soon u will be married.Many men are out there to deceive young girls who are innocent.May God forgive them.

  33. Attitudes

    Words of wisdom

    But why cant the ladies argue their points out without using abusive words and insults?

    90% of the comments from ladies are abusive. This is the character we are talking about. What more do we need to argue bout Amara’s post?

    God must help the men of this generation

  34. Omasiri

    Hey, you guys have all spoken well, l do appreciate your speeches JAY CANADA, please keep it up. it only takes a humble woman to accept this article from Amara, she does not meant to harm or cause pain to anybody. we need to check ourselves carefully.

  35. UCHE JESUS

    ITS A NAKED TRUTH. U SAID IT ALL. GOD BLESS U. THE RATE NIGERIANS GIRLS R STRUGGLING TO BELONG.

  36. melb

    Jaycanada pls go and liberate ur mind,your thoughts are so myopic and I just want to puke. So called nigerian married women have a way of looking at single women and if we take a survey of this so called married women, 4 out of 10,has very bad character covered up in hypocrisy and so the husband never gets to know until they are completely trapped.amara despite d fact that she made salient points was too judgemental and it reeks of this holier than thou attitude our married women r known for, that a woman is married today does not make her a better woman with a better character than that one that is unmarried or probably even divorced. The woman Pastor Kumuyi remarried was over 60yrs and she was never married, Amara and her supporters could say she had a very bad character that was why she didn’t marry for so long. Please correct in love, it sinks better that way, who are we to judge!

  37. Amara , my guess is that you’re some judgmental self righteous ‘holier than thou’ lady. My guess sis also that you have no good career. That’s why it hurts you when women have good jobs. deal with ur issues babie. Marriage is a gift from God and it happens according to his plans. When your happens before 30 it doesnt mean that you’re better than others. Whatever happened to personal choices? and babe ” about ur comment about growing old in your father’s house” no one does that these days. Where are u from? 19th century?

  38. Sodiq

    I didn’t have much to say i tot nigeria government caused it because some girls has good heart but she has poor background and you cannot compare the way man reason to woman anyway am still searching may almighty ALLAH give us our heart desire.

  39. Clem Olusore

    I love my Amaraooooo.I know her personally,the girl is riding on and the more the haters the more she goes on in life.Nne keep showing them that you are for the top.You are divorced,so what?Dont let that stop you because I have tried to find out the truth and my friends have told me what you came out from.I love you jare.My brother’s wife is so crazy,I will make sure my brother connects her with you so you help cure her madness.Thanks for the impact on the woman I referred to you on Facebook

  40. Councellor Oghre

    Amara! I find your article interesting. But, what I think most of the respondents are not comfortable with is you “razor frankness”. Certain minds would rather dress it up like a sweet pill before “administering”. If one is thorough in reading the article, I think it is fairly balanced (not gender-wise), in substance! It is difficult to see this if one is not experimentally detached from the issue under discuss. It comes down to two things: self realisation and choice (the free gift from God Almighty!!!). There is a good side to every individual that the opposite sex can benefit from; and, this is not limited to age, skin colour, intelligence, stupidity, build, social standing, poverty, e.t.c. You may wonder why a well educated, cultured lady wil get married to a less intelligent and uneducated man; yet the marriage lasted their life time. On the other hand, two known stars, well-endowed with everything a human being can dream of might not last 6 months. Either of these two things are involved: the person (attitude), and existing natural spiritism. Control one of these, and you will be happy.

  41. ZAINAB AZEEZ

    I dont know why young girls like me dont like this article.I am single and a final year student of the University of Ibadan. This article was what changed my life. I was everything written in this article until I read it. Ladies please forget the criticisms and look deep into this article because I am sure it will affect you the way it affected me.My parents and room mate are surprised with the change in me.Girls, if there is something painful to you,check well,that is the area you need to make a change.She did not say you have a problem if you are not married at the age of thirty;she said if no man has come to ask for your hand in marriage at the age of thirty. With the little change after reading this article,my friends and I decided to turn a new leaf.My boyfriend of three years just proposed to me. Girls,please change and stop castigating the poor lady.

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